blackmac: "This weekend is my weekend with S. If your dad wants him why not take him the following which is your weekend?"
Her dad. Not mine. On her weekends, he stays with either her dad or her mom. She told him yes BEFORE she told me about it.
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My opinion is, ANY time you can be with your kid, take it. Who cares if it's Mom's day, Dad's day or fricken President's day. If your wife notices you'll always get the kid(s) when SHE wants you to....guess who else will eventually notice? Your kid. And they will know they can depend on you NO MATTER WHAT and that is worth anything.
I do. I take him pretty much whenever she needs me to. She literally has him at sitters most of the time. And you're right...he seems to notice that. He responds well to me, he minds quite well, and he even talks about things that are bothering him with me. I doubt he does that with her.
I'm concerned about what she's going to tell his doctor Monday. Conveniently, I won't be there, so she could literally tell the doctor anything at all.
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Well if she didn't want a court ordered child schedule perhaps she should have kept her legs closed, eh?
From what she says (and I'm honestly not sure I believe it, but I opt to), she didn't do that till she moved out. But then it was pretty quick before she did. She filed after a month or so. She's basically trying to call all of the shots here.
Our son has a psychologist appointment Monday. She does not want me present (even though they recommend that we both be present). Why? Because she doesn't feel comfortable talking to me.
Do not let that appointment happen without you. It's only 4:00 est, have her call today and reschedule for when you can be there.
M: 43, H: 44 Married 18 yrs, Together 26 yrs S17, D15, D8, S6 Still living in MH
She said "I am not open to it at this time. I have too much going on between now and when school starts. But maybe when it slows down, maybe."
At least that's not a "no".
Same as a "no" in her language.
I agree with Helena about the psychologist appointment Mon. You make a point to be there, and let the doc know that you're there. Do not let her roughshod this! It doesn't matter what she wants. It matters that they recommended you both be there. If you don't go, it will likely show up on some child services report or custody claim later that dad was not concerned enough to go see what the doctor had to say about his child.
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What I'm wondering is this...is it possible that as a WW she is just "taking a break" but doing it the hard (for me) way? Does it sound like she's maaaaaybe considering trying to R at some point?
I don't think you've listened to a thing I have told you since the day you joined the board. But I am going to try once more. Let me make this plain.........no! No, she's not taking a freakin break! No, she's not considering trying to R at some point! Wake up, already!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Quote: Do not let that appointment happen without you. It's only 4:00 est, have her call today and reschedule for when you can be there.
She won't do it. I could be there if we carpool. If I take my car alone, I can't afford gas to get there (it's 1.5 hr away).
I may try find a way to go to it anyway. If I can't, I'll call the office and explain why I am unable to be there (which she won't like at all...heh).
It's not about what the office thinks-it's about being present for any and every thing that affects your child. You said yourself that you not being there means she could essentially tell the dr anything she wants....that is really bad and if you have doubts about her doing that, you *cannot* let that happen.
Who cares if she doesn't want you there, feels uncomfortable around you, doesn't like you anymore, none of that matters where your child is concerned. Be there or get it cancelled, pleeeaase.
M: 43, H: 44 Married 18 yrs, Together 26 yrs S17, D15, D8, S6 Still living in MH
It enrages me. She literally threw away our M so that she could go nuts and she's out randomly hooking up with guys FREQUENTLY.
This is someone you want to stay with? Listen to the advice being given to you right here on this site. It is better than going to and IC, which you should be going to now anyway.
Stop all pursuit now, get a life now. Find something you are passionate about and do it now. This is your life.
The sooner you embrace this sitch the sooner you will heal.
The balance will be when she sees you moving forward without her!
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Guys, I AM listening. I just forget easily. Very easily.
So, I called the doctor to confirm that they wanted us both there. They said YES, BECAUSE we're separated, they definitely want both of us there.
So when I told her I WAS going to the appointment, she completely went nuts.
She called her mom to pick up our S, so I told her "That's not going to happen. I'm picking him up, and that's final."
She went into total anger meltdown mode.
Look, please don't think I'm not listening. I AM absolutely listening and taking to heart everything here. My working memory is absolutely effed. I am literally trying as hard as I can to follow the advice here. And I LOVE that yall are here trying to help. I promise you all, I'm not ignoring the advice. But I'm making a lot of mistakes. BUT I AM TRYING.
We all make mistakes! Good job on your latest interaction with W. Her going nuts is no different than your S3 throwing a tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants. You basically are dealing with two kids right now.
Don't sweat mistakes, just resolve to do better moving forward. We've all been there. I made every mistake imaginable in the first 7-9 weeks after BD.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yeah. Sounds like you handled that last situation well. Her rage is exactly that, HER rage. It is not yours, so dont own it. Let her have that while you sit back and take care of your S.
Great job!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
