steve...it's like she left, she wanted out and now I'm like fine I won't stop you and now she's getting angry...why be angry when you are getting what you said you wanted? would be so much easier to just be friendly...
Lots of possible reasons for that. Maybe actually leaving scares her so she lashes out at you to deal with the fear. Maybe leaving on friendly terms makes her feel more guilty, so she gets angry with you because then she can justify her decision to leave to herself. Or maybe your changes and detaching makes her angry because she feels she is losing control. Maybe a combination of some or all of them.
Point is that you just need to be the emotionally detached rock. Let her be angry, you be calm. Let her be vitriolic, you respond kindly. Let her be passive-aggressive, you be forthright and non threatening. Let her be accusatory, you be mysterious.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yes. before Jan and the Rest. Order, she was picking up at my house and i can recall saying "are you even going to look at me? what do you have to be so cold and surgical?"
Honestly Ballast, its probably a good thing. Ill let the Vets speak to that.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Yes...I did early on. Sometimes she wouldn't get out of the car and other times it was their bags handed to me and off she went. Our conversation early on did not happen very much. I could see the anger, disgust and contempt in her eyes.
Taking my ring off I feel was a mistake. It has made her this way now. She took her ring off months ago I said nothing and stayed respectful. I do the same months later and now I have this.
Cliche to say and 2x4 me if needed but think I have screwed myself up doing that.
I took my ring off right before she moved out. Personal preference but I have no regrets. Our MR was over and I didn't want her to think I was trying to hang on to it.
morning bump...does anyone have any suggestions on how I handle continued anger from W beyond staying detached? somewhere I had read that this was a "phase" for a WW...just trying to learn more about this H88L phase I'm going through...
"I'm sorry you feel so angry, you must be very upset".
Originally Posted By: ballast
thanks steve...when W has brought up the imaginary OW, I have just ignored...I wonder would it be better to say instead "that is not true" each time? better to let it be or anytime said, countered.
"You're putting words in my mouth".
"I'm not sure why you would say that".
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Thinking more about it prob her just trying to manipulate me if she thinks she has lost control of me. Sandi posted once something about that an LBH could basically do the exact opposite of pretty much anything he originally thought about doing and it would be a better choice.
