I am going to say my thoughts straight up, your M is dead, your WW is a non functioning addict. She steals from you, cheats on you, threatens and lies about you. You take care of the kids whom you love so much, contact with WW is going to be damaging.
Have you heard the expression, cut your losses?
Well cut your losses.
Cease enabling, let WW hit rock bottom. Then decide on an action. Delaying this will delay that. Letting her go will make that sooner and is more loving.
Those are my thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I am going to say my thoughts straight up, your M is dead, your WW is a non functioning addict. She steals from you, cheats on you, threatens and lies about you. You take care of the kids whom you love so much, contact with WW is going to be damaging.
Have you heard the expression, cut your losses?
Well cut your losses.
Cease enabling, let WW hit rock bottom. Then decide on an action. Delaying this will delay that. Letting her go will make that sooner and is more loving.
Those are my thoughts
V
2nd
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I stopped all my enabling behavior a while ago. So that's no longer an issue. And you're right. She does lie, cheat, and steal. I know I need to cut my losses, and I feel like I already have. I haven't initiated contact with her for quite awhile, nor do I answer the phone when she calls 95% of the time. I don't respond to any texts unless it has to do with the kids. I have no intention of letting her come back. It's the reality of actually filing for D that is hitting me hard. I wish I didn't have to, but I know that's probably what's best for me and the kids...
On a side note, today is my last day of school, so I have the next few months off. W just sent a text saying, "Hope today was/is a good last day". It's crazy how last Thursday when she left my house I was the most worthless pieces of crap in her mind and she called me every name you could think of. Then Friday called me asking for money acting all needy. To today hoping I'm having a good day. The girl is an emotional rollercoaster. Needless to say, I did not respond to her text...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Woke up to a missed call from W at 1:15 AM. Hard telling what she would have wanted at that hour...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
W just showed up randomly at the house. Wanted to talk and asked me if I was the one that called CEFS. I told her no and to ask them. She said she did, but they wouldn't tell her. They also told her she was going to have to move and they weren't giving her any more aid. She said she was going to have to move into the public housing apartments. She was being extremely nice, asked how my last day at school was, how I was doing, etc. Came inside to see the kids for a bit and fell asleep in the chair after about 10 minutes. I made the kids lunch and told them it was time to eat and she woke up. Asked if she could have something to eat, and I obliged. Then she started looking through all the food cabinets and started filling up some bags. It didn't bother me though because it was all stuff that she had bought months ago and I was never going to use. Went through the freezer, and I guess she didn't find anything she wanted in there. Took some of the decorations and candles. Again, I just let her because I didn't want any of that stuff anyway. Before she left, she asked if I would go outside with her while she smoked. I went out with her and she kept trying to make small talk with me. I jept my responses short. She asked what was wrong, and I told her nothing, that I was just tired. Said she was going to leave and just sat there like I was supposed to say something. I said OK and she still sat there. After a long silence, she started to try with the small talk again. Same thing happened. I kept my answers short and she finally said she was going to leave. She asked if I would answer when she called, and I told her to just text me. This time she actually did...
I don't know if she was wanting me to tell her she could move back in or what. But that's the last thing on my mind. At one point she asked me if I had filed for D.I told her not yet. I plan on it when the L gets back from vacation (this I did not tell her, not sure if I should have or not)...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Wow. I am surprised they cut her off so fast. I also thought some states instituted mandatory drug testing for state assistance. Not sure if Illinois is one or not.
Sounds like her rock bottom is close. She is getting more and more desperate. I think when she is desperate enough she will beg to come back home. mtb I would suggest being prepared to handle that when it occurs.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
