Afraid of the dark

[Davide]

For sure. Our WWs are responsible for the ending of our relationships. They walked away rather than doing the work. That's on them. No matter what, I would have done a helluva lot more work before I ever considered leaving. You should never beat yourself up for someone else's (poor) choices.

It's just that you and I, and most people here, have so much power than we ever realized. Power over ourselves, our choices, our attitudes,our detachment, our ability to relate, our ability to set boundaries, our lives. There is so much power and freedom in that.

[Ste7e]

Agreed
Although this [censored] it has given me power I definately didnt have for years if not ever
My depression is gone and I am building the life I always wanted

[Ste7e]

Ok so W just texted me wants to talk with me after my meeting tonight get home around 10 also wanted to know about when I am going on vacation as she moved hers
I assume this is going to be more about fast tracking the D
How do I handle this do I push for another day

[Ste7e]

I really need to know what I need to say to W when she talks about wanting a D?
I assume it is something along the lines of "I do not believe in D, and this is what you want so you need to do it on your own" or something like that
I know to Detach, do not say ILY, listen and validate
what am I missing

[LH19]

I do not think that a D is the answer but I understand this is what you want and I will not do anything to try to stop it.

Listen and validate. Do not try to reason, guilt trip, beg, or plead.

Good luck.

[Ste7e]

what if she pushes me to be involved in the D filing etc

[Ste7e]

Also just so that I am covered on what to expect
What do I say if she tells me she is having an A

[LH19]

what if she pushes me to be involved in the D filing etc

Come on man. Seriously?

As for the second question I would tell her you will help her pack her $hit and she needs to be out by Friday.

[Ste7e]

she has already moved out 3 months ago

[Davide]

In terms of the D, follow what LH told you. That is spot on. If she files, she files. You can't control that. You can control what you do. If you don't want a D, don't file.

Do you have a reason to think she is having an A, or is this just fear projecting? Obviously don't validate an A, but you don't want to react emotionally either. You are the lighthouse. No matter what, A or no A, your W is acting out and damaging the relationship. You need to personally decide what that would mean to you in terms of continuing to DB, or letting go once and for all. But don't do that in the heat of the moment. Let it sit.