What about indifference seems to trigger pause in the WW?
Time.
What is it about the scenario that they have moved on or that their LBH has done so that causes them to start to have 2nd thoughts?
They need a plan B.
I have this feeling WW is so self absorbed and arrogant (although quietly, if you met her, youd think she was a humble sweetie pie, for a while) that she is expecting that i will continue to be infatuated with her, which i feel is part of the reason she discards in the way she does, so if she ever decides to go back, that person (EX, OM, Me, whoever) is so happy and excited to hear from her that she can throw the hooks right back in.
Let her. You know different. Not your circus not your monkeys.
As Sandi mentioned, when I am in a new R or she has married OM or someone else, that i could see this happen. again - NOT HOPING FOR IT.
Mind reading and expectation on your part.
Just planning for it if it happens, i want to build my resolve so if and when it does, i will be able to resist it and think logically not emotionally or "as a man would".
It hasn't happened, it may never happen. If it ever does then cross that bridge then. Detach.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I havent posted on your thread before, but I have been following it. It sounds like you are finally starting to really detach from what appears to be a very toxic person. Congrats on getting this far!
Thanks man i appreciate it
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
What about indifference seems to trigger pause in the WW?
Time.
Can you Elaborate here?
What is it about the scenario that they have moved on or that their LBH has done so that causes them to start to have 2nd thoughts?
They need a plan B.
Wouldn't they just go to a new person? Why try to mend fences with someone they hurt when they can just go start fresh? It seems to be some possessive or territorial trait.
I have this feeling WW is so self absorbed and arrogant (although quietly, if you met her, youd think she was a humble sweetie pie, for a while) that she is expecting that i will continue to be infatuated with her, which i feel is part of the reason she discards in the way she does, so if she ever decides to go back, that person (EX, OM, Me, whoever) is so happy and excited to hear from her that she can throw the hooks right back in.
Let her. You know different. Not your circus not your monkeys.
True. Do you think this is accurate though?
As Sandi mentioned, when I am in a new R or she has married OM or someone else, that i could see this happen. again - NOT HOPING FOR IT.
Mind reading and expectation on your part.
Again, not expectation. Preparation.
Just planning for it if it happens, i want to build my resolve so if and when it does, i will be able to resist it and think logically not emotionally or "as a man would".
It hasn't happened, it may never happen. If it ever does then cross that bridge then. Detach. The whole point of asking was so i had a clear path across that bridge if it should arise. thats all.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Your W wants whatever she can't have. Based on what you've revealed, she is jealous & vindictive, too. That seem to be the case with EX BF.
Quote:
Wouldn't they just go to a new person? Why try to mend fences with someone they hurt when they can just go start fresh? It seems to be some possessive or territorial trait.
They don't really mend fences when they are wayward. They may deceive you into believing that's their intent. If she has an ulterior motive for wanting back the person she dumped, then it is not the same as her being remorseful and wanting another chance. I think she saw BF as more of a challenge to win him away from his new woman. That's why a WW may become more interested in the H she dumped after he gets someone new in his life. She may just want him b/c someone else wants him, and the minute she feels she "won" the challenge.....she loses interest again.
Don't confuse that ^^^^^ with a WW who realizes she is losing him, and she comes to her senses.......for real. If it wakes her up, so to speak, then it might be the beginning of her straightening up her life. But, it may be too late for another chance with the LBH, b/c he may have found someone new or just don't care to ever give her another opportunity to hurt him. Do you see the differences?
Quote:
The whole point of asking was so i had a clear path across that bridge if it should arise. thats all.
And my point in explaining how many WW's don't want a new woman replacing them in the LBH's life, was for you not to be blindsided......should it ever happen.
As I have said before, you are seeking logical answers to a very illogical mindset in the WW. Some things just can't be explained.
I don't see your W "waking up" (as if to come to her senses), b/c this has become her behavior pattern in relationships. I'm not saying she'll never change for the better somewhere down the road......but I don't think it will happen easily or anytime within the next few years. She has to realize this behavior does not work in her favor, and that may take most of her life to learn.................or maybe she just doesn't give a rip....IDK.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
What about indifference seems to trigger pause in the WW?
Time. When she is 90 and reflecting back on her life or after she is invited to hell.
Can you Elaborate here?
What is it about the scenario that they have moved on or that their LBH has done so that causes them to start to have 2nd thoughts?
They need a plan B.
They will do that as well. It is called cake. Wait until the LBS has resources go take them again, it's fun. They enjoy it, it's a challenge, with an antisocial they will soprano quite coldly and deliberately. Like a parasite reinvading a host.
Wouldn't they just go to a new person? Why try to mend fences with someone they hurt when they can just go start fresh? It seems to be some possessive or territorial trait.
I have this feeling WW is so self absorbed and arrogant (although quietly, if you met her, youd think she was a humble sweetie pie, for a while) that she is expecting that i will continue to be infatuated with her, which i feel is part of the reason she discards in the way she does, so if she ever decides to go back, that person (EX, OM, Me, whoever) is so happy and excited to hear from her that she can throw the hooks right back in.
Let her. You know different. Not your circus not your monkeys.
Yes, it's accurate with anti socials.
True. Do you think this is accurate though?
As Sandi mentioned, when I am in a new R or she has married OM or someone else, that i could see this happen. again - NOT HOPING FOR IT.
Mind reading and expectation on your part.
If you say so. Being M won't stop her, that's why being grey rock even breeze block is designed to keep the anti social from being interested. No sparkly stuff on your part means no interest from an anti social.
Again, not expectation. Preparation.
Just planning for it if it happens, i want to build my resolve so if and when it does, i will be able to resist it and think logically not emotionally or "as a man would".
It hasn't happened, it may never happen. If it ever does then cross that bridge then. Detach.
Stay grey rock, breeze block, medium chill, NC. In any case there is no clear path across any bridge. Cross the bridge and then burn it behind you in a scorched earth policy. Ask me how I know, I am a target too. Getting free has involved a great deal of money and cold hard breeze block. When you get there then we will post to you as each sitch is different every time, it's weak to plan your strategy without seeing the terrain. To plan to move your pieces without seeing the chess board.
The whole point of asking was so i had a clear path across that bridge if it should arise. thats all.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
it's amazing to me how little of a thing can make such a big difference, I saw her face clearly for the first time today since January. I was immediately struck with a number of emotions. we were both stopped acrossed an intersection from each other as I was on my way to pick up our son. she had her elbow resting on the windowsill of her car with her hand on her cheek. She looked bummed out and tired. Glanced over and made eye contact as we were passing each other in the intersection. I know this seems like such a small thing but it's the first time we've met eyes in over a quarter of a year. It makes me a bit nervous on how well I would hold up when dealing with her in person given the emotions I felt just from seeing her across an intersection
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Hi OrangeK, that's a coincidence you saw her at the intersection. What did she do when you made eye contact? It's really hard to see your spouse under these circumstances. I'll post something about that on my thread shortly. I hope you made it through the rest of the day ok.
it's amazing to me how little of a thing can make such a big difference, I saw her face clearly for the first time today since January. I was immediately struck with a number of emotions. we were both stopped acrossed an intersection from each other as I was on my way to pick up our son. she had her elbow resting on the windowsill of her car with her hand on her cheek. She looked bummed out and tired. Glanced over and made eye contact as we were passing each other in the intersection. I know this seems like such a small thing but it's the first time we've met eyes in over a quarter of a year. It makes me a bit nervous on how well I would hold up when dealing with her in person given the emotions I felt just from seeing her across an intersection
Yeah that had to be difficult dude. Hang in there, believe it or no there is light at the end of the tunnel.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It was a bit of a double edged sword. She looked good and bad at the same time. She looked beautiful as she always does, not like sexy hot, shes a naturally beautiful woman. However, as i said she looked tired and a bit dejected. Granted i only saw her for a bout 30 seconds, i noticed her before she saw me, and that is when i saw the tired/bummed look i describe. She was sitting at the stop light with her hand on her cheek looking generally depressed. Could just be because she was headed into work, or had a long night. Who knows, im trying not to overthink it. As we both drove through the intersection (She was turning left, and i going straight) we made eye contact, which she held. She didnt look at me with anger, if anything i would describer her look as curious or investigative, like she was trying to get a read on me. I didn't react at all, just looked over for a moment and then continued driving.
Also, update on a previous situation. The Denim Jacket of S3 - I found it yesterday while cleaning the room S3 and I share, and boy am i glad i didn't make a fuss about that coat and ended up looking like a controlling jerk, who was wrong the entire time.
Divorce Hearing tomorrow: Ok so ive calmed down about this a bit, for some reason i had it in my head that if i was paying $450-$500 in child support i would still be responsible for the $490 a month i already pay for daycare. Obviously if i was paying child support, it would include the daycare, right? Additionally i have gotten some solid reassurance from the staff at my daycare that it has been noted and documented that, as they say i have "taken the lead in the parenting role since the breakup". So that makes me feel a lot better about things. Lastly i had a long chat with a friend of mine over the weekend about how his child support is setup and how when he and his ex first split it was madhouse, but has calmed down a lot since, and they are friendly now.
Here's hoping tomorrow goes well and fairly.
Really REALLY looking forward to this coming weekend. S3 will be up with my parents for 5 days (they live 4 hours away, hes very excited to see them), i have 3 days off in a row, which hasn't happened since before BD, and tickets to my favorite band sunday night. Im calling it my GAL mini vaca.
If i could only stop getting blown off for dates things might seem almost ideal from time to time haha.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Hi OrangeK, that's a coincidence you saw her at the intersection. What did she do when you made eye contact? It's really hard to see your spouse under these circumstances. I'll post something about that on my thread shortly. I hope you made it through the rest of the day ok.
Yea, it was just random happenstance for sure. Surprisingly it didn't affect me for very long. I definitely think i am reaching that point of apathy, it seems a lot closure that's for sure. As far as how she reacted, i mention in my reply to Steve, but like i said she looked kinda bummed at first before she noticed me, then when we met eyes she held eye contact as she drove through the intersection in a somewhat blank / curious way. Tough to say as it was such a short, coincidental crossing of paths. Im trying not to over think it.
I spent some time reading over your situation. Your husband sounds like an overt version of my wife. Cut ties and leave with confidence Nicole. You deserve better, if he ever realizes that it will be up to him to cross the river where the bridge he burned once existed, not you.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
