Actually the more an ex takes the easier it is. The big house was full to the brim of stuff.
The G was a bit of a hoarder and the cupboards were full of his stuff, lots and lots of stuff. I packed his stuff and filled a huge storage locker which was without furniture just stuff and more stuff and even more stuff.
As I have found stuff it has been posted to him but it's less and less these days. But still I posted it. It isn't mine.
It is useful to lose his stuff. Feels good to be rid of it.
I have moved on from stuff. And I buy second hand.
The G had aged when I last saw him, and I looked like a movie star! Not really but I felt better than ever.
I wanted to comment on the age thing and generalising. It ain't true for many of us, ok!
Don't guess or assume.
My own view is that these things are triggered by events not age. For instance that grey hair, or wrinkle or unflattering picture. Not by the number.
It's how you compare to others of your peers. And to how you expected to be, that gets you down.
Wanted or not an S or D will get the walkaway down. Reality bites. She is giving up the certain for the uncertain. It is grief you are seeing in my opinion.
As YOU detach so you are independently evaluating W, comparing her to her peers. It's called the sexual market place. And it will happen, it's inevitable.
My thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks for chiming in Vanilla and S85-You guys are right it's just stuff.
I went with my sister to the concert and it turned out pretty good. There were a couple times that I would get caught thinking wow look at all the families here smiling and look at me with my broken family. Hopefully it gets better sooner. Now she is leaving me with a lot of stuff - My S toys when he was really young. Old things she leaving behind. We both gathered a lot of things. Eventually it will be up to me to discard these things. Shall I stipulate that she will have to pay half the junk removal fees at the time? You guys said to treat this like a business deal. In regards to popping back in. Now at this time I want to create space and time away. My S wants little to do with her. So I am thinking of setting up a boundary that she cannot just come around unannounced- She has to call or text first to set up a time and get confirmation from me or S. I don't want her to just show up. Is there anything else I should mention? Thanks again
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
LW, prayers for you and your S, and for your W that she wakes up to what she is doing.
As far as the junk removal fees, I'd say just take care of it. During this next phase you want your dealings with her to be as positive as possible. I know this is against DBing, but due to being a Christian, I think when things get to this point that you should just kill her with kindness. No matter what she says or does, be kind. It doesn't mean you have to be a doormat, but try to be so sweet to her that she won't know what to do.
Romans 12:19-21 19Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. 20Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. 21Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve 85 Thank you so much for prayers-I sooo need them right now! In regards to killing them with kindness. Shortly after BD with the encouragement from a fellow Christian - I did the love Dare. This was before I got to this site and the DR book. At the time it really surprised me that this had little effect on a Godly woman. Now being on this site and being better educated I can see somewhat why. I tried the killing with kindness with little effect. I now look good but often times I'm emotionally exhausted. So what next? What do you think about this popping in boundary that I mentioned in the previous post? Are there any other boundaries that I should be aware of?
Please pray for my S- He said he cannot go to school today because he feels too broken. I looked in the spare room where W was staying and packed her things. Looks like she is leaving all family photos and all photos of S. Kinda strikes me as odd- makes me feel that she wants to rid her life of me and S. For a woman who so claimed she loved us and o walk away like this doesn't make sense.
On a side note S85, with you being a christian brother- and you giving your W a year. If you file the D doesn't that go against God's will? I am not here to judge. Let he without sin be the first to cast a stone ( I'm at the back of the line). Just want to get your take.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
LW, yes I have struggled with ever filing for D. When I spoke to a lawyer about 6 weeks in to our sitch, I almost felt dirty afterward. (Of course, that could just have been due to talking to a lawyer! I kid I kid!)
The 1 year thing was on the advice of another anti-divorce author (not MWD). She preaches even tougher love than MWD for a WW. And her goal is that you do not allow limbo to linger for years. She recommends a one year deadline with the theory being that the WW really doesn't want to give up the cozy, secure life they have with their H, but just wants to run wild for a while.
I do not think I will ever have to file. I have stated on this forum before that due to my beliefs, the only time D is justified is due to physical infidelity. When it is not physical, but just emotional and visual (photos and videos) the line gets a lot more blurry. Yes I know that Christ said that looking on someone and lusting is committing adultery in your heart, but adultery of the heart isn't given as grounds for divorce. Sexual sin (called fornication in the King James) is.
So yes, very good question. Of course, D is a legal proceeding, not a spiritual one, so the real problem with D for anything other than adultery, is remarrying since you haven't been "loosed" from your MR by God.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Just blew it! Emotions are getting the best of me. I pretty sure she sees I'm visually disturbed. S is here but is just emotionless. this all feels surreal. I'm waiting for this bad dream to end. kinda feels like the beginning of the end. W came in movers are here. And now she is asking for 1 month to get all her stuff out- not sure how to handle this because I feel the sooner the dark or NC the better things will get. Just my take. Any advice will help.
I need to get positive I have a job interview this afternoon
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
A month seems like quite along time to get her stuff out. If she's there today with movers, I would assume she could get the majority of her stuff out today. If I were you, I'd tell her after today she should have most of it out and give her until the end of the weekend to tie up any loose ends...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Damn this is so hard! To see my S visibly disraught.He is truly hurting. Increasing my emotions of wanting to lash out to let her see the damage she is doing to our S. My inner pain. The one time we went to MC he said to read the 5 Languages of Love. After BD I started to think about this hard. And while doing the Love Dare which incorporates allot ob the LL. I came to the conclusion my W did not do much. I even asked her at one point can you show me times where you -
used words of encouragement.. acts of kindness.. Physical touch.. quality time.. thoughtful gifts..
to each of these she couldn't think of anything.
I was able to give her many examples of what i did..
That's why I feel she quit..
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Remember, this is all part of the journey, not the destination. I'd give her the 1 month. If nothing else it will ensure in person contact again at some point where you can show her the awesome that LW has become. Try try try to be emotionless with her around all of this. She is expecting to be upset, angry and hurt. If you show her calm, cool, in control she will take note.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
