I agree with Steve85 regarding reconciliation.this is never gauranteed. This canbe 1 day 1 month , 1 year or 1 decade or never. And even if she makes up her mind and comes back there is no gaurantee that she may stay long in the marraige.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
I know every situation is different, But in most cases which one have a better chance at recon? can you give explanation please? thanks so much!
The one where the guy realizes that life is to fuching short to be crying over someone who doesn't want to be with them and he goes out and kicks the $hit out of life. He becomes so awesome that he starts to have choices.
The ex starts to notice and wants him back but why would he trade in his brand new Ferrari for an old cranky jalopy?
Can anybody give advice when their WW is getting aggressive/snippy? She was texting me today asking about Finance/Insurance things, actually more like demanding. Whats the login for this? What's the verification code? Can you do my laundry in a certain way, but don't feel like you have to do it?
Who does she think she is getting mad at me? I didn't do sh*t, and she thinks she can demand things from me? I kept my responses short and at one point asked "is everything okay" to which she responded "I'm fine".
I don't get it, flirted with R/second thoughts yesterday, and literally the first time I hear from her today she is all pissy and demanding (i think she is stressed gathering info for her new apt, I would usually handle this stuff).
Me: 33 WW: 30 T: 5 M: 1.5 yrs BD 4/6/18 PA since 3/28/18 (kiss Dec 2017) EA since assuming late 2017 MC April before another PA 4/28 WW moved out 6/1/18
Yea AJS. I feel like when she was talking R she was temp checking. You should be skeptical, your R doesn't have much trust. You have been hurt. You want to believe things are getting better so you see her actions as hest case scenario. Keep her at arm's length until your sure what she is doing or wanting.
Good luck!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Hi AJS. Best of luck. I just wanted to say how early in the process of GAL, detaching etc. you are... It may sound discouraging but it is the opposite,because you when you get there, you will find out how much more you like the person you have become. All of these things that torment you now will seem miniscule and unimportant. Just hang in, work on yourself and keep things in perspective. I do not know you, but I truly believe you are on a good path, even though it does not seem so now.
Sorry for being patronizing. If I have any excuse, that is that I was in your situation about 8 years ago. I ended up saving my marriage, it took a couple of years, but most of all it took getting to a point where I knew I would be fine either way. If my wife decided she did not want a relationship ("I do not need a husband right now"), that was her choice. All I could do is GAL and give her space to decide figure out what she wanted out of life.
Detaching is really powerful. It does several things. It gives you piece of mind and perspective. It frees your spouse from guilt, so they can never say to themselves "the only reason I would have stayed with him/her is out of pity". When they do not feel obliged to you, they (sometimes) find out that there are other reasons to be with you.
Do not get discouraged. Whatever happens, you will come out of this stronger, wiser, and better. If you make mistakes, do not beat yourself. Just point them out and think of ways to avoid them. You are doing great (certainly much better than me).
Thanks Eric, that means a lot. I am trying hard to detach and GAL, feel like a keep faltering or questioning what I am doing a lot of the time. As I am sure many people are aware, I find myself throughout the day still in disbelief that she left/isn't here/doing this. Doesn't seem real.
I will say every day does get a little better, but also at the same time makes me sad as it also feels like everyday she is moving a little further away from me.
Besides the detachment thread, any good books around that?
Me: 33 WW: 30 T: 5 M: 1.5 yrs BD 4/6/18 PA since 3/28/18 (kiss Dec 2017) EA since assuming late 2017 MC April before another PA 4/28 WW moved out 6/1/18
AJS, maybe check out No More Mr Nice Guy, I think someone else suggested it. I would read other threads too. I got a lot out of reading this and a couple others.
Keep your chin up and get strong.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
AJS, welcome. Please do not torture yourself if you fail. Detaching and GALing is a continuous process. You will make mistakes. If you catch yourself questioning yourself or thinking how she interprets things or any other counterproductive thoughts, simply work on moving away from them.
The forum helps a lot to focus on the essential stuff. I never got around posting here, but I regularly read other people's posts. It helps put things in perspective too. People survive much worse every day.
I cannot recommend a good book on detach. I would recommend finding something you enjoy to fill your time. Make a list of 3 - 5 things you enjoy doing. Bowling, skiing, knitting, stamp collecting, going out with friends... Anything. You have the ability to explore these. For me two things helped a lot. Jogging helped initially. I was so nervous all the time that I could not sleep. So every morning, I used to go out at 5 am and run for miles. I have never been a runner, but it surely helped. The other thing is tennis. I got serious in getting better at it. Started reading books on tennis, listening to tennis podcasts, playing tennis regularly.
I will say every day does get a little better, but also at the same time makes me sad as it also feels like everyday she is moving a little further away from me.
I am not a psychologist, but based on my experience, I would say this is all likely in your head. You do not know in what direction she is moving. I think this is you slowly detaching that both makes you feel better and makes you feel she is moving away.
