I haven't read the entire situation, but I feel your pain. It's hard when you wish there was something that can be done, wish that one certain action would shake them, wish they consider the kids, etc. it's even harder when all attempts have been exhausted. I'm sure we all go through the same motions.
My walk away does not have another woman, but my first husband did. So I feel the pain there too. what I can say is do not think that your spouse forgot all your positives. Believe me they do. Stay strong. Not doing anything, is doing something. As odd as it sounds. My ex told me when he came back how much he missed my sense of humor. And all along I thought I was never on his mind.
I shake my head at WAS's bc we all made a commitment to stick this relationship out when we clearly can walk away as quickly as they did. I can't promise that they will come back, or that the marriage will be salvaged, but what I can say is you will be glad and proud of yourself that you chose to make the commitment to stick with your spouse. It shows character.
Loves, I agree and appreciate that remark. I currently don't know if W has OM. She did in the past but swears there is no one now. I tend to believe her, I don't fully trust anything based on the past A. Once bitten....
What gets me is the level of effort with respect and consideration that had been missing for so long, now she shows, yet she claims she is on her way out. Very confusing.
Mature communication is apparently too much to expect. Anger is the product of feeling that you deserve something that you are being cheated out of. This doesn't mean that we shrug responsibility for contributing to a toxic R.
I believe most of us feel cheated.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Mothers Day, W expressed that she wanted to go to breakfast and we did. I stayed gone most of the day and I cooked dinner, W was happy and no drama.
This whole GAL thing has given me a good reason to take stock and tweak some things I had let stray. All good things in the large picture.
Where the ongoing struggle for me is the conflicting messages. As I have said, W shows more consideration and respect than I have seen in a decade. Once in a while, she will do something that seems to disregard my interest. Like plans to retrieve my D18 from school without discussing or input. And I have confronted her on these things in as constructive approach as possible, and W has listened without defense. Not to over analyze but there is a cognitive detachment there, like she just never thought how I might be interested or be involved in bringing my child home 800 miles away.
I sense some detachment from the marriage, yet I see the respect and a seeming desire to spend time and do things with me. D15 was gone to my sister's until Sunday night and we shopped and grilled and even had sex. No she did seem withdrawn during sex but not totally absent and she didn't seem to be doing it against her will.
Last I've heard her plans haven't changed, but I haven't seen any signs of execution. In fact, financially it seems unlikely at the moment. Perhaps she is just keeping the peace until she exits? W is not a phony person and especially lately seems to be committed to being true to herself.
Yes, I work at keeping expectations at zero. An ongoing battle.
Like my mom used to say. "You worry about you"
Thanks again for your concern.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Still today there are times when she wants family time
And time when she wants to be a single woman
And not knowing what you will get on any one day can make me crazy
Your expectations kill you
Because you expect her to consider you in picking up your daughter
But she really is only thinking of herself
Sometimes she remembers to think of you
Other times not
The stories I could tell you
Question is do you choose to be patient
You are doing awesome at GAL
And being the best you
Hopefully she is noticing
But if not you still have a better you
Peace
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
The lessons I've learned and continue to learn about Detachment and Differentiation of Self as well as what constitutes Controlling Behavior will benefit me regardless of what happens in my M.
LoneWlf, Thanks for your kind words. We tend to give better advice to others than we give ourselves. I think we remind ourselves when we advise others.
There are some great people here. People that seek understanding without judgment. People that seek understanding in their own sitch by helping others.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
The lessons I've learned and continue to learn about Detachment and Differentiation of Self as well as what constitutes Controlling Behavior will benefit me regardless of what happens in my M.
LoneWlf, Thanks for your kind words. We tend to give better advice to others than we give ourselves. I think we remind ourselves when we advise others.
There are some great people here. People that seek understanding without judgment. People that seek understanding in their own sitch by helping others.
Well said.
Any update on your W's proclamation that she is moving out? Have you seen any activity from her to suggest that she will do so in the next 2 weeks?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Any update on your W's proclamation that she is moving out? Have you seen any activity from her to suggest that she will do so in the next 2 weeks?
None whatsoever.
She continues to show that she wants to spend time with me. Respect and consideration are at an all-time high.
Not sure how this will ever transpire to a loss or recon. Right now I'm not focusing on it.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
