Well I'm admitting my screw-ups, I want to also point out my well-executed endeavours.
W went to bible study tonight. Mines ended for the Summer. I took D15 for a long ride to listen to music and smoke a cigar.
When W came home at 9pm. The lights downstairs were off. I heard her call out expecting someone to be waiting up and welcome her. No welcome.
I was upstairs responding on here, to others threads when I heard a knock at the door. I said come in. She let me know that my windows and sunroof were open. I thanked her. I think she expected that I suggest an episode of a series that we have been working through before bed. I said nothing.
She also seemed to be trying to catch my attention in a few other ways.(maybe my imagination) for which I paid no attention.
From now on when she passes braless I will only make eye contact if at all, if you know what I mean.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Well I'm admitting my screw-ups, I want to also point out my well-executed endeavours.
W went to bible study tonight. Mines ended for the Summer. I took D15 for a long ride to listen to music and smoke a cigar.
When W came home at 9pm. The lights downstairs were off. I heard her call out expecting someone to be waiting up and welcome her. No welcome.
I was upstairs responding on here, to others threads when I heard a knock at the door. I said come in. She let me know that my windows and sunroof were open. I thanked her. I think she expected that I suggest an episode of a series that we have been working through before bed. I said nothing.
She also seemed to be trying to catch my attention in a few other ways.(maybe my imagination) for which I paid no attention.
From now on when she passes braless I will only make eye contact if at all, if you know what I mean.
Funny you say that! Early in my sitch I noticed that my W, when I did detach properly, suddenly would change in front of me. After weeks of not being naked in front of me on purpose. (SOmething I didn't notice until BD.) Maybe it was coincidental, but when I had been really diligent at detachment and did well and lovingly, she suddenly had no problem being completely naked in front of me. Maybe she didn't even realize it, and it was a subconscious "I need to hook him again" thing. Or maybe it was completely conscious.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, you say early. I'm nearly 5 years in since first BD.
Yea, it is odd. She began closing doors etc and once I move away, the doors are either cracked or wide open. I doubt it is all coincidence. Some may be exaggerated imagination, but not all.
It kind of pisses me off. If you want to push me away. Go ahead. But I don't need the confusion. I am trying to wrap my head around turning down sex if she initiates. I will need prayers.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Steve, you say early. I'm nearly 5 years in since first BD.
Yea, it is odd. She began closing doors etc and once I move away, the doors are either cracked or wide open. I doubt it is all coincidence. Some may be exaggerated imagination, but not all.
It kind of pisses me off. If you want to push me away. Go ahead. But I don't need the confusion. I am trying to wrap my head around turning down sex if she initiates. I will need prayers.
RR17, yeah, I know most here question our timing. But remember, my BD was initiated by me, not her. I don't think she had completely moved on to the "I am going to drop the bomb and walkaway" state when I caught on to things. If things had gone on a few more weeks or months it would have and that would have been an entirely different starting point.
Don't get me wrong, obviously there is still work to be done, and we are both working on it with the help of the MC.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yes they do sometimes try to make us look twice when we ignore them
You cannot control what she does
You can only control you
Does she know what you want
Does she refuse to provide answers
Or do you not discuss it
In terms of full and proper reconciliation
I am learning it sometimes takes longer and is messier
The success stories are nice
But if you read blu wave or storm chaser
The reality of reconciliation is not easy
What are you doing for mother day
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Funny you say that! Early in my sitch I noticed that my W, when I did detach properly, suddenly would change in front of me. After weeks of not being naked in front of me on purpose. (SOmething I didn't notice until BD.) Maybe it was coincidental, but when I had been really diligent at detachment and did well and lovingly, she suddenly had no problem being completely naked in front of me. Maybe she didn't even realize it, and it was a subconscious "I need to hook him again" thing. Or maybe it was completely conscious.
For the weeks spanning Oct-Dec of 17' my WW did this also. She had shut down sexually but i noticed she was changing in front of me a lot more often than she had in the past, and she wasn't even living with me at this point. Just stopping off at the house to get clothes when she needed to, and she would often go there when she thought i wouldn't be home. Makes me think she took OM into our MB on more than one occasion. gross.
But i also wondered if the changing in front of me thing was subconscious or deliberate.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
5 years marathon man Some times it seemed like it was over but because I hadn't read DB untill a year ago, I never required proper recon. I am convinced that without a loss and remorse, all will prolong. I am 2 years and it feels like forever I feel your pain Yes they do sometimes try to make us look twice when we ignore them Silly games. It is as if they all collaborate on their methods You cannot control what she does I heard this early in my journey, but it took time to sink in. I discovered Control issues within myself. We can damn sure prolong the process You can only control you
Does she know what you want I have stated in the past. But now, who knows? Until she cares, it really doesn't seem to matter. Does she refuse to provide answers Unless you consider " I don't know" an answer? Or do you not discuss it Discussing only leads to an argument. I avoid if possable In terms of full and proper reconciliation
I am learning it sometimes takes longer and is messier I sometimes wonder if moving out would expedite things The success stories are nice
But if you read blu wave or storm chaser
The reality of reconciliation is not easy
What are you doing for mother day I will suport my D15 efforts, but she is not my mother
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
For the weeks spanning Oct-Dec of 17' my WW did this also. She had shut down sexually but i noticed she was changing in front of me a lot more often than she had in the past, and she wasn't even living with me at this point. Just stopping off at the house to get clothes when she needed to, and she would often go there when she thought i wouldn't be home. Makes me think she took OM into our MB on more than one occasion. gross.
But i also wondered if the changing in front of me thing was subconscious or deliberate.
Why do you think it stopped?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Because I moved out of our apartment on New Years eve, and we only saw each other for about 2 weeks after that. Jan 24th she trumped up a BS restraining order on me, and I haven't seen, spoken to, texted or emailed her since then.
I haven't seen or heard hide nor hair of my wife in over 100 days.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I sometimes wonder if living separately would expedite the process. Then again being around each other keeps us front of mindish.
Separate seems like it could make it easier on the LBS so why wouldn't it be easier for WW/WAW? Who knows?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
