Awkward situation closing act

[Tate]

I have tried to follow advice to tge extent tgat it did not conflict with what the DB coaches were telling me.

My W has been checked out for quite some time, so me checking out does absolutely nothing.

I was planning on taking tge kids out of town to visit ny parents this weekend since they did not visit us after my sons First Communion. W realized it is Mothers dsy weekend and insisted on joining us. I figure I will stay in town this weekend and take the kids next weekend instead.

I have 2 weeks until mediation, 4 weeks until our 60 day waiting period is up for final signing. I will follow advice, but get your balls back means what in this case?

[Tate]

I have tried to follow advice to tge extent tgat it did not conflict with what the DB coaches were telling me.

My W has been checked out for quite some time, so me checking out does absolutely nothing.

[SteveLW]

Detachment is not checking out. Please read cadet's link again. This is a common misconception for newbies.

[joejoe1]

Steve,

Tate is not a newbie.

Get your balls back means. Stop acting like a family with your W. Your W wants to come with you to your parents house. Why? She is cheating with your BIL. Stop acting like a M couple. She has given up having mother's day like a M couple, she cheating and she has filed D.

Get your balls back means, stop tolerating what your W and BIL are doing. Stop calling your W at work. Stop having dinner with your W at home. Get out the house on your own. Detach, stop being afraid to lose your W, because frankly at this point she is not afraid to lose you.

Let her go. Let go of the DEAD M, you are currently in. You can never go back to that M. If your W and you Recon, you and your sister will have to not deal with each other no more. Is that what you want?

Your W wants to be with BIL, walk up to your W and say I'm fighting for 50/50 custody and the house. I want just stand around allow you to make me a weekend dad.

Are you tired of being in this Sitch yet? If so walk up to your W and say I'm done (you have to mean it). Does that mean you'll can't get back together in the future, No.

And I agree your W has to feel what's its like to not have you around, but not for just a weekend but for the rest of her life. She must feel that you will never come back. And you have to be completely done for that to happen.

You want a chance to get your W back, start respecting yourself by not tolerating what your W is doing. Stop doing things with her that make her feel comfortable at having a family life on one end and her AP on the other.

[doodler]

Tate is not a newbie.

Oh yeah, that's a blast from the past. I think it was almost two years ago that I offered to wear a bikini to Tate's family beach party and b*tch slap his BIL. I'm too lazy to look through the archives...

[SteveLW]

Steve,

Tate is not a newbie.

Oh, yep see that now. Still a common misconception that detachment means silence, ignoring, checking out. I know I feel into that trap too.

[Ginger1]

Your posts make me so sad. You and your sister are choosing to bury your heads in the sand while your spouses carry on an affair with eachother and you all act like a happy family. It is so sad. You are both experiencing some awful denial.

I may have told you this story, but a close family member of mine is having an A. Her H doesn't know, and she said to me "If my H found out, he probably still wouldn't leave me or be a man about it, and he would turn his head the other way. I can't tell you how much of a turn-off that is, he has no balls" She has told him she is unattracted to him and staying with him for the kid and there will be no sex. And the fact that he is willing to live with that turns her off even MORE.

This is what you are currently doing by pretending. You think a weekend trip with your kids will bring her back from an A? No, she will probably realize how nice it is to have a weekend alone. Please, us mother's love that.

Your toleration of her disgusting and disrespectful actions I can just about guarantee are very unattractive in her eyes.

And how is this benefitting you in any way, playing happy family while she is having an affair WITH A FAMILY MEMBER?!

You can bury your head in the sand hoping by some miracle she will just decide she wants to be committed and treat you with love and respect (highly unlikely) or you can continue to bury your head in the sand and understand your present situation will not change if keep going as you are, or, you can begin to respect yourself and not tolerate what your wife is doing,

The choice is yours. At this point, the outcome is dependent on your decisions, not hers.

[Maika]

I remember the advice you got during Thanksgiving here and I can't believe you're still at the same place where you were. I cannot echo more what others have already said and Ginger just really broke it down for you.

I see a man in denial desperately clinging on to hope that some thing will turn this ship around. Where is your self-respect man? Seriously - she is messing around with a family member. Why haven't you burned the house to the ground figuratively speaking. What do you think your kids are going to think of you when they get older and understand the whole situation? If nothing else, you have an obligation towards your kids to show that such massive disrespect, humiliation, and shameful behaviour will never be tolerated.

I feel you and not wanting to jump off the cliff with your arms wide open. But trust in yourself that you will fall for a while, but will eventually glide and find your feet firmly on the ground. You cannot keep standing on the edge forever - just let go.

[sandi2]

I may have told you this story, but a close family member of mine is having an A. Her H doesn't know, and she said to me "If my H found out, he probably still wouldn't leave me or be a man about it, and he would turn his head the other way. I can't tell you how much of a turn-off that is, he has no balls" She has told him she is unattracted to him and staying with him for the kid and there will be no sex. And the fact that he is willing to live with that turns her off even MORE

This story reminds me of how you conveyed the coach's advice. According to you, the advice was not to tell your sister that your W was cheating with her H, and you were told not to tell the parents and to go on with family events as if nothing had happened. So, that is exactly what you chose to do.

You wouldn't even respond when we asked you not to leave us hanging. So, I don't know why you are asking us about being the next door neighbor to your cheating wife.

[Tate]

Got it on moving on. I know I am clinging on to my kids right now, not my wife...I have an overpowering desire to be with my kids every second. This unfortunately puts me at home a lot. And, yes, I went to dinner as a family because my oldest son wanted me there...I guess that was the wrong move.

As far as my sister goes, she keeps facilitating our families getting together. She makes plans with my W without me knowing. I dont get how she can do that...my W is trying to f### her husband yet she sets up playdates at her house.

Yes, I am acting out of fear...my W has laid out a very generous visitation schedule...if we have to fight over visitation, I will come out with the short end of the stick.

So, specific actions I need to take: do not go on any trips or outings with wife included, go out and do own thing...do not help wife with chores...

Ok, example event...sons school concert this Thursday...go on own, sit separate from family, do own thing after?

Another is this weekend. W wants to go out of town with kids to visit her mom on mothers day...stay home and do own thing?

Next weekend...go out of town with kids to visit my patents, exclude wife?