Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
It is a technique used in lieu of full NO CONTACT, like NONE. For use when you need to co-parent or otherwise co-exist with a toxic person who will manipulate, lie and feed off of your attention (positive or negative attention, they desire both)
think of it as Going Dark on steroids.
The point is to be as boring as a grey stone. So they find you dull and uninteresting and will leave you alone as you are not a good source of negative attention, admiration or drama. Answer all questions in vague, boring ways, do not let them know anything good going on in your life. give no information to them at all, for any reason, unless you are legally required to do so.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Aaaaand the custody BS already begins. My MIL has to take on WW's resposibilities of pickups and drop offs for the next year because of the extended RO from yesterday.
This is going to continue to cause issues and problems.
Her hiding isnt going to change anything.
I just told MIL basically
"I want nothing to do with her and have nothing to say to her, but it is unfair to you to need to bear the burden of all the driving because of this. I will do my best to accomdate your needs in the next year, but S3 and my schedule will take priority. I will be sugjessting a much different custody schedule so S3 isnt being swapped around so much and he can have a consistant schedule for dinner, and bedtime, as he hasnt for some time and its effecting him at school"
Too much info? Advice on how to handle this moving forward is appreciated from those who have been through the mire of custody disputes.
Uhg. i just want this all to go away. Wish i had never even met her.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Yeah, this bologna RO is ridiculous. This is why many divorce experts caution you to do NOTHING that the WAS can use against you.
What your STBXW doesn't realize is that with a 3 year-old she will eventually have to face you. As long as you both are still alive, you will have to be coparents regardless of your marital status. She is hiding from it now, but eventually that RO will be gone, and you'll be swapping your son directly. And then there are other events that you'll both be invited too. Young people think in such short-term terms, but you and her are linked together for a longtime whether she likes it or not. And her mom won't always be there to be the go between.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Im requesting an emergency custody meeting, im not putting up with thise for months while D is ongoing. I want custody decided ASAP so there is a clear cut plan that we both need to adhere to so there isnt any BS that can be pulled on either side (hers...)
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
OK I went back into your thread to try to find why there was a TRO, all I found was something about your W saying you dented her car, but it was a lie.
Can you tell us that story again? I find it very difficult to believe that the courts would uphold a RO for 1 1/2 over a dent in a car?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Jan 24th 2018 - MC meeting that went very very sour, she told me she wanted divorce, i had been put on Meds the day prior for anxiety and depression.
I recall the meeting getting argumentative, then i next recall driving away from the meeting.
Evidently during an argument in the parking lot i allegedly punched the trunk of her car, which i may well have done, i literally do not recall doing so.
Yesterday i was told by my lawyer to take the plea deal as if i went to trial I would be charged, she knows the judge and prosecutor well, and it was set up to fail no matter what.
A TRO was issued on Jan 24th when the event happened, on Feb 27th it was continued and all conditions and orders were held in place.
Yesterday as part of the plea deal from the prosecutor, at the request of WW, the RO was extended to 1 year from yesterdays date, i can only communicate with her via text email or mail, and only regarding childcare. As ive said, its a phenomenal avoidance technique considering she knows she did everything wrong and cheated, lied and manipulated. Now that i'm not obsessing over her and begging and pleading, and she knows i know the truth of her demonic personality, she is avoiding me at all cost, and using the RO to reinforce her Smear Campaign that i am abusive, angry and violent. I am not and have never been. Never ever. Temper? yes, violent or abusive? Never in 1000000000 years. Deplorable.
I will be continuing to communicate through her mother until such time as she reaches out to me.
I'm not reaching out first.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I find it very difficult to believe that the courts would uphold a RO for 1 1/2 over a dent in a car?
So was I, and my lawyer. She said it was a "Specific line drawn in the sand by WW and the Prosecution, very uncommon"
It technically expired yesterday when the case was resolved, but part of my "Sentence" is for it to continue for a year
I have no desire to speak with her about anything, I'm just frustrated she continues to hide from her adult and parental responsibilities and throw her mother under the bus.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
