That's a tough one. I guess you can let it lie until after the court date. Hopefully the TRO gets revoked and you can deal with it directly with her instead of through a third party. Likely she is blowing you off because she doesn't have to deal with it, her mom does.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
O - IMO your W is occupying way too much of your head space for a journey that you have been on it looks like for over 4 months. It appears to me that your trying to hang on to anything to make sense of what just happened, anything so you can regain some control.
You have to let go and free fall if you don't your journey will be rough. You have to get out of her wake....don't ride in it....the water is too rough. Take your boat off to the side in calmer waters. It will do you wonders.
If she has no interest in speaking with you then I would make no attempts and move forward with your life. She is also with OM which should further drive this home. Looks like your young, only married for a short while and she found something with this new job of hers. FWIW the same thing happened to my W when she switched jobs. Obviously there is something disconnected with your W for this to occur in the short amount of time you have been together. Like AS said this appears to be more about her than you.
Are you fit? Healthy? Do you look good? What have you done for yourself? What will she see the first time you interact with her since January?
If you don't want a D then don't push the issue. That is a personal choice. It is concerning that she has went to all these lengths to hide her pregnancy and TRO with you not doing anything wrong. All of it just doesn't make sense to me which should hopefully help you realize that this is more about her than you. You should also question whether or not you even want to be with this women after all of the accusations she has made combined with the OM would be too much for me to overcome. Again this is a personal choice.
IMO if you don't want a D don't file or push it forward but you have to move forward with your life, enjoy the time with your son and be the best father you can be. Let your w take her journey, don't check out FB, don't like stuff, don't stew over the jacket, don't sweat the small details, don't send her a letter.....doing nothing is still taking action.
Truthfully being separated is the best thing that has happened to you.
O - IMO your W is occupying way too much of your head space for a journey that you have been on it looks like for over 4 months. It appears to me that your trying to hang on to anything to make sense of what just happened, anything so you can regain some control.
Regain Control, i dont think so. I never really had control, as far as it occupying too much of my head space, agree 100%. trying my best to change that. Some days are better and easier than others. I think i have had a harder time with this due to the abrupt way in which we disconnected and have had no interactions since. No closure does havoc on a mind that is used to seeking and understanding all the answers. I'm the type that is irked if I dont find out who what where and why. Im trying to let that habit go.
You have to let go and free fall if you don't your journey will be rough. You have to get out of her wake....don't ride in it....the water is too rough. Take your boat off to the side in calmer waters. It will do you wonders.
Doing my best to do this, see above.
If she has no interest in speaking with you then I would make no attempts and move forward with your life. She is also with OM which should further drive this home. Looks like your young, only married for a short while and she found something with this new job of hers. FWIW the same thing happened to my W when she switched jobs. Obviously there is something disconnected with your W for this to occur in the short amount of time you have been together. Like AS said this appears to be more about her than you.
I agree its about her. I wasn't doing anything different leading up to the affair than i had done in the previous 4 years. Some light-switch in her head flipped as soon as she got a new job. I think having been at home with the baby for the 2 years prior sent her into a tailspin when she got a social life back, and valued it over our M and family. That sound familiar to what your wife did?
Are you fit? Healthy? Do you look good? What have you done for yourself? What will she see the first time you interact with her since January?
I have always been in pretty good shape, and up until GAL'ing had never "worked out" a day in my life, beyond hiking and the climbing gym. That being said, since Jan 1 when I moved in with my best friend 2 months after WW moved out from our apartment, i have been working out consistently on his gym equipment. Its starting to pay dividends for sure! She will see a more fit, new hairstyle (she complained about this, but i changed this for me not her) more confident man who is done pining, begging and has a new backbone. lol. My goal is to be a warrior. A man of honor and conviction. Sound of body and mind.
If you don't want a D then don't push the issue. That is a personal choice. It is concerning that she has went to all these lengths to hide her pregnancy and TRO with you not doing anything wrong. All of it just doesn't make sense to me which should hopefully help you realize that this is more about her than you. You should also question whether or not you even want to be with this women after all of the accusations she has made combined with the OM would be too much for me to overcome. Again this is a personal choice.
Definitely holding off on D for now. more for legal reasons than anything. As far as what she's done and if id take her back, i think that would entirely depend on her demeanor and actions in the future. Time will only tell here. Im not holding my breath. I still have tiny slivers of hope, but not anything i cling to.
IMO if you don't want a D don't file or push it forward but you have to move forward with your life, enjoy the time with your son and be the best father you can be. Let your w take her journey, don't check out FB, don't like stuff, don't stew over the jacket, don't sweat the small details, don't send her a letter.....doing nothing is still taking action.
THIS is what i needed to hear. thank you. These things all seem so important but they really arent. Time and healing is.
Truthfully being separated is the best thing that has happened to you.
As much as it freakin hurts, yes. I am coming to realize you are totally right. She has no clue what Ill be like on the other side of this. And im doing my best not to care what she will be like on the other side of this.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
It's not control over your sitch it is control over your life. ACC and LH taught me a lot about this. Your stability and comfort has been ripped from you so grab at anything to try to stabilize yourself. That means trying to rationalize, analyze and think about/strategize what you did wrong.
You will never know the answer. I read on this board once that there are many things in life that happen to good people all the time that they never get answers for......why should you be any different? You have to accept and move on.
Easier said than done
Quote:
That sound familiar to what your wife did?
My W was not a stay at home mom but I think by moving jobs she got exposed to different co-workers who opened up her eyes to a new lifestyle that she never really was exposed to before. TBH she probably had the feelings they just enabled her to make it happen. It was the perfect storm most of these ladies are D, or unhappy in their MR's and this pushed her over the edge.
Even with this happening her thoughts were there......anyone who is happy in a MR will not do this so these enablers are not the reason. It was hard for me to accept at first but now I do. I played a role.
Gym efforts starting to pay off, with summer around the bend this has me feeling confident :), and im going to look at an apartment today with my son. Hopefully if i get it i can make it work, as its small, but affordable. Only 1BR, hoping the living room is big enough that i could partition a section of for my sons "room", or i may just give him the room and treat it like a studio for myself, who knows. So hopefully some positives on the horizon. Apartments around here are hard to find so ill make it work if i get accepted.
Im a bit worried as my last rental went south because of WW leaving and not being able to afford it anymore. Im concerned I cant use them as a reference for prior rental.
Play it by ear i guess.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Good...working out and lifting weights has helped me immensely. It is hard to feel down on your luck and depressed when you have that blood pumping through your muscles and increase your endorphins. Getting jacked also increases your confidence with summer around the corner you shouldn't need any excuse to take your shirt off.
Cool on the apartment, 1BR, 2 BR or no BR makes no difference just own it! Your castle! Sounds positive to me!
Thanks, i can feel the build up of how GAL will change my life situation.
i still very much think about the possibility of R, but i understand it is a slim chance and nothing is expected.
I feel so bad that my son has to go through this, hes moved all over the place in the last 6 months. He loved our house and his room in the Marital Apartment. I know he is hurting. i mourn all the birthdays, Christmases and other events together as a family that may never be, but if that is to be the way it is, so be it.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
