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Joined: Mar 2018
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Ste7e Offline OP
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M 40 W 34
Together 7 Married 2
No Kids
BD 1/18 need space
Moved out 2/18
ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18
W filed for D 6/18
D final 10/18
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 242
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Ste7e Offline OP
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What do I do now?
Anyone please help


M 40 W 34
Together 7 Married 2
No Kids
BD 1/18 need space
Moved out 2/18
ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18
W filed for D 6/18
D final 10/18
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 638
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You let her do what she's going to do. You don't have to help her, but you shouldn't try to make her stop or slow down. You can't talk your way back into a happy R with her. It will just look and feel like pursuit to her if you do, and that will push her further away.

{Aside: you don't need to concern yourself with her job change timetable and desire/demand that the D be complete then. Not even remotely your concern.}

Just keep doing what everyone's been telling you to do: cease all pursuit, go dark(er), GAL like your life depends on it (it does, at least a happy life), get into IC if you're not already in it, get fit, eat right, be pleasant but distant if you have to interact, like you'll be doing something incredibly interesting as soon as she's gone, get out of the house as much as you can, learn to meditate, read.

And, as much as you don't want a D, get a lawyer so you don't get boned or railroaded if she does file.


Me: 46
W: 44
Married: 17
Together 21
D13; S10
BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you)
Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage
Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
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Posts: 242
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Ste7e Offline OP
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I guess I have been doing a terrible job of LRT thinking that things were better than they are. Also kept thinking I was dealing more with a WAW than a WW although with no known EA or PA?


M 40 W 34
Together 7 Married 2
No Kids
BD 1/18 need space
Moved out 2/18
ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18
W filed for D 6/18
D final 10/18
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 242
S
Ste7e Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 242


M 40 W 34
Together 7 Married 2
No Kids
BD 1/18 need space
Moved out 2/18
ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18
W filed for D 6/18
D final 10/18
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 242
S
Ste7e Offline OP
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S
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 242
Well in a total moment of weakness yesterday after a terrible experience with my shrink (I immediately got a new one booked for next week who is an actual marriage counseler) I called the W and we had a pretty decent talk and she opened up ever so slightly.


M 40 W 34
Together 7 Married 2
No Kids
BD 1/18 need space
Moved out 2/18
ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18
W filed for D 6/18
D final 10/18
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 242
S
Ste7e Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 242
The dynamic between us is so weird as she is somewhat caring when I am weak but when I am assertive and strong she is a brick wall. Not sure how to process that and use in a constructive way?


M 40 W 34
Together 7 Married 2
No Kids
BD 1/18 need space
Moved out 2/18
ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18
W filed for D 6/18
D final 10/18
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,825
Likes: 230
S
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Posts: 9,825
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Well you are still too focused on her and her reactions. You will not be successful with that focus. Do what you feel is right, and her reaction is meaningless. You are trying to mind read her.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 242
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Ste7e Offline OP
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OP Offline
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S
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 242


M 40 W 34
Together 7 Married 2
No Kids
BD 1/18 need space
Moved out 2/18
ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18
W filed for D 6/18
D final 10/18
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 242
S
Ste7e Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 242


M 40 W 34
Together 7 Married 2
No Kids
BD 1/18 need space
Moved out 2/18
ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18
W filed for D 6/18
D final 10/18
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