Small Update: My in Laws are still asking for my info so they can file a tax extension, my Father in law is the one doing the paperwork (not surprising that W is having someone else do it for her, per usual). This is now the 3rd time my mother in law has asked for me to give copies of my W2 and SS# so that my Father in Law can file the paperwork. The issues is that i offered to meet F.I.L in person to do it on paper, which he refused to do "because he isn't comfortable speaking to me with the TRO in place". Which to me makes no sense, as I am the only one who can get in trouble because of the TRO.
I want to be cooperative and not make waves, but at the same time i don't feel comfortable handing over my financials and SS# to someone who refuses to speak with me.
I had offered other options to get the taxes filed on time and They (W and her parents) didn't even so much a reply to any of those options.
Any thoughts on how i should proceed with this?
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I'm afraid you are giving me too much credit.......or placing too much hope in me telling you how to save this M. I'll be glad to share some thoughts, but first, I have a few questions. You may not see the point in me knowing, but somehow it just helps me to have a better overview of the situation.
Do you feel you know pretty much everything about her past?
Did she leave her ex to be with you? If not, how soon did you start dating her after she left her ex?
You said things moved really fast and it should have been a red flag. Can you explain what you mean?
Quote:
Within 6 months we moved in together, another 8 months later (april 2014) she was pregnant. She didnt tell me about the child, and sucessfully hid it from me all summer, i didnt find out until October, and our son was born in Jan of 2015
Why would she feel she had to hide the pregnancy from you, since the relationship was good? BTW, you sound absolutely crazy about your little boy! .
Do you know any of her friends from the past (before you met her)? Has anything ever been said about this behavior resembling other times in the past?
What did you mean that she needed you to keep your son half time b/c there was no way she could take him full time?
You asked how long a WW might stay with her AP or in a similar situation. To be painfully honest with you.......most of the LBH's who don't get a D before leaving the board......just drop out of sight and we never hear from them again. . At least, that's what I have seen since the time I've been here.
One of the more recent success stories I remember was about two counselors. They had one child, preschool age, I think. The W was in an A and she even moved to another town, which meant the parents had to meet half way to exchange the child. However, she did not alienate him, the way your W has done in your sitch. I'll give you the link to his story. I think it took a couple of years before they reconciled.
I usually have quite a bit to say to H's who are trying to understand the mindset of a wayward W. I just don't know if this is the issue in your sitch. I mean, IDK if there are mental health problems involved. I have seen a couple of similar stories (the couples did not have a small child, and were second marriages) and the W would leave while the H was gone......and leave strict instructions to never contact her again. These type of cases can leave you feeling your hands are pretty much tied.......unless you can afford a shark lawyer fighting for you......what can you do? We can't force people to love us or work on the MR. These situations seem planned out, as if they have an agenda.....and they have other people helping to hedge them in and cut off access for the H. The H is alienated from his W.
IDK if it was her idea to make false charges against you......or someone else suggested it. The deeper the hole she tries to shove you into, the more you'll have to forgive........should she ever want to come back. There seems like something going on that has not been revealed, and that makes it complicated, for sure.
We had a poster a few years ago that started his own list of links to success stories. I'll copy/past, if you want to check it out. However, let me tell you this FWIW. You could read a hundred success stories and your situation would still be different from theirs........in some manner. If you are wanting to find the key to their success, or pattern your actions with theirs........get ready for a long, long read. It took years for some of these people. This list does not include everyone, just the ones the poster was finding and bforming his own list. I wish I had kept notes, or a list, but I didn't.
A couple places are blank, b/c he was new at the time and did not know some of the history. Mr. Bond's M reconciled.......his W was physically separated for four years. Mozza did not have a date by my name......but my M was saved. Can't give a precise date b/c I never physically left the house, but I ended my A and decided to stay in my M the same year I joined the board, which was 2007. It took me nearly two years for me to reach the point of wanting to "work" on my MR. There are at least two, maybe more, on that list (that I know about) that R, only to D later.
So, you are welcome to read them, but what you will find are people who learned to let go, take their eyes off their S and focus on a life for themselves and their children, GAL, and make personal improvements. They learned from previous mistakes. Those who later divorced, had spouses who (after a time) refused to be faithful/committed and work on the MR.
I'll post again. Hope you can answer some of my questions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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. At least, that's what I have seen since the time I've been here.