Good Riddance 2017

[JujuB]

I definatly have a case of something.
And i would vote for you if you run. As long as its not against kudos or caine though. Then i would be throwing my vote away.

I should not be so depressed. God, i just heard of a story about a mom 1 year older then me, leaving behind 2 small boys due to cancer. I am so lucky to be healthy and to have my son. I know that logically.

And ginger, we can travel and do things with our kids now. No need to wait till they are 18. Its always best seeing things in their eyes. I took him to visit family in missouri of all places, and he still talks about it. "Mom, going there was like a dream to me. It didnt feel real. Can we do that again?" I love it!

Im having some doubts about my new relationship and its depressing me. I cant put my finger on it. Im not sure if im blaming him for all my woes with ex. If i am hormonal. Or if i need to just communicate better.

Im emotionally detaching big time though because i am not feeling like he wants to spend time with me and son. I feel like maybe he will do what i want to keep the relationship going as is? But his heart wont be in it?

But i dont really know for sure if he wants what i want and i have to ask him directly. Like im wondering if he is trying to compartmentalize me as someone to date and go out with when my sons not around. But doesnt want more. Understandable, but not something i would waste my time on.

Or am i being to needy? Do i play it by ear. Bring up a direct question?
He is not direct. Does not want to say no or reject. But im thinking passive aggressive with things.

Im not confortable right now with this.

[Vanilla]

Please read NMMNG and see if bells ring?

V

[JujuB]

So, i am in a new relationship that seema to have potential. We met each others families. Its so different dating at this time in my life though.

But thats not what i want to vent about at 4 in the morning.

I had been worried and suspicious regarding ex. He has a new luxury car amd had been voluntarily takimg son out more. To places that cost money. It was something different and set up my anxiety. Why? Was he hiding his money all this time and no real addiction? I dont know. Hes got a newer and more expensive luxury car now (had one when we were together) but is asking me to wait before i cash CS check so probably just a selfish spender.

Turns out hes doing this cause he has a new gf with a kid.

I know i should look at it as, oh at least son gets to enjoy more outings and more attention. Or ahh. Thank god. Hes not plotting for more custody. Hes just trying to make hinself look like a good dad for new girl. Hea using our son for a cover and it makes me angry.

Im pissed at what a phony he is. And what a great cover he puts on. Its frustrating that everyone thinks he is this great, reaponsible, humble, low key guy. I know they think this because i once did. His personality is not showy at all.

I know who he is now. And i am glad to not be wasting time on someone that is empty and so so selfish. But i hate that it will take ao long for a new girl to discover.

A single mom is a perfect companion for him. He wont have to answer for his tine with her. He wont be expected to share info on finances with her. He will be able to keep up with his habits and no one will be wiser. She will know she has no right to all his time. And will be too busy with her own child to question him.

I wqs too busy qith our child to question him and he was able to deflect and avoid and do whatever he wanted.

Why does this still bother me at the core?

I am glad to be rid of him. I have my son and get tons of time with son. I am in a relationship with someone that wants a relationship and is committed to relationships.

I dont understand why i am still not over his deception.

How do you recover from that type of deception. From continued daily deception?

Amd it exists in great numbers all over. Our most respected artists,and celebrities, and leaders do this all the time. The world loves them. They receive tons of awards and accolades and money and fame. But they are often cheaters and addicts and abusers to their spouses. Np one cares thqt they are on to their 5th spouse.

No on cares or even believes what an a.hole my ex is either.

So why do i still care. Not always. But often enough

[doodler]

No on cares or even believes what an a.hole my ex is either.

So why do i still care. Not always. But often enough

JujuB,

I know exactly what you mean. It feels awful when people don't believe you.

[Ginger1]

Decception and betrayal are the two most awful things I think there is to deal with and let go of. Mostly because this usually comes from those we loved and trusted the most.

I am not over it. It still upsets me when I think about it. I think my mind has finally developed a way to not think about it anymore.

Cut yourself some slack. I totally understand the frustration and conflicting feelings when you see him all of a sudden become more engaged because of some other outside force. You know it is good for your son, but of course like "WTF, now you are Mr. dad for some other woman?" But he is just trying to impress her right now. Surely he will fall back into his old ways. but I hope he finds he likes to spend more quality time with his son.

I am happy to hear your new R is going so well. You are taking everything at a great pace. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and you are doing great. Enjoy yourself.

[JujuB]

I think its also the new woman. Like he was so dysfunctional torwards me. Saying things when i questioned him about cheating "you think this is about other women? I want nothing to do with women!!!" As if he was so stressed and couldnt handle anything. The nastiness torwards me.

The fact that he would be going places with someone and working on a relationship with someone bothers me. That he would be paying for someone when he evades my requests for extracurriculars.

If he really was a 800 dollar a week addict for a minimum of 3 years how is he able to have a relationship with a younger pretty woman when great people do not? He is not an aggressive pursuer at all. Just comes across as nice and shy. Amd will attract women that are looking for a good guy.

And now he gets to date someone younger and im sure she would be pretty. He once told me when we were younger how he only dates good looking women. That should have been a red flag.

So im doing a bit of the childish "its not fair " act right now.

I know i would not want to be him, or the pretty younger girl that thinks he is gonna be this great companion for her and her child.

I just feel like it was so easy for him to discard me.

[EyeTie]

Juju, We all get it. It [censored] when the other person moved on, but keep this as a mantra, "not my monkey, not my circus". My ex remarried a guy who is in better shape than me, taller and has worked hard to earn a good living. I am not jealous of him, nor am I of her being with him. It's more of a "eventually he will see what I saw" attitude. Sadly, with her, the facade is deteriorating rapidly. She claimed to him that she was a devout Christian, they bought a house that he wasn't allowed to move into until they were married. He often travels for work, which is fine, but he recently found out that when he is gone and she is kid-free she is out at the bars, that she doesn't go to church unless he is in town and a few other things. Your ex's new fling will see through this crap as well.

Hang in there, focus on you, focus on your kids and focus on your new relationship. Ignore the "what if's" the "Why would them do this with them but not with me?" and all that other garbage. I heard a line the other day that I always like to reflect on, "I don't have rear view mirrors attached to my head", meaning focus forward, not backwards.

You got this.

[JujuB]

Thanks for stopping by eyetie. I can't believe your ex is now playing the devout religious role. Hahahah! I cant believe some one fell for it that easily. I remember your posts well. Hope you and your children are healthy and happy.

Truth is, i dont really know anything about ex's new girlfriend. Just making assumptions. I am not jealous of her. I would not want my ex back.

I just feel like its not fair that he gets to have an easy life. Did I mention his new luxury car? After he banged up his old one. He also got a nice raise (just under to have to pay me more child support) and has his moms house to himself for most of the year

He has the luck of the devil. No one knows who he really is. He is a master at the double life. I dont think the new fling will see it. She will think hes with our son, or that his money goes to me. It took lawyers for me to to find out. And even the lawyers were shocked.

My own lawyers initially did not believe me until they saw the bank statements. They thought i was paranoid or perhaps the scorned wife seeking things that weren't there. I even doubted and still doubt myself. He was so good. And plays Mr. Humble so well. Ugh.

As for me, I am in what seems to be a relationship with lots of promise. I think i am falling in love. He was also a LBS. I think he is a good person with similar morals and values. I like being with him. And the only doubt I had came from me projecting my ex's behaviors onto him. (Luckily I kept that doubt to myself)

I am aware that my judgement failed me with ex though, so a bit cautious. But He treats me really well. And wants what i want...a person to grow old with. Hes a family man and from the same area I few up in, so very familiar and similar backgrounds and culture (If you can call the ungentrified working class ny boroughs culture)

It came so easy for me. I should not still be thinking about ex's life, but i do. Even though my life is getting better.

[Ginger1]

Luxury cars do not make for a happy person or an easy life.

Would you want to trade places with him?

I know you would like him to suffer, I would like my ex to suffer a but, but I really don't give a crap anymore. He's got exactly what he wants, even though he seem miserable most of the time. Most importantly? I want to be happy and I want my daughter to be happy. Nothing else matters.

You may not have a luxury car or own a house (neither do I) But look at what you describes as having! You did not have to go through dating h@ll to find someone who is on the same page as you, who you are falling in love with, who is a family man. What a blessing!

Ex's life is so insignificant compared to yours. Just another person. My hope for you is that in time, you won't be thinking about his life at all and you will see how much better it is to think about your life! Which seems pretty great, and very much deserved!

[Dawn70]

Oh Juju...don't be so hard on yourself! I think we probably all go through something similar. I had similar issues with my XH. He had everyone snowed into thinking he was this totally decent, respectable, HONEST guy, but yet he cheated on me. No one would've ever believed me if I had told them that, so I didn't bother telling it other than in posts here and to a few select people in my life who I knew would believe me (namely, my family). Just like you said, you don't want him back, just think it is unfair. I felt exactly the same way, so I get it. I wouldn't take my XH back now if he were the actual last man on earth, but it still sometimes hurts to see him in a happy new "place" while I flounder in the cesspool that seems to be dating these days.

Your life is about you now. Take care of yourself, pamper yourself, focus on you and your beloved child and just rock your own world. You got this! Not to mention a new relationship who WANTS a relationship....awesome!