Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Something I've been struggling with is our Thursday poker night. I haven't gone since he moved out because I didn't want to make it awkward for our friends. Our 22 year old D always went with us, but she won't go anywhere near him now.
He invited me to dinner yesterday, and then talked me into coming to poker. I didn't have any hopes or expectations. Dinner went okay. I played it cool and the meal was pleasant. No talk of feelings or anything to do with the relationship.
We arrived at the lounge early, and things remained pleasant until our friends started showing up. At that point, he completely switched off. Didn't look at me, didn't speak directly to me, didn't acknowledge me at all. Usually, we all stick around until the game is over, but as soon as he went out, he jumped up, said goodbye to everyone but me and walked out.
I was completely crushed! I sat there trying very hard not the cry and just barely held it together until we all finished. It is going to be so hard, but I'm not even going to acknowledge that this happened at all. And needless to say, I won't be putting myself in that position again. I haven't figured out how to approach the subject, but I would like to find a way to ask him to not come anymore so that I can continue with the games. He made the offer early on, but I didn't think it would be necessary. I really don't want to let on how much he hurt me last night. But that was one of my few social outlets -- he's got plenty these days.
I really should add this... along with the depression, I struggle with mild agoraphobia. The lounge is one of my "safe" places. I'm really not keen on any suggestions to find a new social outlet at this moment. It's something my counselor and I are going to focus on, but it's going to take time.
