Working through recon. Life is full of mountains

[Holding]

Hey JoeJoe, I'm glad you decided to post.

It sounds like IC is going well for you. We all played a part in the issues of our MR. There's always room for growth and self improvement.

I know the work is hard, but it's worth it.

For V day my W bought me a new silicon wedding band. I told I wasnt wearing another one until she bought it.

This is awesome! Congrats!

Onward and forward!

[SteveLW]

joejoe, do not be afraid to shop around for counselors. Counselors using your time to talk too much about themselves is a huge red flag. My wife went to IC years ago and had the same experience. It really soured us on spending 1000s on counselors, and we didn't pursue IC or MC for 17 years because of it. Don't let that happen to you.

[joejoe1]

H,

It's def worth it. I'm having trouble with my own emotions. I think it's a natural occurrence for the betrayed going thru this process from all my reading and video watching. I'm all so grateful for you lending me your ear as well. It's a process that can't be rushed. My W is actually putting in the work. But my triggers are off the chain. I'm working too minimize them as best as possible.

Steve you are absolutely correct about getting a counselor that works. Our counselor was not too bad last session. She also allowed me to correct her. She was trying to explain something and I told her that what she was explaining didn't make sense to me. She thanked me at the end of session and said she won't be using that explanation no more. She also help my W identify points in her emotions where she needs to communicate with me before she's get to the point of shutting down. It was a good exercise for my W. I will be doing the same exercise next visit.

The exercise, had my W layout emotions and for every emotion ID and describe the action she takes during those emotions. She explained to my W if she communicate at one of her first emotions she could eliminate ever getting to the point of shutting down.

We have been communicating really well lately. We still have our moments, but we now talk thru them.

She told me yesterday, that she wish our first 7 years of M was like the last few months. I knew in my head because we were poor communicators and ignorant individuals in a broken M. Now we are doing the work and it's paying off.

Onward and Forward

[SteveLW]

I hope I can say the same in a few months! Great work and keep it up.

[joejoe1]

Steve,

I hope so as well. Hope is a powerful thing. I will pray for you and work my hardest to keep up with your thread.

You are putting in the work and that's what counts.

Onward and forward

[Jim1234]

JJ, please continue to let us know how it's going. I get a lot of inspiration from your posts.

[SteveLW]

JJ, please continue to let us know how it's going. I get a lot of inspiration from your posts.

^^^^
THIS

[joejoe1]

Thanks all,

I lurk, but it's hard coming here. I feel obligated to give back, since I received so much wonderful help here. Without this place I wouldnt be where I am now.

I hate seeing all the pain, destruction, and trauma caused by WS and WAS. I dream and wonder howo you all look and how wonderful people you all are. I wish you all well.

I must admit, that info on recon is not huge. Also, finding people who can relate is hard.

And I hope you all make it to recon. I pray you all do. As AS say mostly all LBS usually get their chance to DECIDE to be back with their S.

My W has found peace on her end IMO. I have been struggling more. I'm always in fix it mode.

I'm always flooding or having remainders. I wasnt prepared for having her back. I was prepared for all the intense emotions.

Today I have decided to let go of expectations, live in the present and enjoy what the Lords has given me. I'm really being hard on myself.

What's also profound to me is when I was DBing I had a better wrap on my emotions and now I have lost control Of them some. I can concentrate better now, but I do get lost in reminders. I really hope I can start to move pass these thoughts ( I know I can).

I think putting this info here, helps to prepare people for what I wasn't prepared for.

My W is a wonderful woman. But that dont make what she did any easier to deal with.

Last weekend we made love twice in one day and almost went for a third time, but the kids came beckoning.

My 1 year old is crawling all over me at the moment, and I would hate to have to miss a second of this.

Healing takes time. Love is a choice and recon is no less easier than DB. DBers keep up the hard work, "do what works" as Sandi says. And dont forget to love yourselves.

Feed the good wolf
Onward and forward

[Jim1234]

thanks for the update. Your success story inspires in a different way that Joseph9's, and it's great to hear both of you are doing so well.

[joejoe1]

Update:

Last week I went on a work trip. Most of the trip I did good. The last two days I start to spiral a little and I let some bad thoughts take control. I work through them best as possible. I returned home on Friday evening, W took the kids to Houston for spring break and returned home on Saturday. I informed her on Saturday I was having some of those thoughts and she brought up some good points. In her comments, she use the word, "betrayal", which caught me by surprise. Later on we were sitting by each other and I asked her to go to Youtube so we can learn how to do something and in her search, I see she has been watching videos on how to help to betrayed get past infidelity.

I asked her a few weeks ago to watch those videos, to start to help her understand what I was going thru. She wasn't going to inform me that she was watching them, but when I noticed her vocab changing, I start feeling better.

Yesterday, we made love 3 times. She told me "I love you", an endless amount of times. She informed me she wants to renew our vowels and get matching tatts. So the journey continues.

I provided this update because there isn't much in piecing.

Some advice, I want to give is, be patient with your W, be patient with your Kids, be patient with this process, be patient with yourself, and be patient with patience.

Take your time and let the healing and process work, I'm a very impatient person, but as I work thru this, I now understand that expectations need to be monitored and quilled. Love yourself so you can love others.

The process don't end when reconciling begins, a new process just begins.

Keep you'll heads up LBS's. I can't think the Sandi's and 25's, and AS enough for the advice and the J9, holding, Jim1234 and all the others for the support. What a GOD sent this place is.

I'm living proof that if you use the advice given here, you will be given the best chance at healing your M. And, i'm no different from any other LBS that has came here.