The Hits Keep on Coming

[Dawgs]

Jeep,

Crazy is wonderfully addictive. It's an explosive roller coaster ride that takes you to new dimensions of reality. Who can resist that?

You should checkout Jim Carrey's short video titled "I Needed Color." Apparently he started doing art work after he broke up with Jenny McCarthy. His abstract paintings are amazing. When you see his paintings, you can feel all of the emotions of a turbulent relationship; it's very cool.

Doodler, my man!

I will definitely check it out. Thanks for the words!

[Dawgs]

Crazy is wonderfully addictive. It's an explosive roller coaster ride that takes you to new dimensions of reality. Who can resist that?

I get what you are saying. Her crazy, while it may have been there, didn't surface all that much. But yeah, she drove me crazy at times. Had me saying WTF at the most inopportune times. LOL. She's a great girl, though.

[Dawgs]

Ok guys, its time for a little Jeep healing, so bear with me. Lessons learned.

Some have told me that I wasn’t ready to have a relationship and love again, but I say they were wrong. I was more than ready. I will also say that Birthday Party Girl did a number on me. A big number, and quite honestly, ruined me.

The thing is, I really believed in her. I truly believed in what she was selling. She sold me a bill of goods better than anyone ever has. I like to think that I can see through bullsh$t, but she was so damn convincing. It’s one of those things where you had to be there. She was great – no, make that “perfect” – with the kids. She hung with Dad. Had him, and the kids, believing that she loved me more than life itself. Maybe she did and I’m looking at this through broken glasses. But it is what it is.

Looking back, there weren’t all that many flags until later. We did so many things together and she became in integral part of our lives. And yes, I cared for her. Deeply. I remember that last night we spent together – which was the very first night she spent in her new apartment – how we talked of things finally being out in the open. We talked of everything - the whole 9 yards. H3ll, I even had a trip planned for us. I cared for her that much.

But funny how things aren’t seen until after all is said and done. I had a good talk with one of my very dear friends about this and come up with this: I think that she’s extremely insecure and codependent. Also, I’m getting the picture that she is a user – as in selling out to the highest bidder…she has a “new man” now who cosigned for her car, power, and brought her a pane ticket to see her oldest son (who, btw, is my son’s best friend). WTF.

Also, I think she is going to lose her oldest to his dad permanently due to all the drama…she told me that his dad didn’t think she was fit. Sigh. She is broken, I will agree. I took a picture of her with her oldest son at the airport the day he left to move with his dad. That was a most sucktastic day...she lost her oldest son, and my son lost his very best friend.

She doesn’t trust any man – hell, her mom instilled that in her at an early age. But, I believe that she has a childlike belief, so-to-speak. She takes any sweet talk and runs with it as gospel, but doesn’t trust. H3ll of a combination. Look at how fast I was replaced. And, quite honestly, I feel that she is a lot like my ex in that she doesn’t know what to do with a good guy…word has it that this new guy is an abuser.

One of the saddest realizations that I come to is that she has no problem selling herself (see the part about cosigning auto, power, etc) for money/security. After all, her and this guy were together for a month and he does that. Good grief.

Now, I know that she has nothing and works very hard to provide for her and her remaining son. I just think her issues have control of her.

The craziest thing of all – is that if she wanted another chance I’d probably do it, even after knowing everything. There is something about her that draws me. Maybe its that her crazy matches mine in some ways. Maybe it’s the way we get along so great. There are so many things that I never put down on here that makes me say I'd probably do it again. I do know that I can handle her sh$t – and her. I’ve done it. I remember her saying that I was the only one who really made her feel good about herself. And kept her calm in worst of it all. And she was. But, she also sees things strictly in the black and white. Honestly, I do miss her. But, I’ve dropped that rock and said my goodbyes. Well, at least until she calls again or stops by.

I think that part of me will always have the door propped open but not holding it. I no longer am waiting for that knock but will accept it if it ever comes again. I do miss her. For reasons I can't explain. People say that things can't happen fast, and if they do they aren't real. I disagree. But, it is what it is and don't mean nothing.

I’ll leave my new favorite quote here: “There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong. And this kind of blindness might lead to a tragic turn of events.”

[Holding]

Jeep, would you really take her back? After she's moved on with someone else strictly for financial security?

I get that you have a strong emotional connection with this woman. Could it be limerence?

Your head knows she's not good for you, but your heart hasn't caught on yet. Give your heart time.

[Ginger1]

I know you are hurting and it is a lot to take in.

But she conned you. Like she conned guys of the past and this new guy. She is clearly a professional at this. She has perfected how to get men under her trance, use them for what they want, then move on to the next victim.

You would take a woman back who has done all this and is even considered such an unfit parent she has lost her oldest son?

I hope that when the fog of grief lifts, you can see this for what this truly was.

[Dawgs]

Jeep, would you really take her back? After she's moved on with someone else strictly for financial security?

I get that you have a strong emotional connection with this woman. Could it be limerence?

Your head knows she's not good for you, but your heart hasn't caught on yet. Give your heart time.

Limerence? No. As I said, there are many, many things I that I never put down on here. As far as the question of taking her back, I don't really know. The thing is, I never gave her any sort of financial security. For that year it was us doing stuff. H3ll, she brought me a LOT of stuff.

I do know she isn't good for me and my heart will get on. Some friends say that. And others - who know her - say opposite. I think only time will tell on this one.

[Dawgs]

I know you are hurting and it is a lot to take in.

Yeah. This one was brutal. Wait, brutal isn't the word. Sucktastically horrible.

But she conned you. Like she conned guys of the past and this new guy. She is clearly a professional at this. She has perfected how to get men under her trance, use them for what they want, then move on to the next victim.

Not quite sure what she got from me - except company. Nothing materialistic except a small birthday and Christmas gift. Never helped her financially in any form whatsoever.

I hope that when the fog of grief lifts, you can see this for what this truly was.

It's lifting. Slowly, but it is. I had to come to those realizations that I mentioned. I was up all night. Weighing it all. I said my goodbyes (well, to myself) last night. During our last talk, that night last week, I talked a bit about that and changes and stuff. She knows I don't play that game, and she knew it before we broke up.

A mutual friend - well, one of her girlfriends - told me that what BPG was feeling was real...that in her own way she loved me as much as I was led to believe. But, that she has never had a solid relationship with a good guy before and freaked (her words, not mine). I didn't pry and I didn't ask. That was in the grocery store Sunday.

Now, about the fit/unfit part. She lost her oldest son because her father felt he was in danger from her ex husband, who went to jail as you will call. He's out now. She has issues, granted. But I know she tries. Over the course of that year, what I witnessed (before the drama and events took place) was that she tried her best to be a good mom. She loved my children. When we were on the phone that night, I sent her a pic of my son and she started crying saying how much she missed him. But, I get what you are saying. There are many things I've left out but I've added most of the big things.

Would I do it again? I don't know. Honestly.

[kml]

The craziest thing of all – is that if she wanted another chance I’d probably do it, even after knowing everything. There is something about her that draws me.

JEEZ - will you STOP saying that? It's like saying "I know meth ruined my life but i'd take meth back if I had a chance".

She may be a sociopath or a borderline personality disorder, but whatever she has, she was playing you and you're addicted to the "high" of the bullsh!t she was feeding you. She was a great actress. There is no "there" there. Let go of the fantasy.

(You remind me of a friend who is being catfished - even though this guy comes up with the craziest reasons why he still can't meet her after several years, she is still suckered into the fantasy when it's obvious to everyone around her that it's a classic catfish situation).

It's a fantasy that you miss - a fantasy that she was very good at creating - but a fantasy nonetheless. It wasn't real. I know that's hard to hear but you NEED to believe it! And figure out how to avoid being in this situation in the future.

[doodler]

Jeep,

Dude, I'm sorry life svcks so badly right now. I know you'll pull through it. Like some wise philosopher once said:

Crazy love is like a box of chocolates; it’s better to have eaten the entire box and puke all over yourself than it is to just experience a tiny bite.

I may be misquoting, but you get the idea.

[Dawn70]

Jeep,

Dude, I'm sorry life svcks so badly right now. I know you'll pull through it. Like some wise philosopher once said:

Crazy love is like a box of chocolates; it’s better to have eaten the entire box and puke all over yourself than it is to just experience a tiny bite.

I may be misquoting, but you get the idea.

I think you got it JUST right, doodler.