Picking up Her MESS #2

[Vanilla]

How did the hearing go Marina?

Sending you extra hugs today.

V

[Vanilla]

Sweet lady are you OK?

V

[marina7]

Hello everyone,
Vanilla,

I guess I expect all this to be over soon, as I never delt with this or have myself heard a parent seperating kids.

Well W didn't show up infact W doesn't show up only her lawyer. As ya all might know I am struggling there's days I wonder can I become homeless due to this but I know I have to fight for my kids.

Court is slow all I can say the system has failed us now I understand when I hear a mother or father giving up. Btw which I won't so we had a guardian ad litem for pro bono well apparently this guardian ad litem use to work for W lawyer lawfirm so denied due to conflict so w lawyer said 50/50 which we have to pay. Only God knows my struggles I can't even afford my lawyer as I literally sell my things to hire my lawyer. So I ask how can I afford this.

I don't have family I have unfortunately a sad childhood story family in and out of jail,drugs ect I got away from that 20+ years ago and been on my own. I always done everything on my own where W has family they are dysfunction but they do stick together so I know W has emotinally and financial support.

So basically is I either walk away from this and lose my first son or I fight and give it all which is nothing. I literally had back surgery going in for another one. I get no help and the little money I get is to keep a roof over s8 and d9 literally we penny pinch every thing. My kids see coins in floor and put in jar to say mom we going help. This breaks my heart.

I try to stay positive because I know there's someone worse out there some family don't even have a roof over there heads. God knows I need a miracle to happen. So let's see what's next my lawyer is petitioning again but we all know all this cost money. So am truly losing all hope. But God will lead the way.

A day at a time

[Vanilla]

One day at a time.

Sadly I don't know the system where you are so all I can do is encourage you.

I get the financial pressure, I agreed a payment schedule with my L and has taken 3 years to pay her down to a few 000.

Being without family is very tough on you, even if it's just moral support and a little babysitting. You did say that your WW was in the army, is there any support from that direction?

I am more in awe after you have told me of your background, changing your life after those hardships is very difficult and you did it.

Remarkable.

Tell me about the back surgery, what does that entail? How long will you be out of action?

What will the surgery do for you? Will you need more surgery?

Can you get alimony Marina? Why 50:50 on the costs? Who made the decision not the free Guardian AL?

Just wish I could reach through the screen and give you all a wonderful hug.

V

[marina7]

Am in Illinois, me and W where not legally married due to back then gay marriages where not allowed. When it became legal I now can see W was check out already and that was about 3yrs ago when I remember telling W let's just go get married and W wanted a huge wedding or nothing so I now see what I couldn't see W was already going through her cycle.

I have lupus going on 15yrs and MS 4yrs ago I have nerve damage so they done a SPS is called spine stimulator to help with my nerves to tell my brain to move ect. Is more to help us people with illness to not depend on pain medication. Mines has work but been having battery issues and cords have moved so back in there to replace battery and fix cords in spine but we all know after surgery we never be the same so now i have pain somewhere else. So is a process

And the money I get from s.s is not much it goes to pay bills and take care of 2 kids. And when s9 here.
I was hoping to be back to work but maybe another 3 to 6 months. The question is do I forget about this surgery and maybe be in wheelchair bound in couple years.

So the judge made the ruling W lawyer said her client doesn't have a problem with guardian ad litem but 50/50 even though my lawyer said there was a free one pro bono the guardian use to work for w lawyer lawfirm and W lawyer feels is a conflict. I was shock is like the judge didn't even hear that i am not working. The judge ask can we fix this her lawyer said she has tried. W trying is if I walk away from S9 that's W trying and I won't walk away from a son I wanted not W a son I raised while W went out and walk away.

[Vanilla]

Marina

I am even more in awe.

Please get your operation as that is vital to your wellbeing and that of your children.

So, so tough at the moment.

We had a poster here called Diana who had great health challenges and you my lovely lady have three adopted children.

I have a dear dear friend with CPS and a stimulator and I know how vital this is to your wellbeing.

Some judges are **** and sadly you have come across one of those....

I want to swear loudly across the pond, I hope you can hear me.

V

[marina7]

Journaling,
So lately or lets say last couple months i been surving, and only God knows trying to get my s9 back home.

Well I have had a lump on my breast for couple of months finally it got worse with time swelling and leaking from nipple area now I am getting myself check. Turning 40 they say must do a whole physical check up. Had couple blood work and ultrasound and mammogram next.

I remember when wife been sick I never left her side and the last year in a half has been my worse my W left me at my worse this is the part am more hurt and angry. When I needed you the most is when you left us. Left me to survive with my kids without a penny to my name.

They say karma finds it's way and it will but I honestly feel that no human beings should go through the pain I am going through. I just Wish the best for W.


I can tell ya this there's days I wanna give up financially I can't am drowning and emotinally am so beat down. But I know there's always someone worse out there so I am grateful. But sometimes we just need a Miracle.

A day at a time

[Vanilla]

That lump needs looking at Marina.

Honey, please please your children need you well. Extreme self care.

Extreme

V

[Vanilla]

When you are ready would love to read a journal on how you and the kids are doing.

V

[marina7]

V,
Thank you for checking up,it's been a couple hard weeks. I got mammogram and ultrasound done and walk out with breast cancer forms. Wow

They did find the lumps the mammogram came back with some dsrk spot. So schedule to have them do biopsy I will have a surgeon go in and remove the discomfort lump, and then move forward with results.

This weekend kids are with XW, I realize I get bad anxiety when turning them over to W. Not knowing how they will be treated, Kids sometimes tells me some of W random weekends with her. I just listen one example is W was on the phone with someone and made a comment like is so easy having one child. Or another of W conversation with friends is how kids ruin her LIFE.

I sometimes wonder why would W be so cruel to kids they are only kids who never ask to be adopted or mistreated.

I would never understand how a W/H would leave us but also leave there kids. A question many of us want.

My kids are my world they are amazing kids, d9 is doing great in school d9 is going through her emotional cycle one day she is the happiest girl on top of the world and there's days she just hates W I mean hates her. D9 is in that stage of wanting answers she wants to know Why. D9 goes to counseling in school and once a week I take her to our family therapy. I tell d9 is a day at a time.

S8 is now S9 his birthday was couple days ago. My baby is 9 time is flying for me well W called s9 to say happy birthday the conversation lasted 57sec W literally said.

S9 Hi mommy "s had a big smile"
W hi Happy birthday
S9 thank you mommy
W ok gotta go

Silents and s9 says mom said I got go d9 put head down and reading her book. S9 whisper to d9 sorry mom didn't ask for you. D9 responded is nothing New she barely knows we exist. While I was cooking tears runs down my face to see my kids hurting to see them broken.

Court is going we go to court for child support let's see how this goes and kids now have a guardium ad litem we start in 2 weeks is sad to see this happening I ask myself why does W think is ok to seperate kids why do the court system allowed it to go this far without placing my s9 back home for him to be with his sibilings. I will never understand w logic of hurting my kids. Of mistreating them and telling them they really not sister and brother's my kids might not be blood related but they are all adopted and the same to me in my eyes and heart they are my children I never used the word adopted since BD I didn't want them to find out this way.