This is in your HW you have to do the work to get the results, there are no shortcuts.
What is your definition of detachment?
15. When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be rather scarce or with your words, but don't sound rude or too short like you are mad. If your spouse asks what's wrong....just say "nothing" and have a pleasant expression on your face. Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting. Use poise and class. This does not mean to act like you aren’t speaking, but don’t be overly talkative.
15. When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be rather scarce or with your words, but don't sound rude or too short like you are mad. If your spouse asks what's wrong....just say "nothing" and have a pleasant expression on your face. Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting. Use poise and class. This does not mean to act like you aren’t speaking, but don’t be overly talkative.
Or, if he is moved out, take the opportunity while he is over with the kids to get dressed up and go out and get your nails done...or treat yourself to dinner, or go to the gym.....or whatever!
He is moved out. On Monday we scheduled to meet to go over custody papers which I am dreading but it has to be done without any emotions.
I just found out that he has been drinking something that he hasnt done in 20 years. I think he does it to numb the pain. It just made me sad for him and have more empathy. Friends of his had to drive his car home after a party and then he hit the casino and drank a ton there as well. My heart is breaking for my girls. I am struggling today for sure.
Just went over custody papers and alimony with my paralegal friend. This is all overwhelming but necessary. His information was so ill prepared and not thought out. It is annoying to me that he wants to divorce but does a poor job in his own preparation. I am going to be prepared for me and my D's. Maybe he will come out of his crisis before this ends but I need to take care of me.
Be prepared for him to try to manipulate you in the process to try to get what he wants in the settlement. Don’t mistake that for he wants to reconcile. Make sure you get the best deal for you and your daughters.
I think he believes that I am not savvy with finances but I feel really confident!!! Also I just had a session with my DB coach Chuck who is so great in helping me see things I miss. Has anyone ever had him as a coach? Often times you feel naive when you want to feel hopeful at this stage of the situation. Chuck helps me be realistic but shows me that there can always be hope and he gave me some direction so I do not feel aimless in the process.
I am feeling better today. THis week has been one for the books with notarizing and officially being served. It really hit me hard. I spoke to my DB Coach who always seems to see things I dont. It keeps me hopeful but its hard to keep your spirits up when the reality is sitting on your desk. My husband is getting puppies to make our daughters feel better or "to make him feel less guilty." I wish he knew that all that he buys them will never take away the pain if he finalizes this D. I love him deeply and it hurts from all angles. I want to reach out to him and shake him!!! He looks depressed or sad most of the time. But to him there is no hope.
I cried all morning. I tried not to. He just texted me to let me know that he took money to pay for something at a house he is looking to buy and for his car. I dont freaking care!!!
I have had to pick myself up and meeting up with a new girlfriend who has walked through similar steps. What keeps me stuck sometimes is the thought that he will go all the way through with the D. But I know that to be a real DBer is to take him out of the equation and focus on myself and my children.
