By the way, I know it was wrong to check my husband's account, but I've always been of the mindset that in marriage we shouldn't have secrets from each other. Now of course my husband's whole life is a secret from mine, but finding out this new information was worth it to some degree because now I know why he stopped coming over in mid-December and gave up.
Thanks Subitai. It's really my daughter who needs focus since she's always my highest priority, but I'll try to focus on myself. I still struggle with figuring out what that means because nothing I do for myself makes me feel any better. At this stage in life (39) with a small child I have no interest in being alone or living the single life. The future just feels scary. I don't have a choice though. It's hard when well intentioned friends who are happily married say, "you should celebrate that he's gone!" Or, "you deserve better!" It's easy to say that when you're not in that position, but there's nothing to celebrate about a family breaking apart. And sure, I deserve better, but what I wanted is my husband. He was the best for me (before all this started).
Oh Nicole.... I don't know what to say. I know it explains a lot of his behavior, but I also know it doesn't make you feel any better.
You are doing the right things, focusing on yourself and your daughter. You will feel better, but it's going to take a long time. Even yesterday I was sad and missing my wife, but it gets better and easier. Keep yourself busy, and enjoy your daughter.
I wish I had something more helpful to tell you. Be strong, for yourself and your daughter.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Thanks Jim. I'll keep trying. I don't know how you're surviving alone after being with your wife for 26 years. It must be like missing half of your body.
I need to start a new thread but there's something wrong with my laptop. It won't let me cut-and-paste the link to this thread. I guess I'll create one without a link but I don't know if this link will disappear? It's bad timing because I just wrote those new updates....
I hear you about the single life. My WaW has made remarks about how I should start dating, or how she should ask one of her single friends to take me out. I... just have so little interest in that. I don't want to date. I want to focus on my kids and myself and hope that my WaW and I can forgive each other and reconnect. I do not want to 'move on'.
Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s M:11 T:13 S, D, both 7-10 BD : 11/2017 Separation : 1/18
