Thank you for the hug Andrew!! The sun, no, let me rephrase that.. the new day is upon us. It' s is nice and mild for a change. I asked D17 how she was doing today and she said " better". I asked if ex-h was still texting her and she said he had not answered her Iast text from last night. I said " good! He should have calm down and should be ok today. If he did not and you want me to address him, you let me know! She said ok and gave me a kiss and a hug.
Peace is restored so far. I hope it stays this way for awhile.
The police check.... yes!! Every car that enters my driveway gets one of those. Any one who gets a little too close, in his eyes, will also get one of those..
I know he cares but his ways of showing it are extreme and he come across as a psycho cop.
Not my circus. .. Life goes on.. new day, new page....
Every time someone who doesn't know what they are talking about tells me that I will be out of the mess of my situation when I get a divorce I just shake my head. When you have to deal with one of these psychos, it is never over. A divorce means nothing. The end of financial responsibility means nothing. The children getting older means nothing. Every time they need a little rush or are between soul mates, they come back for more dopamine. Vampire blood. That is all we are.
At bomb, when the craziness escalated, i had told ex-h that this kind of behavior was not love. It was an obsession or an addiction but not LOVE. You do not threat someone you love this way.
Once i set a boundary towards myself for no longer fixing his crap and stop making excuses, i stated to him that for now on, the world would see him for who he really is.
Did i play a role in his depression and withdrawl. I beleive so. Did he take responsability for his crap? NO To this day, he is the same.
Last week, D17 got a text from him. " Do not drive around tonight. Road are icy"
No hi, how are you doing? I love you...
She looks at me, shows me the text and says: "that is all he talks to me about now. The car and not wanting to drive at night or in winter."
I said: " he wants you to know he thinks about you and love you. He does not know whst to say cause he has no clue what goes on in your life.
When he came down on her with the arrest, he had asked her to go to his place this week-end. Well, today, he CALLED her and this is how he phrases his sh*t: " Hi! I know you do not have much time to yourself or to spend with your friends; with school and work, so it' s ok if you do not want to come this week-end. Plus, my house is a mess... with the renovations and all the people here...."
She replys: " oh! You don' t want me to go!!! That' s fine."
The reno of his house... getting ready to put it on the market??
He knows i want to put mine for sale in March. I feel my blood starting to rush.. Why follow us? He doesn' t even take part in our lives except financially so why not leave us alone instead of toying with everyone!! What does it gets him?
I just read Irish' s last thread. I looked back in our exchange with ex-h and i do see text book. They want us, spouse, to help them fix their mess without knowledge of the pain they caused us nor the struggles we faced because of their choices. They say they do not blame the children for not wanting to see them yet as soon as they feel rejection ( pain from our sides ), they monster and blame us all over again. They try to bait us for a response once they spewed. And follow with demand of empathy.
He's interested in new and shiny and that can easily explain the renovations. I do agree that he will probably be keeping tabs on you no matter where you go but you need to try to have his rope on you not hold you back.
As far as labeling him a psychopath goes, well you do know him quite well and from what you've posted his current actions are consistent with his past actions. You've learned how to deal with him in your own way even though I know you struggle at times. He blames you because things can't possibly be his fault. They're like toddlers that way I suppose
I'm sure that neither of us will get any sort of acceptable apology from our exes. Because of the zero contact I have with mine it's easier for me. It would be very satisfying in some ways but in my own case at least for the nearly 30 years we were together I can't recall a single sincere apology. And this is from a Canadian woman and you know our reputation for saying "sorry". I expect you have a similar experience.
For me at least and it's probably easier because of the zero contact and fully adult kids, I do think of myself as a single parent. I hesitated before using this phrase because it's rather harsh and I don't mean it that way, but realistically my ex is "dead to me". It's a helpful place to be because I don't have to consider her feelings or needs in any way. I know you can't get there yet and know that it's tough.
The sun is trying to shine down here in the "brown South". Fresh snow is on the ground and we both have a new day to seize and make the best of.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
They will try anything and everything to make themselves feel better. They are constantly "changing" things, thinking that by doing renovations will make him happier. This is all part of the ride of the MLCer...seeking new and shiny because he thinks it will make him feel better.
Very few will get an actual heartfelt apology. Apologies are very difficult for them. When I received a so called apology from my xh for being a difficult h for 25 years, I just shook my head. No mention of his monstering for 3 years plus and being a huge @sshole in the process. Like kids, to them apologies are just to smooth things over w/mom or dad and then they are on the move again. If he ever wakes up and comes to you, looks you in the eye and says "I am sorry", that is when it will be heartfelt. Until then chalk up whatever he says and continue moving forward.
Try not to allow his behavior and what he says control/rule you emotionally. Chalk all of it up and then let it go. Until you fully detach and do not allow him to create a reaction within you, he still has control. The only person that can control you is you. You are the only one that can determine how you want to react to his nonsense.
P.S. I would not be so quick to response to his missives. Leave him out there to do whatever he's doing. The less contact you have w/him, the better you will feel.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you both soooo much!!! (((Andrew))) and (((job))!!
My reaction to his non-sense occur here. Since our last text convo ( my outburst ) he has not made contact with me. I made contact with him to arrange the Christmas suppers and nothing else. He talk through the kids. Very little contact there to.
I agree 110% with: the less we know, the better we are."
D17 asked if we could go on a road trip today. These trips have been our "feel better" moments. We go on adventures and discover our surroundings. Full of GOOD excitement!
Not sure where we will go but the roads will take us somewhere!! Lol Have a wonderful day!!!
Last edited by job; 01/13/1807:12 AM. Reason: edited a word
