She would confront me and cause a scene. I not sure how that is appropriate for the environment. Maybe it would be better to address it in private? I also do not want her to know that it annoys me because that is pursuit: choose me over him.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
She would confront me and cause a scene. I not sure how that is appropriate for the environment. Maybe it would be better to address it in private? I also do not want her to know that it annoys me because that is pursuit: choose me over him.
If I were in that situation, she'd not only know it annoys me, she'd know that if she did it again she'd get a tiny clue of what h3ll will be like when she eventually gets there. I can assure you, it wouldn't be mistaken for pursuit.
I am thinking of just moving out and getting an apartment, just to get some peace for myself and S16. The other day she interrogated S16 about my location and accused him of hiding my whereabouts from her.
I know this goes against DBing.
Do you have trouble doing anything else that goes against DBing?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I guess I am just trying to implement things the way they have been laid out in this community. I see the reasons for them and I can understand that they are designed as specific responses to certain situations.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Well, when it comes to her showing favoritism in the kids, to the point of not feeding them at the same time and not allowing S14 call you Dad.......that would help me make up my mind. But, that's just me. This was two families that joined. You have to protect your son's mental & emotional health....as well as your own.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have a friend from Texas. A pal from university in England. He would use the phrase ‘pussy whipped’ (his Texan phrase not mine).
I am Texan born and raised, and I have never considered until reading this that this phrase is unique to Texas, LOL! I thought it was universal
Originally Posted By: Joe2017
I'm not really this weak. I need to stop.
Joe, have you read the Happiness Trap? If not, I highly recommend it. Showing grief IS NOT weakness. Feeling grief, showing it and owning it is the opposite of weakness, it is POWER. Grief and sadness are emotions, we wrongly assign "positive" and "negative" values to emotions when instead we should accept that ALL emotions have purpose and ALL are part of our lives. They are not good or bad, they just "are". We need to own them and experience them rather than trying to bury them. When you see an adult (man or woman) cry do you think "oh man how weak is that" or do you feel empathy towards them? When people show vulnerability we actually feel closer to them.
For the record, after BD I cried all the way to work and all the way home, and I have a 30-40 minute commute. Day after day after day. A lot of times even after I got home I would go in the room and cry some more. I was raised to believe crying was wrong and being a wussy, I could have counted on one hand the number of times I had cried from being a teen to BD. But man after BD I made up for lost time. Am I embarrassed about it? Do I feel weak? Absolutely not, it was cathartic. Being sad and lonely and hurt and upset is not a sign of weakness. You are not weak, if you were you would be curled up in a ball somewhere instead of here laying your soul bare with us. You are strong.
Please can you reread DB and DR. Get Sandi guidance (37) print them off and carry them with you.
The whole purpose of this is so that you make yourself the focus, your growth, your health, your GAL, your detachment.
Everything you do is about you making yourself visible as the wonderful human being, husband and father you are.
Currently you look at everything through how it affects WW and whether it brings her closer or towards OM. If it wasn't this OM then it would be a different one.
Detachment means fine if your R, fine if you don't. DB is strong because you become a winner either way. You connect with yourself, your children (both) and the world in the best way you can.
Currently you are like a water skier being pulled by WW power boat. That power boat is out of control and you are hanging on for dear life. That power boat is one minute heading for the rocks, the next the shore, the next out to sea. Soon it will crash......
It is much stronger to be you, to be the lighthouse. To be not driven around or dragged around emotionally. My view is that by leaving you are getting peace although WW has control. And naturally you can have control of yourself.
Your WW may leave OM1 for OM2 or OM3.
Detach Joe, let go of the rope that ties you to WW speedboat.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Being sad and lonely and hurt and upset is not a sign of weakness. You are not weak, if you were you would be curled up in a ball somewhere instead of here laying your soul bare with us. You are strong.
Dammit AS, you just made me cry. And it had been a few weeks now, too. I feel like such a wuss...
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
JOe, this is such a horrible awful hostile situation not only for you, but for those poor boys. I would get out and not worry about if is against DB. Your situation is abusive to you and both kids.
