Surfer my dear, I’ve been wondering about you. I hope you’re doing fabulous!
V, you too darling! I’ve had a wonderful couple days with the children. Ex was nowhere to be seen, and expecting the next random visit or kick off from him. My can’t be bothered meter is off the chart. I go from being anxious about seeing him to an “oh whatever, I’m tired of this. Do what you want”. Maybe this is the next step of my journey.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Not much is new R wise in my land. Though I’m not overly sure what i want. I don’t want to speak too soon, but I’m feeling very detached right now. I saw him briefly as i walked out last week. I had some things to do. He looked miserable as ever, i gave a hello and that was that. For the first time, he seemed ugly to me, I’m not meaning that in the fact physically (he is a good looking guy, though he knows that)- but his actions and the person he has become. And for the first time when i saw him, i just thought “nah”. Maybe I’m on my way to not caring. It’s just his continuous actions and his lack of support both financially and physically towards the children just anger me. He should be thanking his lucky stars to have these beautiful babies.
My life on the other hand, busy as usual. Juggling motherhood, life, a career and a business I’ve set up as a side line is tiring. But I’m determined to do what is best for my family. The Christmas break has meant I’ve had time to spend with my children, lovely days out. An awakening moment came to me that these years are flying past, and before i knowvit, they’ll want to hang with their friends and won’t want to have days out with their mom, or hold my hand with their teeny hands. I realised i should cherish this time and not waste energy on someone who does not deserve it
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I realised i should cherish this time and not waste energy on someone who does not deserve it
Wow I love this so much. I've been mulling over the power of appreciation/gratitude the last few days and this frames this so perfectly for me. What an amazing perspective - thank you!
hi, Cherry... i want to share something i wrote back in 2006... it was something i wrote for a homeschooling newsletter... it is based on Robert Frost's Nothing Gold Can Stay... your recent entry made me think of it... one caveat: it is written from the Christian perspective and does reference the bible... i hope it's okay to share... here is is:
MONDAY, JULY 24, 2006 Nothing Gold Can Stay
Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf, So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day Nothing gold can stay.
--Robert Frost
I have adored this poem by Robert Frost for many years. I have called it to mind many an early morning during late-spring outdoor Bible readings or journaling sessions. The sun is rising, casting a golden glow all over nature… birds are chirping, and only nature seems to be awake. And I want the moment to last forever. And it is but a moment that perfection lives. Soon I begin to hear car doors slamming, car engines starting up, cars driving away. The golden moment has passed.
Now that I am a parent, this poem has come to mean even more to me than beautiful golden mornings. I have witnessed a myriad of golden moments during the different stages of my children's lives: When Jonathan would yell, "Mommy!" as I walked through the front door after a trip to the supermarket. When Caleb snuggles up to me and says, "Mommy, I want to be by you." Or when Jonathan and Caleb don their "hiking gear" and back pack through the mounds of dirt in our backyard.
Every golden moment of the various stages of my children's ever-moving lives fades to other even more golden moments. And each golden moment--each fascinating stage--whether an hour or three months in length, is truly but a moment--passing much too quickly for this mother of the two most beautiful boys ever. But as nature has shown me, and as the poem goes, "nothing gold can stay."
"Nothing gold can stay." These words linger deep within my mind… and they hauntingly echo their assured truth in the middle of some nights as I lay in bed considering how quickly my baby boys are growing. When I first became a parent, other more experienced parents would tell me, "Enjoy every moment. Time passes quickly and they do grow so fast," or "Time really flies-next thing you know, they'll be going to college." But there was no real urgency in the way they would share these words--which led me to dismiss these words as cliché… just something someone says to new parents. Not one person ever took me aside to let me know just how serious he or she was. I believe I have been deceived!
Is it really true that nothing gold can stay? Is this really true? Yes. In the natural sense, it is true that nothing gold can stay. A green apple ripens to an enticing red--and is indeed in it's golden moment, ready for eating… but if the apple is not eaten, it will continue to ripen, and then over ripen… it does not stop to rest in its state of perfection--its golden moment. It continues until it rots. Hence nothing gold can stay.
But what about my children? Surely my boys are more than an apple, leaf, flower or sunny morning. Isn't there more to life than starting out green, ripening to the "age of perfection," and then slowly withering toward the twilight years until death takes us altogether? For the one who puts his hope in Christ, the answer is a reverberating yes! Yes, yes, yes! A celebration of "yeses" because of our blessed assurance--that promise that causes us to catch our breath when we grasp but an inkling of it all--from 2 Corinthians 5:17, Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! And from 2 Corinthians 4:16, Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
Though the natural part of man continues through the stages of life under natural law, not so the spirit. For those of us who put our hope in Christ-who descended from heaven to earth to be born of the Virgin Mary, who led a sinless life, who took on the sin of all mankind, who was crucified, buried and who overcame death by way of His resurrection, for those who are born in spirit, our "golden moment" is yet to come. And it is a golden moment that can and will stay.
A line in a well-known hymn says, "When we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun, we've no less days to sing God's praise, then when we first begun." And this is how it will be--no aging, rotting, withering, dying. We look forward to an existence of complete "golden-ness."
Until then, nothing gold can stay...
CHERRY: Enjoy, cherish these moments, because they do go by so quickly! in Latin: Tempus Fugit!!!
But know this--even though they grow to eventually leave you, when you do live out many golden moments while raising your children, there is a benefit... even though they do grow to become independent of you, they come back to you in a new way... as adults, (mine are 17 and 21)... they choose you... and it is beautiful... the relationship i have with each of my sons is truly golden... i have had many difficult moments with each of them through the living years, but today--i cannot express how sweet, loving, beautiful (put in any adjective that is positive here) we have it... and i know it's because of all of those moments in their childhood...
Let me describe the 'ugly'. It's subconscious accessing of cues to health and wellbeing. Leading us to see how truly unattractive they are.
Consider what waywards do:
1. Physically...... Drink Smoke Drugs Eat badly, too much, too little Exercise too little or too much Have risky sex Spend time and money on peripherals Coffee
What does this do? It starts to slowly rot and destroy the body in subtle ways. At least initially. Then it speeds up if it's not resolved.
Mentally...........
Bad thoughts Poor sleep Wasteful habits Limiting beliefs Rages Manipulation Focus on self Limited love And covering it up all the time
In due course waywards deteriorate and decompensate.
Their souls rot until even they can't command respect for themselves.
---------------------------- Look at the potential for the LBS, who works on themselves. The LBS state is often a temporary holding place for growth.
The LBS outgrows the wayward eventually, and as strange as it seems it is ALWAYS the LBS that calls time and over. Lets go and finds the wayward an ugly stranger.
It's those unconscious cues to lifestyle and mind. The LBS reads those and notices true deterioration. The LBS sees the ugly and it repels.
So yes, when you see the ugly it's not a judgement but an observation. Even the somatic beauty can be ugly.
Cherry you are awesome.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you 2016sux, I’m so glad that i can help anyone in some way, I’m a strong believer in finding the positive and things to be grateful for.
Artista, thank you so much for sharing that with me. So moving and such food for thought. I intend to cherish these moments, from the sleepless nights to the fun days out.
V, as ever thank you for the info, very interesting and definitely strikes a cord. I’m glad my mind is finally catching up.
I think i am genuinely tiring of things. The hope of reconciliation is slipping and I’m beginning to think that this is no phase, this is him showing his true self. He has gone his path and I’m going mine. Over heard a conversation to his mom about how I’m not family. Downright disrespectful, but doesn’t surprise me. He paints me out to be someone that has turned his mom against him. I have actually stuck up for him on many an occasion and tried to mend their relationship. But the fact is that she is disgusted by his actions, and that is why their relationship is strained. He also went on another rant in front of me about how he is happier and became happier the day he left. There was many a thing i could have said to him. But all i could be bothered to do was roll my eyes and say “tell me something I’ve not already heard” and walked off.
After this he tried to make a slight bit of conversation with me, but i was busy. I’m at a stage now where it doesn’t matter what i do or don’t say. Nothing resonates with him. He deliberately tries to hurt me with his words, but i just can’t waste any more energy on him.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
