I agree w/doodler and Fogg...something is very off/wrong w/this guy. Be careful.
I agree...I can't imagine any woman sending a man nude photos when they haven't even met or gotten to know each other. Sounds creepy to me.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hmmmmm...... I'll weigh in, but I don't think you have quite enough information yet to tell. On the one hand - the "no hookups" thing, being from out of town, all potential red flags. Plus who goes looking for dates while in the midst of a cross country move? Wouldn't you wait until you get your kids there and settled before dating?
On the other hand - could he just be a naive guy who doesn't understand that there are catfishers who are sending him nude photos (yes this does happen to guys online - or Russian prostitutes trying to nab a rich American etc) ? And who is so new to online dating that he doesn't understand that the very nature of it is that you talk to multiple people before you meet one you want to date? And if so, why is this naive online dater so desperate for a relationship that he's lining up dates before he even moves there?
Choosing between naive and deceptive , I'd vote for deceptive. This is why you minimize online chatting and go straight to a coffee date once you've established there's some interest on both sides. It's too easy to get sucked into feeling like you have a relationship chatting online. Online dating is a misnomer - it's online meeting, like running into someone at a party. The coffee date is like sitting in a corner at the party and talking to the person to see if you like them. THEN you can go on a real date if they still seem ok.
Other flags to watch for - if his move gets delayed, if his story about his dead wife changes, if he needs money FOR ANY REASON. Also run his photo through tineye or some similar program to see if it's stolen.
You're too kind G. Maybe that's why the few people in my life I have that are friends all tend to have battled darkness and depression. It's a hard road but they are some of the most sensitive and caring people I've ever met. If I could spare you the suffering I would, but instead I hope you can enjoy the consolation prize of these amazing gifts.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I agree w/doodler and Fogg...something is very off/wrong w/this guy. Be careful.
OH NO!!!! My worst fears have come true - I'm now being confused with Doodler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Totally kidding, or taking the opportunity to kid but I think it was me you were referring to.
Great comments KML - you're very good at this. I've actually tried to play with some of these scammers but I'm not very good at it. They tend to figure out I'm F'ing with them pretty quickly and go away. Sadly, the most "action" and responses I used to get OLD was from these scammers. How pathetic is that!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I am so sorry for confusing you with doodler! My apologies...but I do agree w/your comments to Ginger.
Happy New Year to you and your family!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree w/doodler and Fogg...something is very off/wrong w/this guy. Be careful.
OH NO!!!! My worst fears have come true - I'm now being confused with Doodler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Totally kidding, or taking the opportunity to kid but I think it was me you were referring to.
Great comments KML - you're very good at this. I've actually tried to play with some of these scammers but I'm not very good at it. They tend to figure out I'm F'ing with them pretty quickly and go away. Sadly, the most "action" and responses I used to get OLD was from these scammers. How pathetic is that!
Me too, but as yet not confused with Doodler, but am going skinny dipping in the Atlantic tomorrow at 7 am with 100 other mad folk.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Well, hello everyone! Thanks for all weighing in on my most recent OLD experience.
I will start by saying I appreciate all of your concern and it is obvious you all do care about me and I now it comes right from the heart.
That being said..... RELAX! I am a intelligent woman, and you can see from my post I had some concerns, so my eyes are wide open. I also want it to be said that before we began talking, was when I realized my depression was too much. I began pulling out of my hole before I began talking to him. I am not in a desperate state, I am detached from outcomes, and I am being smart and careful.
As we have gone on talking, I do not believe I am being catfished. So that is one less thing to worry about. His story checks out completely. I saw pics of his daughters live, and the one matches the one in his profile picture. His job is real, the company is real, the locations are real.
He was weary about me. He said I feel confident you are for real and I really look forward to meeting you. We didn't get into details, but his wife passed when the kids were young, and he dated, but no actual R's. He said he couldn't with 2 young girls. We talked about the whole introducing kids thing and our opinions and they are similar.
I seriously think this dude has been out of the game for soooooo long.
Oh, and yes, women are out there looking for hookups. They do send nudes off the bat. It is a real thing. And a sad thing. Just as a guy will send you a dickpic as soon as you hand them your number, girls will do the same. We aren't the better more dignified sex all the time. Women out there are as dirty as some guys, looking for the same things.
Why did he go online before getting settled here? I don't know. He's been back and forth here for a little and here for over a month. He's never lived in my state. Maybe it isn't the best idea to pile all this stuff on top of himself at once. But I am betting he is lonely, and rightfully so.
Where are the red flags I do see? When he realized I was the real deal, he got honest. He really likes me. He has asked several times how could I possibly still be single (I get used to this question, I really hate this ne, but understandable). I am afraid he may be building up a fantasy of this amazing woman in his head, then he meets me and I don't live up to his fantasy. Which is also why I like to meet up early.
What's the good thing about all of this. Whatever happens happens. It's not my life, I am not putting all my feelings and eggs in my basket of this being some magical romance. I am simply dating. And if he is a bunch of BS or wrong for me, it's "bye-bye" but if I don't stick around to find out, well, then maybe I lost something great. I am not wiring him any money, it's all good.
So, listen to this. I get a message of POF from that guy from the gym who has liked me, but unfortunately he was the one who was arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a 17 year old high school student he coached. While he was married and his daughter was a baby. he doesn't know I know. I know because my good friend from a farther away town knows him because he lived there and his daughter goes to school with her kids. He asked me out on POF and I turned him down by saying I was currently talking to someone else. He seemed pretty upset. He is a nice guy, and maybe he has been rehabbed and people deserve second chances, I am the mother of a daughter, so no way in hell.
I am just taking everything one step at a time. But I assure you all, I am not some naïve 20 something year old so desperate I'll believe anything. I am an adult woman who has been through the ringer and back facing every challenge throughout my whole life, yet managed to raise a great daughter, continue my education, and hold down a career. I am doing all right. I am not desperate enough to make dumb decisions like I did when I married my ex.
This week we move all our cubes at work to a crappy side of th ebuilding with different rules and work is going to get even worse. More than anything this year, I want my job situation to be resolved.
Tonight I was invited to two friends houses and one invited me much later and I have a commitment to someone else, so that one friend is mad I am not going to there house and yadda yadda and it really makes me want to go no where tonight. I was going to fake illness, but then D10 is stuck home alone with me. I realize I can't make everyone happy, So, someone is just going to deal with it.
Happy new years everyone. Every year I have said "this year will be my year!" Well, every year has blown since 2008, haha. So, I don't even care what this year brings anymore. No expectations. Just health and happiness for my child is what I need.
Hi Ginger, my general advice would be to invest proportionately if or when the relationship develops further. If you find yourself thinking incessantly about a guy you didn't yet meet, but who 'seems' nice - I think that's over-investing.
I think if you have met and been out with someone a number of times and there are no red flags and you like him and he likes you, then it's fine to invest a little more of you in the relationship.
In general, from what you have previously posted, I think you tend to open up and emotionally invest a litte too soon, which can then cause you some hurt, which may have been avoided had you not invested as much as you did at such an early stage.
I do hope things develop positively for you, but I would encourage you to slow down a little in your thinking and heed the wise advice of others who read along too.
Happy New Year to you :)xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
One more piece of advice; if the guy shows up wearing a dress, don't immediately write him off as a prospective partner. I'll occasionally wear a dress on a first date just to take the edge off and lighten things up a little. It seems to open the lines of communication.
