waw maybe

[bhappy2]

I have some time to think about it but it looks like I am going.

[bhappy2]

Just getting ready to go to the gym and after that I have some shopping to do, then off to work.

My weekend away might be postponed until next weekend b/c one of the people I am visiting isnt feeling well.

W was very nice today and as usual made dinner and leaves it for eveyone as she goes to work. I was going to do laundry and she apologized that she just started a load. I said no prob I'll do it later. She doesnt like touching my gym clothes and has not done my laundry in a while.

I am starting to feel less and less that I want to work things out with her and quite frankly i still cant believe that this is where we are in our relationship. As I have said before I truly believe she thinks the grass is greener on the other side, well I say just go for it... Why wait!!

W's sister who is 48 has had several A's and is still married. She even brought the new BF's to family functions. It was always premised by her saying that she was getting D'ed and that her H was aware of her new BF. I was always told by my W to never confront SIL48 about this and it was a really awkward situation at family gatherings. BTW she is back with H and at family gatherings they almost never interact.

I would really like some suggestions on how to interact with W, at the current moment its all small talk which either one of us will intiate. Should I stop intiating? At this point I find myself asking her stuff that is just really irrelavant. I even see myself as being annoying but when she is around i can't help it. It is minimal but I would think if it was the other way around I would be annoyed.

[rexgm]

Bhappy,

yes I would stop with the small talk. Detach and find something else to occupy your mind. Read the paper, a book, occupy yourself with your phone and look interested and she will be curious as to what your doing. Make her work for the conversation, if she talks then keep answers short but pay attention to her. Make her feel she has all your attention when she is talking and when she stops go back to what your doing.
I hate to say this but almost like a cat, when you ignore them they want your attention, when you want their attention they ignore you, unless they need something from you like food.

[bhappy2]

Had a question, early on after BD my W would just jump like she was startled every time I enter a room. Almost like she was scared of me, she then started doing this with the kids so much so they started asking me whats wrong with her.

For the months of july and august she ate ice cream every single day, not a day went by that she didnt eat ice cream. This was also the time she became very nasty with me. Would anyone like to give an explaination as to what was happening. I think I know but would like to hear others opinions.

I have a full day planned today, getting a new desk, going to the gym and putting up Christmas lights.

W made a nice dinner for everyone and its sitting on the stove, I was thinking that maybe I should just start making and eating my own dinner, any thoughts.

Once again I really am feeling like I want her to move out and start the D process, Why? b/c I am now feeling like what she did is so wrong! Who does she think she is to cause all this damage? ugh...

[rexgm]

Had a question, early on after BD my W would just jump like she was startled every time I enter a room. Almost like she was scared of me, she then started doing this with the kids so much so they started asking me whats wrong with her.

I cant speak for your wife, but mine did some similar things. I cant begin to wonder what is going through their minds. My wife did tell me that she felt i was out of control and was scared to be around me. I do not understand how or why she could get these feelings. I asked if I ever hit her in the past or violent with her, and she said no, so i then said what makes you think i have all of a sudden change and would start that? she didnt answer but the feelings about her being scared didnt change. I just moved on, and thought to myself let her craziness be her problem, as long as it doesnt affect my time with my daughter. I cant control how she acts or thinks.

[Verum]

I would really like some suggestions on how to interact with W, at the current moment its all small talk which either one of us will intiate. Should I stop intiating? At this point I find myself asking her stuff that is just really irrelavant. I even see myself as being annoying but when she is around i can't help it. It is minimal but I would think if it was the other way around I would be annoyed.

Small talk is fine, but you should not initiate it, or only when necessary. Second, you should break it off rather than try to keep it continuing. Small talk keeps the pressure off the spouse about the relationship, but the interactions keep the path home open, and also serves as an opportunity to show any 180s you might be doing. Besides, since you are living with her, it makes for a more pleasant arrangement for you too. I couldn't imagine being in a house with somebody that I didn't even acknowledge.

[sandi2]

I would really like some suggestions on how to interact with W, at the current moment its all small talk which either one of us will

How are you doing on that homework I suggested? I think you will get answers to these questions within those links. Don't appear as if you are mad or cold........but rather, kind of preoccupied.

Should I stop intiating? At this point I find myself asking her stuff that is just really irrelavant.

Have you read the 37 rules? You don't initiate calls, texts, or irrevalent conversations.

I even see myself as being annoying but when she is around i can't help it. It is minimal but I would think if it was the other way around I would be annoyed.

Of course she's annoyed! It's a huge turnoff. And, yes you can help it! You are in control of yourself.

Had a question, early on after BD my W would just jump like she was startled every time I enter a room. Almost like she was scared of me, she then started doing this with the kids so much so they started asking me whats wrong with her.

Sometimes, it could be when you nearly catch her contacting OM. But who knows? I have read where some WW's do b/c they are trying to build a false case of "being afraid" of the H.

For the months of july and august she ate ice cream every single day, not a day went by that she didnt eat ice cream. This was also the time she became very nasty with me. Would anyone like to give an explaination as to what was happening. I think I know but would like to hear others opinions.

Well, I'm guilty of going through periods (especially hot weather) of eating ice cream every day.......but it had nothing to do with my waywardness......or bad behavior. Is ice cream all she ate? It would be just a guessing game on this end. There ere extremely few excuses for nastiness.

Once again I really am feeling like I want her to move out and start the D process, Why? b/c I am now feeling like what she did is so wrong! Who does she think she is to cause all this damage? ugh...

If that's true, then why would you care how you interact with her and what all her peculiar actions mean? Why would you try to start conversations and be focused on her so much? I suspect this is just an emotion you are experiencing. I doubt you are really ready to call it quits. Being angry at how she's treated you......is not a bad thing. From what I've read, these feelings are all normal for the LBH.

[bhappy2]

Thank you once again Sandi, I am working hard at this and I will update as often as possible.

Today she is being very friendly, wants to give the children presents from both of us. Her tone and attitude has definately improved towards me and there is no anger. I know this means nothing at all...

Today I went to the gym, ran 5 miles and did some errands. Bought dinner for the family W ordered and I picked up, felt like the old W today.

Is there anyone who may be in the same position as me that thinks when and if W wants to R that you want to tell them to forget it that you are moving on? Not for revenge but b/c how do you know they wont just do this again in a few years.

[bhappy2]

Nothing new to write about, DB as usual.

GAL: Gym, ran 5 miles today 8:35 pace nice and easy. Going to buy a new desk for home office.

Interaction with W always starts with her and today was just her asking "Can you let the dog in?" My annswer Yes.

I would like everyone who is reading this to know that I prob have read your thread and I am sorry for not commenting on them. For the LBH that has W's that already have OM I commend you on trying to fight for your M but as I am learning you realy need to let go. I can say this, there is someone out there right now who will love you for who you are.

Again i do not know if my W has OM but I highly suspect it, and when I find out I will file myself and turn the page.

Side note: The LI Medium is S and looks like she is heading for D, are we taking wagers that she soon has a BF about 20 years younger.

[bhappy2]

I think my W temp checked me today as i was driving back from running some errands I see my W in front of me driving. She notices me behind her and I do not look in her rear view to see if shes looking I try not to let her see me looking. Well we get to the house and she leaves me the driveway, she was in front of me and parked in the street. Then as we are walking in she says " I bet you thought I was going to take the Driveway" I answered "NO". That was that, nothing more.

Just got back from the gym ran another 5 miles and did some ab work, S21 says dad you are starting to get some abs... I said thanks. He sometimes goes to the gym with me.

So an area of concern popped up the other day and S21 is somewhat mad at W. My son is close to joining a LE agency and the agency visited the house and wanted to interiew neighbors to find out what kind of family we are, well W opens her mouth and says oh dont visit that neighbor b/c kids used to play knock and run on her. So they then go right to that house, the neighbor spoke nothing but nice words about us but the damage was done. He really laid into her to keep her mouth shut. He asked me to speak with her and I told him it was between him and her.

I saw AnotherStander write that we need to detach without being cold and distant, I find this to be very difficult. I can and have detached but I can see how I seem cold and distant.

Also I have gone over all the financial stuff with my L and accountant and I will benefit financially from a D. All my children with the exception of D18 will have to get their own places to live. I refuse to buy my W out of the house, I also do not feel like paying for this house twice as the equity is greater than what we paid 23 years ago.