Very interesting. I feel as if my ex traded down. I am a nurse, she is a lawyer. By profession, one might say he traded up (although she doesn't make much money?) She is also not physically attractive at all, doesn't cook, doesn't clean, is a hoarder, enjoys very little activites, is scared of balloons and water, and I hear is very lazy. But what does she have that I don't? The ability to put up with his nastiness and having everything his way. I stopped putting up with that.
So, it can be seen many ways, that affairing up or down thing. Basically, someone else is giving them something they feel you can't, whatever it may be.
I first found out about the balloons when we did our first combined party for our D. I told them to bring home the balloons since D was going home with them. Ex pulled me aside and said "ummmm, we can't. OWW is afraid of balloons" I just burst out laughing. Then I walked past her with all the balloons and she totally ducked as if they were going to attack her.
Then D tells me everything else. Aparrently she likes to talk like a baby too. D10 says "it's weird". And she can't let the water hit her face in the shower.
I know I went off topic, sorry, but sometimes we can all use a little comic relief.
Artista, Wow reading your story makes me think of my exw... we are in a lesbian relationship we adopted 3 beautiful kids.. our first son was 3 months and then 3yrs later 2 more which was not plan I took guardianship from my sister which we later adopted. Now we have S9,D9 and S8 Well April 2017 BD and OW by June W just walk out and took some clothes left everything behind and didn't hear from her for a month. Around July she ask to see kids we meet at drop off and then I'll pick up. W would spend less then 2 days with them i would see her anxiety after w having them. Around August W came over to pick kids after my big surgery and only took our S9 our first son stating he is related to me if he wasn't I wouldn't care either of course i been trying to keep kids safe she then brings him back 2 weeks later but if I didn't do what she said she would use only him as a pawn. Now D9 and S8 feel abandoned and w Doesn't help by telling them she never wanted them. So I finally put my fot down and said to w i won't allow you and ow mentally abuse my kids of course denied. Since then a month she separated kids won't let me see S9 who knows what she told me son. While I have D9 and S8 which they all again are adopted by us. Since then my laywer seeking for full custody and bring S9 back home. So now I have a question if you dont mind.
I understand ya H/W are angry,mad or hurt with your spouse but why take the anger out on your child lash out on them not care of kids feeling or emotions.i break my head not understanding why hurt children's in the process. How can I show W she is hurting them or how can I want her to love her kids again. W will be served next week with custody of all 3 kids and child support will this make her more angry or will this wake her up. After everything she has cause us I still wish her the best and happiness I don't ever want to hurt her as she done with US.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Hi Artista, I posted a welcome on Hoosjim's thread, but you may not have seen it. I'm sure everyone is eager to hear your story. I see where you are getting the same questions from LBH's that I use to get. It's normal. Some will think if they do what your H did, then they can save their M, too.
Anyway, I just wanted to welcome you. From what I have read in your posts, you are going to be very helpful here.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I understand ya H/W are angry,mad or hurt with your spouse but why take the anger out on your child lash out on them not care of kids feeling or emotions.i break my head not understanding why hurt children's in the process. How can I show W she is hurting them or how can I want her to love her kids again. W will be served next week with custody of all 3 kids and child support will this make her more angry or will this wake her up. After everything she has cause us I still wish her the best and happiness I don't ever want to hurt her as she done with US.
good afternoon, marina7... i cannot answer your question... i didn't have anger toward my H... the entire time i was cheating, i knew it was wrong, and i knew he did not deserve it... i could not rewrite our history... even though others (mainly friends) tried to rewrite it for me... but i would not let them... when it came down to it, i could not and would not lie to myself... i never made excuses for my waywardness... during this time, H thought there was something wrong with me, and that i needed to figure out what that was--on my own... without him... i believe he was protecting himself...
regarding our sons, i never did anything to purposely hurt them... i did not use them as pawns... for twelve years, i had my kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week--since i homeschooled them... i poured myself into them... when i moved across the country, it was to be for maybe 4 weeks, and that turned into 18 months... i came back home for a visit for three weeks after being away for two months... my sons came back with me and stayed for 8 weeks... a month after they left, i returned to visit them for 2 weeks... and then one month later, i went back for a one week visit... about six weeks later, i went back to visit for two weeks during the holidays... and about two months later, i visited again for 2 weeks... then about 8 weeks after that, they came for the summer again... and at the end of the summer, the three of us came back for good... so i saw them as much as i could... i am not saying what i did did not hurt my kids... i am saying that i did not purposely hurt them...
when i wasn't with them, i would still homeschool them via SKYPE... i worked part time, so when i would get off work, i would go home and do school with them... it was 1:00 pm my time, and 10:00 am their time, so that worked out well... so we SKYPED for several hours M-F while i was living away... unconventional... but i did get bombarded with heavy guilt about 6 months after i came home for good (right before the reconciliation)... it hit me hard... but nobody held it against me... not my H, not my sons, not my siblings, etc... they say i did what i did--retreated across the country--as a way of saving myself... i say, "perhaps..."
so i am sorry that i am not able to shed any light on your question... i am sorry you and your children are having to endure such heartache... all i can say is try to do what my husband finally did (after months and months of snooping and splicing every syllable)... let her go... don't try to figure her out... do everything you can to live your life with your children in an authentic way... right now your wife is like a poison to you and your family... do what you must to preserve yourself and your children...
