My wife and I have been together for 7 years. The past 2 years have been rather bumpy, not for our relationship, but just our lives in general. I lost my dad, she lost her grandma, her aunt diagnosed with cancer. More recently, last year around this time she began experiencing fatigue. Lost her job around Christmas. Started to feel better in the spring and returned to her old job she had before. Then started feeling the fatigue again. Got a sleep study done and was diagnosed with Narcolepsy.
I did my best to support her this entire time, helping her make and driving her to doctor's appointments. Picking up the extra housework, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry. Even taking on extra jobs to help us financially.
We saw another doctor for a second opinion in early September. She said the diagnosis wasn't definitive, and other factors needed ruled out. This aligned with my belief as well, that I wasn't 100% convinced (since the nature of the disease there is usually a triggering event, and there was nothing that would explain it). Doctor told her to get her vitamins to not just normal level, but optimal level, and gave her some new medication called nuvigil (a more powerful longer lasting form of what she was already taking, provigil). We also agreed she would take a work leave of absence at the end of the month to figure out how to better cope with the disease.
October rolled around, and she got a vitamin shot, started working on her art (she has been trying to put out a children's book for some time), and just chasing other dreams she has before she turns 30. She met a local artist on instagram who took an interest in her work. He at first wanted her to do a nude modeling for a picture, which we both weren't comfortable with, so I suggested maybe he could help her with her art instead. Which he did.
She immediately became enamored with her art work, staying up all night working on projects. As part of her taking a leave of work, she was supposed to be figuring out a consistent sleep schedule, and was now doing just the opposite. What's more, I missed her. I remember reading it's good for couples to go to bed at the same time, and I really wanted us to stay close, so her staying up all night was starting to weigh on me. She told her PCP she was feeling better and really excited about how things were going. Meanwhile I'm still picking up all her slack, feeling neglected, and genuinely worried about her health. Her blood pressure is practically pre-hypertension at this point which is abnormal for her. She thinks it was from the ritalin she had been taking before the new medication, but I thought it might also be due to the new medication and/or the provigil, because it was still high after she stopped the ritalin. Also the wacky sleep schedule was not good. She even admitted that maybe the new medication might be keeping her up at night. I made a few comments to her about it throughout the week. -I hope this doesn't become a habit (her: it won't) As it worsened -you're on my brother's schedule (my brother stays up all night), she took offense to this Eventually I told her I was worried about her health, and am just concerned. She said she's fine.
Anyway, after a couple weeks of this, we were at a bar and she was talking to all the guys there about her art. Now I could be wrong, but I doubt they were genuinely interested in her art as much as she is pretty and they were interested in talking to her. As we were leaving she was signing a picture she drew for one of them but didn't have a pen. The dude looked at me and called me a hater for not having a pen for my wife. I immediately pulled a pen out of my jacket.
As we were walking home she as talking about how great it was everyone loved her art, meanwhile I'm feeling like crap bc she was hanging out with all these guys and didn't even stand up for her husband when one of them was disrespecting me. I told her that's good but maybe we need to get opinions from someone other than a bar. She immediately took offense, ran ahead of me and locked herself in the bathroom. This turned into, probably our biggest fight we've ever had.
I asked her why she didn't stick up for me. She said I should have joked back with the guy. I said some stupid things like those guys don't care about your art, they just want to talk to you because you're pretty. I also told her how much it was hurting me her staying up all night and that i feel like I never see her during the day and miss her. She told me her art is the most important thing in the world, more important than me, more important than her. I was having my heart broken. I threw a plastic cup I was holding on the ground. She said I was being violent. I spent the rest of the night just pacing and trying to cope with the gravity of what she had said. Finally I sat next to her and said if you're going to stay up all night so am I. She told me to go to bed and leave her alone. I told her no. Finally she said I reminded her of some creep that followed her at a club once, so I took the hint and went to bed.
In the morning I apologized, (no apology from her) but we still were at an impasse about her staying up late. So she decided to spend the day/night with her friend. Finally the next day I told her if she really wants to spend all night on art, then I'll find a way to make it work. I also mention maybe marriage counseling would be good, she says I need to see someone first for a few sessions before she'll join. So I spend the whole day looking for counseling, and reach out to one via e-mail.
The next week we were on pretty good terms it seemed. She kept staying up late, but I let it slide even though it was difficult. During this time I guess she posted on instagram about having insomnia. Remember, this is someone who is supposed to have narcolepsy.
Her instagram presence grew during this time, posting more often. She told me it was to build a following for her art and modeling dreams. I was as supportive as I could be, but again I'm still concerned about her health.
Finally, I meet her and some friends a happy hour one day. Her friends are talking about some new thing she is starting. I'm clueless and ask what is going on. She tells me and i don't know how to react. She says she has an interview at a modeling agency tomorrow. I ask her what about the chiropractor appointment we have together. She says she won't be going. I tell her we plenty of time to make it, I'll drive if she wants to get ready in the car for her appointment. I'm a little upset she just would schedule this and not cancel her appointment, but am just trying to get her to do both. Finally I give in and say I'll tell the doctor you had something come up.
Later we talk about it and I am still feeling guilty about the first time and tell her I support her and give her a hug. She says it's about time, all her friends and family support her. I ask her what she means. She says at the bar I didn't react favorably. I tell her my side, being the last one to find out about something important like this, was kind of hurtful. We agree we're both mis-communicating.
That weekend (before halloween) we go out with friends to the bars. Me and her have a great time with everyone. The next day she does it again with my sister. 2 nights in a row of staying up late. The next day she is up early because we have a memorial mass for my father. We spend the day at my mom's and have a good time.
Monday I help her get ready for the day ahead. I ask her if she wants to keep her dentist appoint the next day since she has her first day at work and might be hard to do both. She says yes. After I get off work I call her just to check in. She seems annoyed, I guess she was trying to nap and I woke her. I brush it off. We also go to her mom's to celebrate her new job. She starts telling them about it and gets really emotional. We pop champagne and I toast saying "hopefully this new job is really successful." Later Help her pack up her car with props for her job as this new webcam girl model she insists there's no nudity and it's really professional--I give her the benefit of a doubt).
The next day I'm leaving work and go to call her to see how her first day went. When I take out my phone I see she has been trying to reach me. Apparently she was running late to her dentist appoint and didn't know where it was and needed my help. I call her, she answers frustrated and says she's not frustrated at me. Says she's not keeping it. I ask her if she still plans on meeting me at the eye doctor to help me pick out new frames. She says she's too tired and is planning to go out with her friend later so she wants to go home and nap. I tell her if she wants she can go to my mom's and I can meet her there (since it's close). She agrees.
At my mom's I walk in an see her lying on the couch trying to nap. She tells me about her day and I hug her, and listen. I still kind of have my reservations so I'm not acting super excited but not saying anything negative either. She asks me if I can make her soup after a nap. I say sure.
Well my sister comes over and starts talking to her. She starts getting upset with me because I didn't make her soup and asking where her soup was. I ask her if she's ever going to nap. She says no and yells at me to make her soup. I begrudgingly go into the kitchen to start making her soup, feeling neglected and like a servant. I put the bowl in the microwave and sit down at the table to start drawing on a pumpkin with a sharpie. Next thing I know she comes storming into the kitchen pissed and yelling at me about the soup. I'm frustrated and have a knee-jerk reaction of throwing the sharpie at her. She says I hurt her. I immediately apologize and says sorry I didn't mean to hurt you. She says we'll talk about this later, and I stay sternly, "we will". Me standing up for myself isn't working and she is incredibly upset with me now. Watches some show with my sister to take her mind off it.
Finally after some time she goes up to the bathroom upstairs. I knock and ask her if we can talk. She says no she's angry. I say again I'm sorry I threw the marker. She says that I'm physically violent and abusive, and most women would have left me by now.
I go downstairs and ask my mom and sister about what just happened. Was I really that out of line? I mean I know I shouldn't have thrown a marker, but is this reaction normal? They are both really surprised by her actions both before and after the marker, and my sister says she'll talk to her.
I'm talking to my mom when she comes down, and she asks me not to talk to me mom about it. Says we can work it out in counseling and is hopeful we can. I say ok. Later I go in an tell her from my heart, I would never intentionally hurt you. She says she's not so sure. Also I'm like this black cloud raining on her parade with her new job and modeling. I tell her I do support her, but I am honest with her and tell her I just have some valid reservations. We leave it at that and have a good rest of the night. We go home, make up, and make love (her idea). I think things are improving between us.
The next day she goes to her job, then meets a friend I've never seen before at the bars after work. Ends up closing down the bars, comes home at like 3 am. Stays up later to draw.
The next day she's out again, goes out with friends from work to try to get to know them. Same thing. Gets in late. Again stays up late drawing. Aside from worrying about her at night, I'm beginning to get a complex she doesn't like me. Finally I tell her please just let me know when you're coming home and get home so I don't worry. She agrees.
She's also working a LOT at her job at this point in time. She's excited by how much money she is making and spends a ton of time at the job. Burning the candle on both ends. She tells me know guy offered to pay her lots of money for her to watch him masturbate but said she'd have to ask her husband. I tell her I don't know how I feel about that.
After this goes on for 4 days I tell her I miss her. She says I always say that when she's doing art. But literally the only time I've seen her was when I was getting up for work and she was going to bed. She finally says Sunday will be a good day for us. Well Saturday night she comes home wasted. Hungover on Sunday and sleeps in. I help her recover and give her some remedies. We drive out to pick up her car she left at the bar and walk around the city some. We go to the CBD bar she was talking about and wanted to show me. She buys some gifts for her friends there and CBD oil for herself to help her draw art and I guess to sleep as well (as I will later find out by looking at her instagram--she was having mania and difficulty sleeping). We spend a few hours together but really it's dominated by her being on her phone on instagram. Finally we go grocery shopping because we haven't been to the store in weeks. Then she decides she's going to go in to work. I tell her I understand wanting to strike while the iron is hot, and the first week is her being promoted. Besides I knew Monday was going to be a big day for us. I just didn't know at the time in what way.
Monday was a day we had been looking forward to for months. I splurged and bought expensive seats for Bob Dylan. Also, as a surprised, I upgraded them even further to 2nd row. I was excited to tell her about it that night. We had plans to meet at 4 at the house so we'd have plenty of time. I reminded her more than once about the timing and she said she wouldn't miss it and was excited.
She doesn't come home until 3-4 in the morning Sunday night, and again stays up all night doing art work or something. Finally she comes to bed around 6 or 7? I'm pretty tired and worried from what's going on so I'm sleeping in late to try and catch up--I just sleep so much better when she's safe next to me--so I'm getting some good Z's in. I wake up at 9, she's not in bed. She was up talking to someone on instagram and says she's going to be doing a music video with a local rap artist who is going to be flying his private jet to meet with her and tutor her. I'm not sure how to react. She's also been talking differently, using terms I'm not sure where she picked them up from, but lying in bed she was speaking to me in rhymes and couldn't just talk normal. Said I was disrespecting her for not understanding. She went on about how she is a "mom" and needs to lift up women to be "queens" and is on this mission. Then says she needs to help comfort her "mom" (the supervisor at the agency) who just had her boyfriend leave her.
She knows I want to leave around 4 so we have plenty of time to hang out before the concert and have a nice day together. It’s 5 and she’s still not back. She hasn’t even made it to the agency yet because she was getting her nails done first. Finally she gets home a little after 6. In the mean time I was trying to make the best of it and started making a nice steak dinner. I have the music on, candles lit, all the food is ready when she walks in the door and I’m mixing drinks. Perfect setting. She is so happy to see what I’ve done and walks into the kitchen giving me a big and long kiss. Then proceeds to apologize for being late, saying that her nail artist was treating it like a ceremony. I’m still preparing things and admittedly only half listening, and let out a chuckle to let her know I’m laughing it off. Her expression immediately changes. She asks why I’m laughing at her. I say I’m not. She asks why I’m laughing. I say I’m laughing at the stylist for being so particular. This upsets her and she runs into the bathroom, saying “She was beautiful. She was Christ. You laughed at Christ.”
I don’t know what just happened, and am trying to piece it together. I ask her if she’s going to come out as the food is getting cold. Finally she shows up. I ask if she’s ok, and I’m sorry if I said anything to upset her. She goes on about how I keep hurting her. I’m trying to understand, and I glean that they were doing some sort of prayer (I guess this is when that recent mass shooting happened), grieving together. I tell her I thought you meant she was just being really particular. She continues being upset and raising her voice. I calmly ask her not to raise her voice at me. She tells me she will “not be silenced” and starts screaming at me. Honestly I don’t remember the next things she’s screaming, louder than she ever has before, all I remember is apologizing and saying I don’t understand, but am trying to. She tells me she can’t go to the concert with me. I ask her to reconsider. She still says no, I should just go with someone else or give her the tickets. I finally let her take them, since it was her birthday gift.
I’m an emotional wreck at this point, shaking because I don’t know what happened. I promised her I wouldn’t bring our family into our problems, but this was a huge betrayal on her part, an “expensive lesson” as she puts it. More than that, I’m incredibly upset that she would do that to me, over a simple miscommunication. So I call her mom and we talk a little about it. After her calming me down, I try texting my wife again, asking her if we can talk and saying how big a night this was supposed to be. She tells me no and to respect her boundaries. I tell her I do respect her. Was looking forward to this night for months and I don’t even know why she’s doing this and she’s not giving me a chance. Then tell her how much I love her and care about her no matter what and I would never hurt her intentionally and wish I knew what she wanted from me.
She was planning to spend the night on the couch at the modeling place, but I tell her no, please be safe and sleep at the apartment. I’ll leave for the night. I finally just ask her to let me know when she is safe at home.
The next events I find out from instagram. Apparently she is at the concert with one of her friends I don’t know. She was warned by security for something and ended up leaving the concert. She thinks the security guard was out of line.
The next morning I wake up to her texting me that she’s at the airport heading to Oakland Ca for a photo shoot.
I’m shocked, ask her who and where. I only get the name of the company. I look them up and they’re not based out of Oakland. She says she is legit, I’m not respecting her boundaries, and I need to let her FLY (as in become this superstar model she wants to be). I tell her it’s not respectful to go places and not tell anyone any details so they worry about her. It’s not just me either, she’s not really telling anyone much of anything her mom included. My sister who she’s really close with. Everyone.
I found out, again via instagram, she only got 1 hour of sleep that night. Apparently she met someone at the concert who was a photographer and they wanted her to come out to Oakland. She has a video of her looking spaced out, driving to the airport on her instagram. Saying how she is going to “shine like a diamond” etc..
I’m freaking out and talk about it with my family and hers. Everyone is worried about her. Before this I had suspected that the new medication might be to blame for her staying up all night and causing this behavior, and I look further into that theory. I call her doctors and let them know what’s going on. They agree it’s incredibly odd behavior and doesn’t match her narcolepsy diagnosis at all. If anything, it might have been some underlying undiagnosed condition, and the medication just exacerbated it or brought it to the fore front.
My sister makes the mistake of texting the girl she was at the concert with, asking if my wife might have been on anything. The girl then told my wife about it, who feels betrayed by my sister. Calls her a Judas. Then immediately texts me, telling me it’s over, she doesn’t like the manipulator I’ve become, to pack my things and leave the apartment and get divorce papers.
I also reached out to her counselor friend and ask to talk. Figuring she's a counselor and familiar with these diseases, she might be able to offer more insight. I tell her what's going on and she says she doesn't think my wife has been acting weird. Says something about standing my ground and not pushing ally one way or another. Also I should probably take half the money out of the bank account. This is something the doctor's and her parents suggested as well. I thank her and ask her to keep the conversation confident.
I get the login information to her bank account and start monitoring it. I also check her gmail the next day just to keep tabs on her and see where she might be staying. I'm genuinely worried.
Well somehow she finds out I was monitoring the bank account and her gmail. Calls her mom furious at me. Her mom says "it's scary". Our counselor friend told me I have a right to the apartment, but I'm honestly scared to go back there. In the mean time I've also been reaching out to the marriage counselor for advice. My head is spinning and I look online for help, and find out about a bipolar support group. I go there and tell my self, and they all seem to agree it's bipolar. One girl says the drinking just makes it worse. The next day our counselor friend says she her from my wife and she seems fine. I tell her that I went to a bipolar group and they all seem to think it's bipolar, and that I called the crisis network for advice and they said they could send a mobile team out, but I didn't know what to do and don't want to do the wrong thing. I tell her I'm going to meet with another counselor friend (they both went to school together with my wife), and ask if she can join. She doesn't get back to me til later.
The next day I decide it's best I give my wife space and honor her boundaries. I write her a nice letter and draw her a picture (how she shows affection for others), leave her a voicemail saying I'm giving her space and respecting her boundaries and going to spend some time at my mom's. She actually responds positively telling me what's going on and that she'll be at a modeling show on Friday for her birthday and hopes to see me saturday for her birthday party. Meanwhile on instragram she's saying how she's moving to california. Tells her mom as much.
I'm spending the day with the other counselor friend just telling him what's going on, but feeling hopeful that maybe I can at least get her to talk to me in person on saturday. Well in the mean time the first counselor friend I reached out to and asked to keep our conversations confident, went ahead and talked to my wife for about an hour. Next thing I know my wife is posting on instagram about how I'm verbally, physically, and mentally abusive. How I turned her family against her and convinced them she has bipolar, is on drugs, and is going to have her committed at her 30th birthday party.
Completely undermining even the little bit of progress I made with my wife. I text our counselor friend asking what she said and call her out. It wasn't even true, she lied to my wife. Then she told my wife I saw the post and mentioned the crisis center (I'm not supposed to be seeing any of these posts because I've been blocked, yet her profile is public). Worst counselor ever. Feel completely betrayed, and the other counselor friend I'm with is shocked by what she did.
Find out she's going to be coming home friday and spending the night at her mom's after the fashion show. I make myself scared at the apartment, rewrite the letter to just state facts and to show her I love her and am committed to her and to remember us for who we were. That I'm willing to be by her side through her dreams and won't hold her back. That I set up an appointment with a counselor and hope she can join for an upcoming session when she's ready. Most of all I tell her how much I love her, and how I've proven my love time and again over our marriage with examples and I'll prove it again.
The next day, when she got into the airport, she blamed me for moving her car and making her search for it in the cold. I know this because she called me a monster on Instagram and made a video about it. Her mom tries to tell her that doesn't make sense. She never stops by the apartment for the letter
Later that day she can't get into her bank account because her PIN has been changed. She blames me for changing it, even though I don't have access myself to the account. I think she may have changed it when she found out I was monitoring it and forgot. Whatever the case, I got the blame, and she makes another instagram post about how she was going to pay me for her right but isn't now because I tried to steal from her. How I'm the worst kind of person imaginable, a monster, and if I have any shred of humanity left I'll get divorce papers and mail them to her. She decides she's going back to california that night (she has no friends or family out there, other than strangers she may have just met).
I saw this morning she was at the airport with 3 guys, on her way back to california. I still haven't reached out to her since my voicemail. I tried analyzing what's been going on. On the one hand I do believe it really might be bipolar, on the other hand it could just be paranoia and other things caused by lack of sleep. There is also some truth in there that we were having some issues, mostly miscommunications, because so many big changes were being made by her and we never had time to sit down and discuss it--but nothing that couldn't have been fixed.
At this point, the wife I knew seems to be gone. I don't know if she'll ever return or what that will entail. Her mom said she went through a similar episode when younger, before she met me, but that they chalked it up to adolescence. My wife told me, and her mom, on separate occasions, this is who she really is, and she was just suppressing it the last 7+ years. It's odd because she seemed really happy with me, so I don't know if I fully believe that. Whatever the case, this new person in my wife's body is not who I married. I'm feeling grief over her loss.
I honestly don't know where to go from here. All her stuff is back here. She left her friends, family, everything behind.
I've thought about downloading some of the videos she posted as evidence, in case this does come to trial. I'm not sure what I'm trying to prove, whether she's mentally ill or what. But at the very least if her accusations of abuse come against me, I might be able to defend myself by showing she was no operating on much sleep and was having paranoia.
Optimistically, maybe it is something that can pass and she may be rational again. She eventually returned to speaking with her mother before in the past. Of course her mom is family. So I don't know if I should hold hope that she'll do the same for me--even though I loved her more than anyone. Still do.
My wife and I have been together for 7 years. The past 2 years have been rather bumpy, not for our relationship, but just our lives in general. I lost my dad, she lost her grandma, her aunt diagnosed with cancer. More recently, last year around this time she began experiencing fatigue. Lost her job around Christmas. Started to feel better in the spring and returned to her old job she had before. Then started feeling the fatigue again. Got a sleep study done and was diagnosed with Narcolepsy.
I did my best to support her this entire time, helping her make and driving her to doctor's appointments. Picking up the extra housework, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry. Even taking on extra jobs to help us financially.
We saw another doctor for a second opinion in early September. She said the diagnosis wasn't definitive, and other factors needed ruled out. This aligned with my belief as well, that I wasn't 100% convinced (since the nature of the disease there is usually a triggering event, and there was nothing that would explain it). Doctor told her to get her vitamins to not just normal level, but optimal level, and gave her some new medication called nuvigil (a more powerful longer lasting form of what she was already taking, provigil). We also agreed she would take a work leave of absence at the end of the month to figure out how to better cope with the disease.
October rolled around, and she got a vitamin shot, started working on her art (she has been trying to put out a children's book for some time), and just chasing other dreams she has before she turns 30. She met a local artist on instagram who took an interest in her work. He at first wanted her to do a nude modeling for a picture, which we both weren't comfortable with, so I suggested maybe he could help her with her art instead. Which he did.
She immediately became enamored with her art work, staying up all night working on projects. As part of her taking a leave of work, she was supposed to be figuring out a consistent sleep schedule, and was now doing just the opposite. What's more, I missed her. I remember reading it's good for couples to go to bed at the same time, and I really wanted us to stay close, so her staying up all night was starting to weigh on me. She told her PCP she was feeling better and really excited about how things were going. Meanwhile I'm still picking up all her slack, feeling neglected, and genuinely worried about her health. Her blood pressure is practically pre-hypertension at this point which is abnormal for her. She thinks it was from the ritalin she had been taking before the new medication, but I thought it might also be due to the new medication and/or the provigil, because it was still high after she stopped the ritalin. Also the wacky sleep schedule was not good. She even admitted that maybe the new medication might be keeping her up at night. I made a few comments to her about it throughout the week. -I hope this doesn't become a habit (her: it won't) As it worsened -you're on my brother's schedule (my brother stays up all night), she took offense to this Eventually I told her I was worried about her health, and am just concerned. She said she's fine.
Anyway, after a couple weeks of this, we were at a bar and she was talking to all the guys there about her art. Now I could be wrong, but I doubt they were genuinely interested in her art as much as she is pretty and they were interested in talking to her. As we were leaving she was signing a picture she drew for one of them but didn't have a pen. The dude looked at me and called me a hater for not having a pen for my wife. I immediately pulled a pen out of my jacket.
As we were walking home she as talking about how great it was everyone loved her art, meanwhile I'm feeling like crap bc she was hanging out with all these guys and didn't even stand up for her husband when one of them was disrespecting me. I told her that's good but maybe we need to get opinions from someone other than a bar. She immediately took offense, ran ahead of me and locked herself in the bathroom. This turned into, probably our biggest fight we've ever had.
I asked her why she didn't stick up for me. She said I should have joked back with the guy. I said some stupid things like those guys don't care about your art, they just want to talk to you because you're pretty. I also told her how much it was hurting me her staying up all night and that i feel like I never see her during the day and miss her. She told me her art is the most important thing in the world, more important than me, more important than her. I was having my heart broken. I threw a plastic cup I was holding on the ground. She said I was being violent. I spent the rest of the night just pacing and trying to cope with the gravity of what she had said. Finally I sat next to her and said if you're going to stay up all night so am I. She told me to go to bed and leave her alone. I told her no. Finally she said I reminded her of some creep that followed her at a club once, so I took the hint and went to bed.
In the morning I apologized, (no apology from her) but we still were at an impasse about her staying up late. So she decided to spend the day/night with her friend. Finally the next day I told her if she really wants to spend all night on art, then I'll find a way to make it work. I also mention maybe marriage counseling would be good, she says I need to see someone first for a few sessions before she'll join. So I spend the whole day looking for counseling, and reach out to one via e-mail.
The next week we were on pretty good terms it seemed. She kept staying up late, but I let it slide even though it was difficult. During this time I guess she posted on instagram about having insomnia. Remember, this is someone who is supposed to have narcolepsy.
Her instagram presence grew during this time, posting more often. She told me it was to build a following for her art and modeling dreams. I was as supportive as I could be, but again I'm still concerned about her health.
Finally, I meet her and some friends a happy hour one day. Her friends are talking about some new thing she is starting. I'm clueless and ask what is going on. She tells me and i don't know how to react. She says she has an interview at a modeling agency tomorrow. I ask her what about the chiropractor appointment we have together. She says she won't be going. I tell her we plenty of time to make it, I'll drive if she wants to get ready in the car for her appointment. I'm a little upset she just would schedule this and not cancel her appointment, but am just trying to get her to do both. Finally I give in and say I'll tell the doctor you had something come up.
Later we talk about it and I am still feeling guilty about the first time and tell her I support her and give her a hug. She says it's about time, all her friends and family support her. I ask her what she means. She says at the bar I didn't react favorably. I tell her my side, being the last one to find out about something important like this, was kind of hurtful. We agree we're both mis-communicating.
That weekend (before halloween) we go out with friends to the bars. Me and her have a great time with everyone. The next day she does it again with my sister. 2 nights in a row of staying up late. The next day she is up early because we have a memorial mass for my father. We spend the day at my mom's and have a good time.
Monday I help her get ready for the day ahead. I ask her if she wants to keep her dentist appoint the next day since she has her first day at work and might be hard to do both. She says yes. After I get off work I call her just to check in. She seems annoyed, I guess she was trying to nap and I woke her. I brush it off. We also go to her mom's to celebrate her new job. She starts telling them about it and gets really emotional. We pop champagne and I toast saying "hopefully this new job is really successful." Later Help her pack up her car with props for her job as this new webcam girl model she insists there's no nudity and it's really professional--I give her the benefit of a doubt).
The next day I'm leaving work and go to call her to see how her first day went. When I take out my phone I see she has been trying to reach me. Apparently she was running late to her dentist appoint and didn't know where it was and needed my help. I call her, she answers frustrated and says she's not frustrated at me. Says she's not keeping it. I ask her if she still plans on meeting me at the eye doctor to help me pick out new frames. She says she's too tired and is planning to go out with her friend later so she wants to go home and nap. I tell her if she wants she can go to my mom's and I can meet her there (since it's close). She agrees.
At my mom's I walk in an see her lying on the couch trying to nap. She tells me about her day and I hug her, and listen. I still kind of have my reservations so I'm not acting super excited but not saying anything negative either. She asks me if I can make her soup after a nap. I say sure.
Well my sister comes over and starts talking to her. She starts getting upset with me because I didn't make her soup and asking where her soup was. I ask her if she's ever going to nap. She says no and yells at me to make her soup. I begrudgingly go into the kitchen to start making her soup, feeling neglected and like a servant. I put the bowl in the microwave and sit down at the table to start drawing on a pumpkin with a sharpie. Next thing I know she comes storming into the kitchen pissed and yelling at me about the soup. I'm frustrated and have a knee-jerk reaction of throwing the sharpie at her. She says I hurt her. I immediately apologize and says sorry I didn't mean to hurt you. She says we'll talk about this later, and I stay sternly, "we will". Me standing up for myself isn't working and she is incredibly upset with me now. Watches some show with my sister to take her mind off it.
Finally after some time she goes up to the bathroom upstairs. I knock and ask her if we can talk. She says no she's angry. I say again I'm sorry I threw the marker. She says that I'm physically violent and abusive, and most women would have left me by now.
I go downstairs and ask my mom and sister about what just happened. Was I really that out of line? I mean I know I shouldn't have thrown a marker, but is this reaction normal? They are both really surprised by her actions both before and after the marker, and my sister says she'll talk to her.
I'm talking to my mom when she comes down, and she asks me not to talk to me mom about it. Says we can work it out in counseling and is hopeful we can. I say ok. Later I go in an tell her from my heart, I would never intentionally hurt you. She says she's not so sure. Also I'm like this black cloud raining on her parade with her new job and modeling. I tell her I do support her, but I am honest with her and tell her I just have some valid reservations. We leave it at that and have a good rest of the night. We go home, make up, and make love (her idea). I think things are improving between us.
The next day she goes to her job, then meets a friend I've never seen before at the bars after work. Ends up closing down the bars, comes home at like 3 am. Stays up later to draw.
The next day she's out again, goes out with friends from work to try to get to know them. Same thing. Gets in late. Again stays up late drawing. Aside from worrying about her at night, I'm beginning to get a complex she doesn't like me. Finally I tell her please just let me know when you're coming home and get home so I don't worry. She agrees.
She's also working a LOT at her job at this point in time. She's excited by how much money she is making and spends a ton of time at the job. Burning the candle on both ends. She tells me know guy offered to pay her lots of money for her to watch him masturbate but said she'd have to ask her husband. I tell her I don't know how I feel about that.
After this goes on for 4 days I tell her I miss her. She says I always say that when she's doing art. But literally the only time I've seen her was when I was getting up for work and she was going to bed. She finally says Sunday will be a good day for us. Well Saturday night she comes home wasted. Hungover on Sunday and sleeps in. I help her recover and give her some remedies. We drive out to pick up her car she left at the bar and walk around the city some. We go to the CBD bar she was talking about and wanted to show me. She buys some gifts for her friends there and CBD oil for herself to help her draw art and I guess to sleep as well (as I will later find out by looking at her instagram--she was having mania and difficulty sleeping). We spend a few hours together but really it's dominated by her being on her phone on instagram. Finally we go grocery shopping because we haven't been to the store in weeks. Then she decides she's going to go in to work. I tell her I understand wanting to strike while the iron is hot, and the first week is her being promoted. Besides I knew Monday was going to be a big day for us. I just didn't know at the time in what way.
Monday was a day we had been looking forward to for months. I splurged and bought expensive seats for Bob Dylan. Also, as a surprised, I upgraded them even further to 2nd row. I was excited to tell her about it that night. We had plans to meet at 4 at the house so we'd have plenty of time. I reminded her more than once about the timing and she said she wouldn't miss it and was excited.
She doesn't come home until 3-4 in the morning Sunday night, and again stays up all night doing art work or something. Finally she comes to bed around 6 or 7? I'm pretty tired and worried from what's going on so I'm sleeping in late to try and catch up--I just sleep so much better when she's safe next to me--so I'm getting some good Z's in. I wake up at 9, she's not in bed. She was up talking to someone on instagram and says she's going to be doing a music video with a local rap artist who is going to be flying his private jet to meet with her and tutor her. I'm not sure how to react. She's also been talking differently, using terms I'm not sure where she picked them up from, but lying in bed she was speaking to me in rhymes and couldn't just talk normal. Said I was disrespecting her for not understanding. She went on about how she is a "mom" and needs to lift up women to be "queens" and is on this mission. Then says she needs to help comfort her "mom" (the supervisor at the agency) who just had her boyfriend leave her.
She knows I want to leave around 4 so we have plenty of time to hang out before the concert and have a nice day together. It’s 5 and she’s still not back. She hasn’t even made it to the agency yet because she was getting her nails done first. Finally she gets home a little after 6. In the mean time I was trying to make the best of it and started making a nice steak dinner. I have the music on, candles lit, all the food is ready when she walks in the door and I’m mixing drinks. Perfect setting. She is so happy to see what I’ve done and walks into the kitchen giving me a big and long kiss. Then proceeds to apologize for being late, saying that her nail artist was treating it like a ceremony. I’m still preparing things and admittedly only half listening, and let out a chuckle to let her know I’m laughing it off. Her expression immediately changes. She asks why I’m laughing at her. I say I’m not. She asks why I’m laughing. I say I’m laughing at the stylist for being so particular. This upsets her and she runs into the bathroom, saying “She was beautiful. She was Christ. You laughed at Christ.”
I don’t know what just happened, and am trying to piece it together. I ask her if she’s going to come out as the food is getting cold. Finally she shows up. I ask if she’s ok, and I’m sorry if I said anything to upset her. She goes on about how I keep hurting her. I’m trying to understand, and I glean that they were doing some sort of prayer (I guess this is when that recent mass shooting happened), grieving together. I tell her I thought you meant she was just being really particular. She continues being upset and raising her voice. I calmly ask her not to raise her voice at me. She tells me she will “not be silenced” and starts screaming at me. Honestly I don’t remember the next things she’s screaming, louder than she ever has before, all I remember is apologizing and saying I don’t understand, but am trying to. She tells me she can’t go to the concert with me. I ask her to reconsider. She still says no, I should just go with someone else or give her the tickets. I finally let her take them, since it was her birthday gift.
I’m an emotional wreck at this point, shaking because I don’t know what happened. I promised her I wouldn’t bring our family into our problems, but this was a huge betrayal on her part, an “expensive lesson” as she puts it. More than that, I’m incredibly upset that she would do that to me, over a simple miscommunication. So I call her mom and we talk a little about it. After her calming me down, I try texting my wife again, asking her if we can talk and saying how big a night this was supposed to be. She tells me no and to respect her boundaries. I tell her I do respect her. Was looking forward to this night for months and I don’t even know why she’s doing this and she’s not giving me a chance. Then tell her how much I love her and care about her no matter what and I would never hurt her intentionally and wish I knew what she wanted from me.
She was planning to spend the night on the couch at the modeling place, but I tell her no, please be safe and sleep at the apartment. I’ll leave for the night. I finally just ask her to let me know when she is safe at home.
The next events I find out from instagram. Apparently she is at the concert with one of her friends I don’t know. She was warned by security for something and ended up leaving the concert. She thinks the security guard was out of line.
The next morning I wake up to her texting me that she’s at the airport heading to Oakland Ca for a photo shoot.
I’m shocked, ask her who and where. I only get the name of the company. I look them up and they’re not based out of Oakland. She says she is legit, I’m not respecting her boundaries, and I need to let her FLY (as in become this superstar model she wants to be). I tell her it’s not respectful to go places and not tell anyone any details so they worry about her. It’s not just me either, she’s not really telling anyone much of anything her mom included. My sister who she’s really close with. Everyone.
I found out, again via instagram, she only got 1 hour of sleep that night. Apparently she met someone at the concert who was a photographer and they wanted her to come out to Oakland. She has a video of her looking spaced out, driving to the airport on her instagram. Saying how she is going to “shine like a diamond” etc..
I’m freaking out and talk about it with my family and hers. Everyone is worried about her. Before this I had suspected that the new medication might be to blame for her staying up all night and causing this behavior, and I look further into that theory. I call her doctors and let them know what’s going on. They agree it’s incredibly odd behavior and doesn’t match her narcolepsy diagnosis at all. If anything, it might have been some underlying undiagnosed condition, and the medication just exacerbated it or brought it to the fore front.
My sister makes the mistake of texting the girl she was at the concert with, asking if my wife might have been on anything. The girl then told my wife about it, who feels betrayed by my sister. Calls her a Judas. Then immediately texts me, telling me it’s over, she doesn’t like the manipulator I’ve become, to pack my things and leave the apartment and get divorce papers.
I also reached out to her counselor friend and ask to talk. Figuring she's a counselor and familiar with these diseases, she might be able to offer more insight. I tell her what's going on and she says she doesn't think my wife has been acting weird. Says something about standing my ground and not pushing ally one way or another. Also I should probably take half the money out of the bank account. This is something the doctor's and her parents suggested as well. I thank her and ask her to keep the conversation confident.
I get the login information to her bank account and start monitoring it. I also check her gmail the next day just to keep tabs on her and see where she might be staying. I'm genuinely worried.
Well somehow she finds out I was monitoring the bank account and her gmail. Calls her mom furious at me. Her mom says "it's scary". Our counselor friend told me I have a right to the apartment, but I'm honestly scared to go back there. In the mean time I've also been reaching out to the marriage counselor for advice. My head is spinning and I look online for help, and find out about a bipolar support group. I go there and tell my self, and they all seem to agree it's bipolar. One girl says the drinking just makes it worse. The next day our counselor friend says she her from my wife and she seems fine. I tell her that I went to a bipolar group and they all seem to think it's bipolar, and that I called the crisis network for advice and they said they could send a mobile team out, but I didn't know what to do and don't want to do the wrong thing. I tell her I'm going to meet with another counselor friend (they both went to school together with my wife), and ask if she can join. She doesn't get back to me til later.
The next day I decide it's best I give my wife space and honor her boundaries. I write her a nice letter and draw her a picture (how she shows affection for others), leave her a voicemail saying I'm giving her space and respecting her boundaries and going to spend some time at my mom's. She actually responds positively telling me what's going on and that she'll be at a modeling show on Friday for her birthday and hopes to see me saturday for her birthday party. Meanwhile on instragram she's saying how she's moving to california. Tells her mom as much.
I'm spending the day with the other counselor friend just telling him what's going on, but feeling hopeful that maybe I can at least get her to talk to me in person on saturday. Well in the mean time the first counselor friend I reached out to and asked to keep our conversations confident, went ahead and talked to my wife for about an hour. Next thing I know my wife is posting on instagram about how I'm verbally, physically, and mentally abusive. How I turned her family against her and convinced them she has bipolar, is on drugs, and is going to have her committed at her 30th birthday party.
Completely undermining even the little bit of progress I made with my wife. I text our counselor friend asking what she said and call her out. It wasn't even true, she lied to my wife. Then she told my wife I saw the post and mentioned the crisis center (I'm not supposed to be seeing any of these posts because I've been blocked, yet her profile is public). Worst counselor ever. Feel completely betrayed, and the other counselor friend I'm with is shocked by what she did.
Find out she's going to be coming home friday and spending the night at her mom's after the fashion show. I make myself scared at the apartment, rewrite the letter to just state facts and to show her I love her and am committed to her and to remember us for who we were. That I'm willing to be by her side through her dreams and won't hold her back. That I set up an appointment with a counselor and hope she can join for an upcoming session when she's ready. Most of all I tell her how much I love her, and how I've proven my love time and again over our marriage with examples and I'll prove it again.
The next day, when she got into the airport, she blamed me for moving her car and making her search for it in the cold. I know this because she called me a monster on Instagram and made a video about it. Her mom tries to tell her that doesn't make sense. She never stops by the apartment for the letter
Later that day she can't get into her bank account because her PIN has been changed. She blames me for changing it, even though I don't have access myself to the account. I think she may have changed it when she found out I was monitoring it and forgot. Whatever the case, I got the blame, and she makes another instagram post about how she was going to pay me for her right but isn't now because I tried to steal from her. How I'm the worst kind of person imaginable, a monster, and if I have any shred of humanity left I'll get divorce papers and mail them to her. She decides she's going back to california that night (she has no friends or family out there, other than strangers she may have just met).
I saw this morning she was at the airport with 3 guys, on her way back to california. I still haven't reached out to her since my voicemail. I tried analyzing what's been going on. On the one hand I do believe it really might be bipolar, on the other hand it could just be paranoia and other things caused by lack of sleep. There is also some truth in there that we were having some issues, mostly miscommunications, because so many big changes were being made by her and we never had time to sit down and discuss it--but nothing that couldn't have been fixed.
At this point, the wife I knew seems to be gone. I don't know if she'll ever return or what that will entail. Her mom said she went through a similar episode when younger, before she met me, but that they chalked it up to adolescence. My wife told me, and her mom, on separate occasions, this is who she really is, and she was just suppressing it the last 7+ years. It's odd because she seemed really happy with me, so I don't know if I fully believe that. Whatever the case, this new person in my wife's body is not who I married. I'm feeling grief over her loss.
I honestly don't know where to go from here. All her stuff is back here. She left her friends, family, everything behind.
I've thought about downloading some of the videos she posted as evidence, in case this does come to trial. I'm not sure what I'm trying to prove, whether she's mentally ill or what. But at the very least if her accusations of abuse come against me, I might be able to defend myself by showing she was no operating on much sleep and was having paranoia.
Optimistically, maybe it is something that can pass and she may be rational again. She eventually returned to speaking with her mother before in the past. Of course her mom is family. So I don't know if I should hold hope that she'll do the same for me--even though I loved her more than anyone. Still do.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I'm so sorry you are here, this sounds really scary. I don't know if a psychiatric diagnosis can be made until she's off the Nuvigil. Psychosis is listed as a possible side effect.
This could be: 1) Direct drug reaction to Nuvigil 2) Triggering of bipolar mania by the Nuvigil (provigil has some antidepressant effects in bipolar depression, and anything that treats bipolar depression risks triggering mania). 3) She could have some other physiological cause of psychosis (hyperthyroidism comes to mind).
Prior to the events of the last couple years, did she have any symptoms suspicious for bipolar disorder? Depressive episodes, hypomania ( people who are hypomanic can appear just very energetic and effective).
Is there a family history of thyroid disease or other autoimmune diseases? Family history of bipolar or schizophrenia?
Did she have any history of recreational drug use/abuse?
Unfortunately, you don't have a lot of power in this situation, especially since it has been couched in terms of her "following her dream". (Be prepared, also, for the possibility that some of her staying up all night was to carry on an affair online or otherwise).
My advice: Make sure her doctors understand that this behavior coincided with taking the narcolepsy drugs and that they are not refilling them. (She can probably still get them elsewhere but there's a chance that if she goes a few days without she might calm down).
Protect yourself financially - NOW. Close or take her off any joint accounts, credit cards etc. put your half of money away in an acciount that's only in your name. Consult an attorney on how best to protect yourself financially.
Also find out your options in terms of getting her admitted on a psych hold if she escalates. It's not easy and unfortunately it's nearly impossible to get even a three day hold, which may not be nearly long enough to initiate treatment, but it's an option you and her family should familiarize yourselves with now in case it becomes necessary.
The hardest part is that you may not have any control in this situation. As long as she sees you as the enemy, it may fall on her family to get her help when the time comes. Still, consult with a lawyer about what might be needed to get a conservatorship over her (she'd probably have to get a lot worse first).
Take care of yourself in the meantime. Stay in the apartment if you can since she's traveling anyway. Spend time with friends. Exercise. Eat healthy. Pay attention at your job. YOU need to be whole and intact if she comes down from this mania.
Thanks for much for the support. It seems she is finally starting to recognize she is not in her right mind, based on recent posts to her instagram. She thinks she's having trauma from me being abusive--that's how she's explaining it. She also self admitted she had mania on her instagram prior to this week. So there is definitely some sort of psychosis or paranoid delusion going on.
I also found out through my sister that she is with someone, but she says he's just a friend to her, there to support her in this time. She also posted something about being engaged on facebook and worried about her future, family, potential baby, etc.. (that last one was very disturbing to read); however i know she just had her period before any of this happened, and honestly we were both looking forward to couples counseling less than 2 weeks ago and optimistic about fixing any squabbles we've had. There's no way she's in her right mind. I just pray that the damage being done right now is not irreversible.
Steps I've taken so far are I've reached out to 2 law firms, might reach out to a 3rd. They are all closed on the weekend, but I want to get their advice on protecting our assets. I am not giving up hope yet that she will return, bc she's obviously going through something. She posted about needing her mom last night but hating me because I poisoned her mom's mind. Her mom is going to try to reach out to her again today.
I'm going to see a counselor Wednesday, but might try to reach out to a counselor specializing in Bipolar disorder since that might be more applicable to the situation.
Some answers to your questions, she is off the Nuvigil, but might still have some provigil left. I did reach out to her doctor and he is cutting her off. Thankfully it's a controlled medication so it's not easy to get.
Her aunt does have some sort of mental illness but it has never been formally diagnosed. All I remember is she was being obsessive working 18+ hours a day at her job, and had to be asked to either go to the clinic, or have an ambulance take her there.
She still wants to be friends with my sister and is planning to come back for the 20th to go to a lady gaga concert with her. So that's encouraging that at least she'll be back in town.
I'm new here as well and may not have a lot of advice, but what you've been through recently is awful. You must be traumatized and totally lost. For your wife to change suddenly like that, and turn against you, and keep leaving and attacking you, etc.. is a total mystery.
It sounds like you've done the right things a loving husband would do. Perhaps if you threw a marker or a cup out of frustration it would be a little uncomfortable for your wife, but that's not abuse.
These situations when the other person blames everything on you are hard because they make you question yourself and your own sanity. It sounds like you've talked with enough family members and counselors that someone would have been honest with you and told you if they thought you were the cause, but you don't mention that happening. Therefore we assume that you've been doing the right things and your wife is simply out-of-control for some unknown reason.
There is a slight sense of familiarity between your story and my own. My husband was the best guy in the world before we married and for the first few years after we got married. Then he got admitted into an academic program and we moved to the city where that program took place. Suddenly, one day, he was staying out until 4 AM, not telling me where he was, and coming home shouting at me that he doesn't care what I think and he'll do whatever he wants. I was in utter shock. I couldn't even process how my amazing husband could do something like that. One day, a few weeks later after continuing that behavior, he came home and apologized for everything and said he loved me and wouldn't do that again. Then as fast as he changed, he was back to normal. I did find out there was a woman involved and some kind of affair that must have been driving his behavior but either he or she must have ended it.
Later on, after a long period of stability and in a totally different city, suddenly my husband was very depressed, stopped talking to me, and started going to the gym everyday for hours. He neglected his training program, neglected our daughter and I, and just totally changed. He started mixing all kinds of chemical cocktails before the gym such as caffeine "explosive energy" mixtures to lift more weights, protein shakes, and other body building drinks. His diet totally changed, he dropped a lot of weight suddenly, and he was experiencing some kind of euphoria. Whenever I questioned it he attacked me. Again later I find out there was another affair with another woman.
In any case, I say these things just to sympathize with you. How can someone you love and trust change just like that? And how can you buy tickets for a concert, make a special dinner, and have your wife attack you like that and leave you home while she goes with someone else? Then flies to California the next morning? It's bizarre.
In my case my husband has never been the same and has since left. He seems depressed around me, but totally normal around his family and friends. He saw a psychologist two times and I saw the same psychologist separately. I asked the psychologist if it appeared my husband had a mental illness and the psychologist said no, he didn't detect anything although he couldn't be sure.
It's really hard to know if your wife is mentally ill or if she's having an affair (or affairs) that are driving this behavior. I don't know much about mental illness but the way she's not sleeping and working so hard on her art, and acting erratically, sounds like a mental illness. Bipolar disorder could be one possibility but there's also dissociative personality disorder which almost sounds like a match based on what you're saying.
My general sense is that the best you can do is ask her family (mom and sister) to intervene and also ask her friends to check on her frequently. It doesn't sound like there's much you can do if she asked for a divorce and is posting bad things about you on instagram. It seems any further effort on your part will send her closer to the brink.
If you haven't read the Divorce Busters book that serves as the basis for this forum you'll probably want to buy and read it. It sounds like you don't want to get divorced so it's a good book for you. The sections on mid-life crisis and affairs may be applicable in your situation and offer guidance on detaching, riding out the bad spell in your spouse's life, and things you can do to help yourself.
I'd like to follow your situation and hope you'll post updates frequently because I'm personally interested in seeing what happens with your wife. Since my husband exhibited similar behaviors and also left my situation is not entirely different than yours. Perhaps I'll post more about that on the thread regarding my situation.
In any case, there's still hope your wife will return to normal if she's mentally ill and gets effective treatment. There's still hope for your marriage, I assume, if you find yourself able to proceed knowing this could happen again if her illness 'flares up.' Or, if she's having an affair it may end and she'll be back when it's over. So there's hope, but things will surely never be the same and you have the right to mourn the end of the first part of your marriage where you thought you knew who you married.
Hopefully you'll take care of your own health and keep reaching out to everyone who's been supporting you to make it through this. Your wife is really lucky to have someone who cares so much about her. We can only hope she'll realize what she might lose and return home soon.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Hi everyone, thanks so much for the helpful responses. Just wanted to update:
Upon discussing matters with her relative, who works in mental healthcare, she recognized something was seriously wrong and that we needed to have her hospitalized. Her doctors said the same. We got her to fly back into town on other pretenses, and unfortunately had to forcibly commit her.
The doctors at the hospital did diagnose her with acute/severe mania, and bipolar. She's been on medication for 2 weeks and started lithium last week to bring her down to earth.
She claims she's being released today, although I'm not sure whether this is true or not. She says she had a hearing with a judge and the psychiatrist advocated for her release. However it was my understanding they wouldn't have a hearing unless they wanted to keep her longer. Plus nobody has been in contact with any of the family, so this is all coming from her, and she is still having many delusions. I guess I'll find out here shortly.
In regard to her demeanor, there's been some improvement. She recognizes that this has only been going on since October, actually only for as little as a week if she's to be believed (since she says it only started when she took her new job on Oct 31). However she's still distorting a lot of past, and after reading some of the guides here, it seems that may not 100% be a result of the mania--although I do believe that the mania was a huge contributor.
I'm contemplating what to do upon her release. For now I'm leaning toward just doing nothing. She is planning to continue working at her "modeling" agency, and hopefully she'll get the wake up call that she's not making $6k/week like she thinks she is. The only thing I'm stuck on is that I mailed her debit card out to the guy in California so her can return some of her stuff, and I also have her only credit card. So of course she's going to want those things back. I've thought about just not responding to her if she asks for them.
Also was wondering do I pay off her balance with what's left in her bank account, then go dark? I feel like it would expedite her wake up call that she is not in such a great place after all and her finances and job are not what she believes it is--since she'll have to resort to her actual money in the bank (of which there's little left). It would also slow her down from flying back to California and help in recovering from the damage she's already done financially. Of course should could always apply for a new card, so at best it would just slow her down. Maybe I do nothing?
Hi, have you gotten any legal advice about protecting yourself financially?
I have not. While she was in the hospital I was hesitant to take any action on that front. I'm not sure what she might possibly be able to do now, since my name is not on her credit card or bank account. My only worry is if we get back together I'll have to help undo any financial damage like that.
