"I am sorry that you felt sad and alone and it led to your depression. I am sorry that my actions contributed towards that. My depression had nothing to do with you and my love for you."
I dont know that I would go that far . Only you know your sitch and your W so do what you think is best!
I assume she knows everything about your life and personal struggles. Does she know how deeply it effected your life? Could you validate her and talk about how after taking a step back you realize how it impacted your every daily living and those around you including you and the kids?
okay I just did that. Not sure if she'll come back with anything but I'll see. Thanks J for being there waiting for my updates patiently.
It just sounds like she's done and doesn't see a way back. I am feeling helpless in that sense. I have no idea if she's seeing anyone either so this makes it harder to gauge what to do.
Feels like this convo was an emotional setback for me. I'll just have to sleep it off and wake up and be my strong self again.
No worries M. My W hasn't changed her mind either so try not to let it bother you. As you know things can change and so can your W. Just continue to work on finding your internal happiness. Also remember this one conversation is not making or breaking your chances at recon in the future. At minimum maybe she helped give you some focus areas for your continued personal development. That is if you agree with her assessment and know it is something you need to change.
I think a major message, which I've been getting from her for a while now in subtle ways, is that she is unable to make me happy. That there is something about her that won't make me happy. Now there are a couple of things I'd want differently in a future R, if it was with her, but she's mentioned that she never felt that she was a 'safe' person for me to talk to and share things with her.
And that she is lacking in a partner that I'd want. Now I have no way of proving to her that I love her for who she is, but we need to work on a few things.
Again, as you said, who knows that the future holds, but I have to just move forward with myself and see what's there for me.
I can't help her see her own value and worth for me and she needs to work on her depression and anger. She needs to understand that she doesn't have to 'create' happiness for me and that I have to do that myself. she can be one of the sources of my happiness but not the entirety of it. And that I can't be that for her either.
So, long journey ahead and I don't know if she's doing anything to help herself in this regard. I just know that I can't convince her of her worth or that I'd want her in my life and that I am willing to work with her. She's pretty much done as it stands and I have to just accept that again and move forward.
Her assessment about me being depressed was true and I am working on that and have come out of it, but she sees herself as part of that problem, which wasn't the case at all. Now I can't convince her of that so I just have to move along in my life and create my happiness. Part of me right now just wants to go out and be a player lol, but I know that ain't the solution to my problems.
W has so much anger still (she admitted it in a conversation a few days ago) and has to deal with her depression, that it reminds me of how this is a marathon and not a sprint.
I just got such a strong urge for my own goals and how I have to just double down on them even more so that I can get past all of this $hit and get to my own place of serenity and happiness.
Her timeline is not my timeline and if she doesn't ever deal with her stuff, I cannot go back into a MR that was the same. So, back to Maika doing his own thang and getting in groovy shape and mental strength.
This just made me realize that I can't have any more of these types of convos with W. Emotional setback tonight, but tomorrow I am pumping some iron and getting back on the horse.
I will start a new thread tomorrow Cadet.... I know you be coming knocking on my door soon
Thanks J for tonight and for everything. I am a bit bummed but will pick it up tomorrow.
. Only you know your sitch and your W so do what you think is best!