Your w is in danger and you want to rescue her but she fired you from that job. Let her parents try and do that now.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Tough story man, real tough. I don't raise an eyebrow to much, but that part about lunging at you and biting through your hoodie brought both eyebrows up, jaw down, and a "WTF" through my mental dialog. Needless to say, I feel for you man. I agree with this entirely:
Originally Posted By: Maika
A new place is very good for your mental sanity, getting on with life, focusing on yourself, and practicing detachment. I can tell you just from my experience that moving out to my own place was a game changer. It was as if a huge emotional burden was lifted off my shoulders. I am slowly making this place my own and for my kids. Focus on that.
Once I got my own place, it changed my game too. A great point from Maika. I will entrust the same for you. I really think that overall, you are making some solid moves, either by instinct or from having read the two MW books, perhaps that C you mentioned? But on this...
Originally Posted By: LiamJ
To remove 17 years of love is gonna take a while...
Don't try to remove it my man. It will take a while no matter what, but let that run a natural course. IMO, trying to remove love is kind of an act of love on its own - what would be your metrics for that anyway? Trying not to think about her is thinking about her, trying not to look at her picture leads to putting pictures in a box for some hopeful day, trying to remove your love for her is trying not to remember you loved her - sounds like a zero sum game. Its my take, but let it ride as it will. It hurts all the time until it doesn't, and in the end you may decide either you still love her even if it all seems so unfortunate, or you lost some/all love for her and it all seems so unfortunate, but in the meantime...
Originally Posted By: LiamJ
...I’m going to take my time and find ‘me’ again.
F'k yeah man. Do that. Do that all the time, every day, all day.
Peace for you and your kids tonight my man.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
Not yet, I've had to re write it. I intended to finish it yesterday when I went round the house to get my other car started and back on the road as my other car just went kaput. I had arranged for no one to be in, but when I got there my bro in law was there. I said she asked you to stay in case I plant another bug in the house didn't she (that's how I found out about the whole thing, still lived there though). He said "she didn't", anyhow he explained that the om had insisted he stay, he said he didn't feel comfortable doing that, later my bro in law said that if YOU want me to do this to my w he would, she said no don't worry about it, the om later called her and she changed her mind. Should point out it's still my house and as I've stated I'm still in the middle of moving out, anyway we had a laugh about it all and he said it's your house man, do what you want and he feels like an idiot.
Your w is in danger and you want to rescue her but she fired you from that job. Let her parents try and do that now.
This is how I'm feeling about it. I was just saying it to my Mum last night on the phone, I'm really ready to begin going in a different direction now. The letter and the chat to my in laws this weekend is that last I can do. If he shows any untoward behaviour to my kids then I'll take legal action and bring them to me.
Thanks for your comments. Yep finding myself will help me move forward, having the new place is great, my kids are so peaceful and relaxed here away from all that madness.
The moment after she bit me she started banging her head off the steering wheel screaming "I'm not having an affair"! The whole year makes so much sense now, all the behaviour. But time to move past all that.
I'm really ready to begin going in a different direction now. The letter and the chat to my in laws this weekend is that last I can do.
Liam -
I feel for you. I know this situation is pretty bad.
My advice is to stop involving yourself with the inlaws so heavily. There is no reason you should know the details of her interactions with them or their detailed feelings. Let it go for now and focus on whats important. Speaking of which, PLEASE DONT send that letter. You say that the contents include "my opinion on her actions and how it will effect our kids and her own future." I am certain that she does not care about your opinion one little bit.
I get that you feel like you need to do 'something'.
Remember that choosing to do nothing IS doing something. And often times, it is an incredibly STRONG action.
Yeah it's pretty bad. Maybe you're right, perhaps a letter is the wrong thing to do, I'll keep a hold of it for now and just sit and see what happens. I'm getting some legals drawn up next week in a seperation agreement until the divorce is done. I feel I need to protect myself. My in laws told me it seems like he's dictating her actions towards me, well I already knew that but just confirms it. I'm going to tell my inlaws tomorrow that there is nothing more I can do, and if I were then maybe just try and keep some sort of relationship with their daughter.
I'm going to tell my inlaws tomorrow that there is nothing more I can do, and if I were then maybe just try and keep some sort of relationship with their daughter.
Why are you telling them anything?
Your relationship with their daughter is, frankly, none of their business.
If you see them, then be happy and upbeat, but focus on you or them or your kids or whatever. Heres the thing. EVEN IF THEY ARE ON YOUR SIDE, it doesnt matter. It will only drive a wedge between them and her. It will NOT bring her closer to you.
Well my father in law is like a dad to me as I don't have one, we're pretty close. Anyhow he came round and I didn't really say too much, he said she said it was all my fault etc. I said well anything to justify what she's done. I told him I'm done, I just want space and to move on with my life, I said I'll stay out of her way and cause no trouble, and to ask can they not rub it in my face. It's a small village and difficult to avoid each other but right now it's all about the kids.
