Thank you 25! I too have had some realizations. 1. I'm allowing myself to be used and manipulated to serve her needs 2. I'm allowing her to eat a truckload of cake 3. She's figured out which buttons to push to silence me. All her " if you, I will" bulls£€t 4. I would never allow anyone else to manipulate me like this so why let her 5. Nothing she said or says it truthful, it just suits the moment. 6. Time to let go and press on in life. I've wasted so much time and energy and paid too high a price to keep being a door mat and a welfare office 7. In due time she will either come to realize what she stands to lose or won't. Either way life must go on. I will not keep it on hold for her
And 8, I have flaws like everyone else. I recognize them. They don't define me. I don't deserve treatment like she keeps dishing. There is more to the menu than s^¥t sandwiches. I want a steak....
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
Thank you 25! I too have had some realizations. 1. I'm allowing myself to be used and manipulated to serve her needs 2. I'm allowing her to eat a truckload of cake 3. She's figured out which buttons to push to silence me. All her " if you, I will" bulls£€t 4. I would never allow anyone else to manipulate me like this so why let her 5. Nothing she said or says it truthful, it just suits the moment. 6. Time to let go and press on in life. I've wasted so much time and energy and paid too high a price to keep being a door mat and a welfare office 7. In due time she will either come to realize what she stands to lose or won't. Either way life must go on. I will not keep it on hold for her
And 8, I have flaws like everyone else. I recognize them. They don't define me. I don't deserve treatment like she keeps dishing. There is more to the menu than s^¥t sandwiches. I want a steak....
By George I think you got it! Now time to take massive action to have the life you want for you and your children!
1. I'm allowing myself to be used and manipulated to serve her needs 2. I'm allowing her to eat a truckload of cake 3. She's figured out which buttons to push to silence me. All her " if you, I will" bulls£€t 4. I would never allow anyone else to manipulate me like this so why let her 5. Nothing she said or says it truthful, it just suits the moment. 6. Time to let go and press on in life. I've wasted so much time and energy and paid too high a price to keep being a door mat and a welfare office 7. In due time she will either come to realize what she stands to lose or won't. Either way life must go on. I will not keep it on hold for her
And 8, I have flaws like everyone else. I recognize them. They don't define me. I don't deserve treatment like she keeps dishing. There is more to the menu than s^¥t sandwiches. I want a steak....
Good! Now focus on this list, instead of worrying if your W is talking script or bipolar.
LBH's wonder if it's hormonal, mental depression, or whatever. They are trying to figure out what happened to the woman they M. Surely, there is a solid, logical reason that has caused her to start acting like a freakin alien. Right? Truth is that many WW's do have these issues that add to their complexity. Unless the court gives you the authority to forcibly take her to a doctor, what can you do about what ails her? I don't mean to sound cold, b\c I suffered with hormonal imbalance and depression, but it did not "cause" my waywardness. Yes, I felt dead inside (even said so), and didn't feel I could recover (but did), and I had such a desperation to escape from my reality and find a source of happiness.
In other words, all waywards have inner issues. For some, it may require help by treating her physical or mental problems with medication or therapy. For others, it may take spiritual guidance to help them see the truth and do the right thing. Although waywards have very similar traits, they are still individuals and come from various backgrounds. I would not go so far as to say every WW is depressed and or hormonal. There are some, apparently, that either lose their moral compass....or never had one. I could go on & on about this, but my point is that you need to focus on you the things you can change. You can't fix what's inside her. You can influence, by working on those things in your list.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
For me, I felt as if life had slowly left me, but I was having to drag around my lifeless body......kind of like a zombie. It was the lack of feeling any positive emotions for my H. I had no motivation or energy left in our MR. I felt completely drained of any sexual desire. I felt no attraction, no chemistry, nothing drawing me toward him. I had lost all interest in doing things with him, going anywhere with him, etc. I stopped putting effort into showing any love language. I stopped spending time watching TV with him at night. We had not slept together in a long time, so we had no intimacy. My love tank had definitely been drained for a long time. I felt as if a void had consumed my entire being and I could not feel any happiness.
I often compare it to a flower that has been neglected of water and sunlight. You feel like you are dying a slow death. The "numbness" robs you of hope, so you see this being the state you'll be in for the rest of your life. Quite depressing!
So.......it can leave you vulnerable. Some guy says something that makes you feel really special, and it's very tempting to go back for more. When you are empty for a long time and suddenly have a twinge of feeling alive for a few minutes....you want to grab hold as if that was a lifesaver.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Did you ever try to explain this to your H the way your telling us? I am sure my ow W felt the same way. But yet she chose to tell everyone except the one person who could help fix the issue. So yes I feel very guilty and Don't want to give up on the MR. But yet I am pissed, because she didn't share vital information with me.And I ask myself do I really want a spouse like this?
Did you ever try to explain this to your H the way your telling us? I am sure my ow W felt the same way. But yet she chose to tell everyone except the one person who could help fix the issue.
Do you mean "you"? Because you can't fix her. That's one thing we men almost all do wrong in our marriages, we think we're just there to fix stuff. Women don't want us to "fix" them, they want us to listen and validate. The fact that you think you can fix her is probably why she never wants to share private thoughts and feelings with you. She talks to others to get the empathy she feels like she doesn't get from you.
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So yes I feel very guilty and Don't want to give up on the MR. But yet I am pissed, because she didn't share vital information with me.And I ask myself do I really want a spouse like this?
If you don't change your thinking on this then every relationship you have is doomed to repeat this pattern. Rather than get angry about it, ask yourself -why- she didn't want to share that information with you. What were you doing in the M that made her uncomfortable sharing that. Read Men are from Mars, Women from Venus. It's an older book but it really delves into the differences in how men and women think and how we can change and adapt to be better listeners.
By "you", I mean did she share these issues with her H about himself. Because I know that my W has some grievances with me that I just didn't have a clue about. So the fixing I am talking about is with myself and not with her. As for sharing vital information. My W talked to other men and friends about what was bothering her. But never shared with the one person who really needed that information.
And I was just having this discussion with some male and female friends. This happens a lot with the lack of sharing information. My W biggest issue was how she thought I would react. Now I could understand if I did things that would make her think I would react a certain way. But she couldn't give an example on any behavior from me that would make her think that way. Its as if she created all this out of some fantasy. Which I think may have just been an excuse for the A.
Communication is the biggest reason for the downfall of my MR. I actually bought the book a few months back and need to get around to reading it. But from what I learned from the discussion the other day is that women just want us to figure it out. And don't even know why they feel that way. But will not hesitate to give all that information to a man who is not their spouse who will use that information to give the W what she wants. Then she treats him like some God. But it goes over the WW head that he basically gave her what she actually told him.
