Just said it so that it'll show my case is less hopeful. Better to not think about it at all from now on. Thanks for your support Expect the worst, hope for the best I guess.
Tomorrow fishing trip again. Waiting for it. We bought a few bottles of whiskey. Man I love doing really hard work and then relaxing with a beer/whiskey.
My handstand pushups (with support) have progressed again. Now I started to practise handstand balance. Goal is to be able to walk with hands next summer. Yesss. Really like how my veins are now much more visible. These are definite confidence boosts!
It seems that the WAS loses all the sense of humor towards the LBS. Oh well. Oh and someone please give some cologne suggestions thanks Need to update again.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
Thanks for the suggestion but I already own it I'm leaning to YSL La nuit De l'homme or A*men pure Havane mugler
One thing I always resented in my XW is her insecurity. I stopped complimenting her because if I told her "omg you're sexy", she would say "stop it because I'm not", and really seriously not jokingly. It's hard to keep complimenting someone who thinks you're just doing it for making them feel good instead of truly meaning it which I always did. I know this is an issue from my side too.
Also, I really loved when she had the messy hair look, i.e. how the hair is after sex. Told her this, and for some reason she now has it almost every time she comes to pick up the kids. I know she's seen OM so it really hurts how now it's ok to have it like that but never with me. Also, why do women start to dress very unsexy in long Ms? Then say their Hs are really boring in the bedroom and sometimes justify an A with that. We are visually stimulated, why not put the sexy lingerie for us but just for the AP? When I was still living under the same roof I saw her buying things I wished she would have had with me. But each time she said something like "yeah so I don't look sexy naked?" Like wtf. Those things are there for teasing and foreplay lol. I wouldn't have sex with you if I didn't find you attractive naked.
Sorry about the rambling I'm drunk Man 10c/50f water and sauna feels nice. Made some smoked fish and laughed a lot.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
So XW asked now if I could be with kids at Sunday evening so she could go to her hobby. I'm still here (200km away) at the fishing trip. It's her weekend to have the kids. Am I a DB screwup if I deny or is this the time to say no?
8 hours today at the sea. Lots of pikes but nothing else. Dropped the fishing nets today. Just won 300 eur from an online slot game!
Have a good weekend everyone!
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
This is what I tell people from experience. If you want her to be flexible in the future when you need it, you have to pick and choose when you are going to be rigid or flexible. Is it doable for you without cutting your plans short? If not, I wouldn't because there is no emergency.
I know many say when you "give in" it's cake eating. But in the reality of a long term situation of custody schedules, it's good to be flexible when possible, but not all the time. You might need it back one day. Only you know if she would repay the favor if you needed.
Decided not to cut my plans short and was at home only this morning. I don't think I will give up on my weekends especially if I need to cut my plans really short. I already switched the weekends with her when she asked.
She hasn't sent anything in a while. No pictures either. I guess she understood or just got tired of it. Recon seems really impossible anymore, we are so far away from each other - to the point where I think she doesn't even remember my name anymore 51 days till I am officially divorced. Amazing that I'm already almost half a year from the BD. Time sure flies past. I don't like AS saying that I've only took two small steps from a marathon. I'll give myself a year before I start dating again. I'll work for that and I hope I can feel confident by then.
For some reason I'm waiting for D day to come. Maybe it'll give some real closure I so desire. The mark left by the ring has almost entirely vanished. I know I'm going to be fine.
I had a fun weekend. Didn't think about XW except for at evenings. Detaching is going better and better. Friend asked me to join them to go hiking to north next summer. Totally agreed and really waiting for it already.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
I'm so jealous of others who have no OMs or OWs to deal with. It literally seems impossible to recon unless he dumps her or turns out to be a non-match after all. That could take years. I'm not here for years. I miss my family life and my kids, gladly this feeling is fading as days go by. Having a relationship is one of the basic wants we have - thus why not search for one when I'm ready? One thing I'm going to make sure though - I won't get attached to anyone before I'm 100% sure I would directly say "sorry, no thanks" to my XW if she decided to try to come back. I would never put any girl through what I've read in many "ex wants me back" -stories. When I start to seriously date someone exclusively, I'm going all in.
I feel that this "hoping" and waiting could possibly backfire very hard on me... It certainly does seem to keep me attached. I think a better approach for me would be to just move on and leave everything for destiny, even though I don't believe in that mumbojumbo. I just can't grasp detaching without moving on. Detaching is moving on for me. When I've fully detached to the point where I don't emotionally get any feelings when I hear from her/see her, why would I ever want to go back anymore? That's just ILYB. I still don't completely know if I want her back because of fear or because of love. Life would be easier but would it really be what I want? How can I find the answer for this question?
My T said the blame definitely wasn't 95% on me. She does agree I had some issues but she thinks they were not anything to divorce for, and she wonders why we never tried counselling. She said she's worried XWs hormones are playing a role here. She made me realize that I actually tried to be affectionate but it's hard to continue when you get turned down - eventually it fades away, thus she shifted some of the blame towards XW. Men tend to tolerate "worse" things much longer than women. Then again, I'm taking much of the blame because I could have acted differently and more confident regardless of her turning me down. I now understand that it was a huge hit to my confidence when she said that she doesn't want sex right now as it hurts. I should have understood it's just the physical sex and that it is related to the pregnancy... but that made me feel so bad. Also, each time when I tried to give her together time, she had her phone and social media open. I understand I did this too, but I can now see that it wasn't only me and it was a self-feeding thing (me doing it -> she doing it -> me doing it more -> she doing it more).
I still hope karma would happen, but hopefully that thought dies off. I don't want anything bad for her and I'm going to start to think that she actually started the new R after she BD'd me (and that she didn't believe this would happen). This is what she told to me and I'll believe it. This way it both hurts my ego less and makes me less angry. Hopefully she is going to find whatever she is searching for now and hopefully the guy isn't going to turn out to be a bad role model for my kids.
I laugh much more now. I'm much more confident too. I look people in the eyes, my XW too and I don't feel awkward about it anymore. I really feel now that I'm going to be fine, regardless. It'll take me time to truly change - but i'll work towards getting there. I will give myself time.
D baked me some ginger biscuits for me, they were good. Told her that I'm proud of her. S is so positive. He claps his hands all the time and laughs. It's amazing this boy has my genes, considering how negative I've been. My kids are amazing. I love them from the bottom of my heart.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
Not really anything new when it comes to XW. Our communication has died even more, although I just received a couple of pictures of S again with some "seemingly funny" messages.
A coworker told me she has a friend who has her life in order but "just lacks a man" (apparently she's been single for quite some time). Coworker mentioned that she knows one guy (me) who has just divorced and is "really good looking" (lol). Now her friend would like to go on a date with me. Really uncomfortable as the coworker was pushing it really hard for me (go, what could you even lose? It's not like you need to marry her. Love doesn't watch the time). It definitely feels like an ego boost however, but I don't know if I should go. The girl knows my sitch and says that she's fine with just making a friend out of it, not attaching any future to it... She looks cute however
I know I'm not ready to be anyone's boyfriend. But then I'm weighing it against all these what ifs - that probably just spark from my fear of the future... But then again, if she really knows the situation and is extremely picky about guys (she has been on dates according to coworker so it's not like she's not attractive or anything). What would I lose? It doesn't seem like she would get hurt regardless... Maybe I would get more hurt due to more rejection if I get rebound attached haha. But as far as I know to take it extremely carefully and weight my emotions, I don't think making a friend out of this would be a bad thing. Dunno.
I now know exactly what I want from my next partner. I'm done with being "caged", as I always was with my XW. If there's a good song playing in say a clothing store, I could just randomly make some dance moves - I don't care what others think about it and most of the time the reactions seem more positive than negative. I think our culture needs more extroverted and "in the moment" people. My XW was immediately really embarrassed and always angrily said "stop". I want someone who isn't as strict and formal in everyday life situations. If I don't feel like putting on the best clothes from the closet when I go to shopping, so what?! I'm more of a joker than a stereotypical "handsome" business man. I want to be childish at times when the situation allows it. Who cares what other people think about it?
Another thing: I want to show my love in public too. XW had so many issues with walking by holding hands, kissing in public etc. I just want someone who appreciates me randomly grabbing her in my arms no matter where we are and kissing her neck. That's just how I am. I can now start to understand why my affection died little by little. I want someone who BY THEMSELVES come to me after a long day at work and kiss me, and ask me how my day was. I don't want to go back in the situation where I just get a random "hey" and see her walking away from me. I want someone who appreciates my comments about her sexyness. "If we were alone together, I'd totally take you here right now". I used to say things like this but she never seemed to like it. I know these are not reasons to turn down affection, but it's hard to keep up when you are always getting rejected. I know she tried to give me kisses too but I guess our timings were different. We both probably tried to do it when the other one was feeling stress (i.e. me after my workday -> me relaxing and her being with kids+cooking food -> her feeling stress vs. me doing my thesis and really trying to figure something out when she started to relax after we put kid(s) to sleep).
I'm starting to really like myself again. It's amazing how much my body has transformed since the BD. I am 30 years old and when I woke up at the morning, my body physically hurt in many places. I was a slouch! Now, I feel much more energized even though my sleep has gone haywire. No place hurts! I can jump with one leg again! I can put myself into weird positions as I'm much more flexible! I think my mental health has gone up too, I seem to remember things better and be a bit less of an auto-pilot. I'm 180 pounds now (was 220 lbs at the beginning) and I still need to lose ~10 lbs of fat. Then my body fat% should be at ~8-12%. I'm starting this one long course which I've been SO interested for over a year and thought it would never be re-introduced. But guess what! It's going to start soon (really helpful for my career and I'm super interested in it)!!!
I'm sorry about my babbling and maybe I should write these messages for myself only. I don't know if these interest people since they aren't exactly about my M. It seems to help to get these thoughts of my head though and I really feel the growth from figuring things like these out.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
Expect the worst, hope for the best I guess.