Yes, there are feelings of emotion that are similar to my Divroce from XW. It is slightly reassuring, that I remember that process, and know that I survived it. I also learned a couple things that are preached in DBing, that I just couldnt grasp the first time. During this breakup, I have not reached out or acted anyway but lovingly detached. Let me take back. I begged pleaded and pursued while she was in the house. Since then, i have set her free to walk her own path. This time, I have also not made ANY attempt at stalking her social media. I know the pain that can cause. I have not seeked out info or tried to interfere with her plans. I really struggled with those things, the first time around. I know that will make this time easier, in the long run. I have went into LRT right away this time, because I know that any healing and growth must be about me. We don't have children together, and shes no longer in the home. The only way she is ever coming back, will be by her own free will. I have no control over that, and Ive accepted it much sooner than before. This time will be a smoother process, even though my love and connection with this woman is much stronger than it ever was with XW. So, to answer your question, yes there is some re-assurance I feel from going through it before. Unfortunately, it still really, REALLY [censored].
Sleep has really become an issue for me. Last night, I got 1-2 hours before waking up with thoughts of SO in my mind. I am unable to turn these thoughts off and returning to sleep is not possible. Ive been taking an Attivan before bedtime, and that seems to help me doze off, but its simply not getting me through the night. I have an appt. With my MD. next week, regarding depression. I will ask him if there is anything he can prescribe for rest. I am feeling so run down, from lack of sleep!
Nothing has really changed in my sitch. Im still depressed, still suffering. I have been working my butt off to GAL, and that has been improving. I find that any distraction is helpful, to keep my mind off the R......day by day
Swoop I am sorry you are struggling! Do you engage in any kind of physical activity? I find that when I am feeling down a good workout at the gym helps kill any sort of down feelings I am having.
I know there is more to it that that but it could be a step in the right direction.
Swoop, thanks for sharing your feelings on your previous M and how they relate to your current sitch. I didn't mean to minimize your current pain by asking about that; I hope you didn't feel that I was.
My sleep was really messed up for a few weeks after BD. But it did return to normal after a while. It looks like it's been about a month for you, so I do suggest you talk to your Dr. J9 also brings up a good point about physical activity - it might help tire you out and sleep better too!
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
I haven't done any physical activity. I've never been much of a gym goer, but in a past life I was pretty athletic and physical. I guess I should try to recapture some of that interest, especially if it is going to help save me.
I have been adamantly trying to GAL, everyday reaching out to friends, visiting, going to get-togethers. I have also had a few coffee dates with new people (women), as well as going to coffee by myself. Its rough! I don't enjoy being single. I have this huge feeling of urgency, that I am really having a hard time with. I cant stand to be alone, even for a minute. I know this is going to be a huge/important hurdle for me. I keep finding myself contemplating finding someone new, to fill the empty place in my heart. I realize I am not ready for that at all, but those feelings of having someone in my life are strong. I really need to fight that urge, and become comfortable being alone. I am certain of that, but Im having a rough time being by myself. Todays GAL will be reaching out to a buddy, who is going through a similar situation. We will be setting up some DJ and lighting equipment, for a Halloween party we've decided to throw. Tomorrow, D and I are going with some friends to a pumpkin patch, and Sunday will be spent with family at the Aquarium, as well as some shopping. I will get there. I know I will come out of this in one piece. She undoubtedly was my "one". I am fully confident in that. Unfortunately, I was not hers, and I have accepted the reality of that....but I still feel absolutely BROKEN. It just doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem real
I understand it may be a real struggle, but you need to learn to be happy by yourself. Do things by yourself. I'm not gonna lie, it's going to svck at first, and feel real awkward.
Remember, broken attracts broken.
Personally, I don't believe in the "one". The world is full of people. Unless you live in an Antarctic research station, I'm sure there are plenty of other possibilities where you live.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
I was given an opertinuty to go to a concert in small bar/venue. Tickets were sold out, and a buddy approached me and said he and his wife (whom ive never met) have an extra ticket. They offered it to me, and I accepted. So, this should be a major leap of faith for me. Im going, more or less on my own. I guess I will get to try out my old skills of mingling with strangers. Im already feeling anxiety, but onward and upward!
Reminder to myself, excessive alcohol and flirty women can lead to bad judgments. I learned a lesson
Sunday was amazing however, i took my daughter to meet her cousin and my good friends for a day exploring the aquarium, zombie maze and ghost train. We also hit the American Girl doll store, and more of less got robbed by gunpoint there..lol .....a whole entire day of just goofing off and doing stuff with our kids. My heart felt pretty full at the end of today. Life is slowly moving forward.....day by day
The last couple weeks have been filled with lots of ups and downs, crying, laughing, worrying about my future, celebrating the past. I feel like my emotions are finally starting to settle down. I'm still very upset about my loss, but I'm functioning.
The Halloween party that I helped host, was very successful, and I had a good time. I got a chance to meet some new people. I've been able to branch out a little and socialize in New circles, which I know is important to my GAL.
I keep having hiccups along the way , reflecting on thoughts that I should put out of my mind, and engaging in situations that I probably should avoid. But, I have to keep reminding myself that this is a process , and that I need to be kind to myself and others. Once it is all over, I will have done some things that were right, and I will have made some mistakes. I'm hopeful that all of it will help me grow into a better person in the end. My life is moving forward.
