You know, what Juju said really makes sense, that we come here thinking things are about us and they really aren't and it sometimes takes a long time for that to become evident (of course I'm paraphrasing, so forgive me Juju, but I just found what you said helpful).
Anyway, I think you are doing an awesome job, especially considering the circumstances. I think that you are handling things a lot better than you think you are. From this side, you look very put together and in control. Don't be so hard on yourself. I can assure you, some days, self-sufficiency is WAY over-rated.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I am sorry for all the crap you are dealing with with your ex.
But you are a completely self-sufficient woman. Just because we have someone in our lives willing to help and we chose to accept it, doesn't make you any less self-sufficient. It makes you smart to utilize your resources.
He has diagnosed himself as autistic (he's NOT) and asked me to attend counseling with him.
You know, don't dismiss the idea too quickly. It's possible to be very mildly on the spectrum (what was referred to in the past as Asperger's) and still have it affect your life.
My oldest son has mild Asperger's and wasn't diagnosed until college. He's very extroverted and so not what you would typically picture as someone on the spectrum. But he misses social clues, talks too loud/ too long/ too obsessively, has severe anxiety, and his work options are limited by his social skills (he should have become a computer programmer where he could blend right in, but he was never that interested).
Anyway - my point is, mild Asperger's can be trickier to diagnose than you think, so I would at least take a look at it and consider a counseling appointment with him, just to hear what his therapist has to say about it.
Tonight he went into total rage mode. I will not be going to counseling with him. He basically said I'm not the boss of him anymore and a lot of other things that were hostile and irrational.
I am so sad that this guy that I married for his charm and his bright smile and his wit has decided to become such a train wreck. It didn't have to be like this. And apparently I'm the reason for all his troubles.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
He has diagnosed himself as autistic (he's NOT) and asked me to attend counseling with him.
You know, don't dismiss the idea too quickly. It's possible to be very mildly on the spectrum (what was referred to in the past as Asperger's) and still have it affect your life.
My oldest son has mild Asperger's and wasn't diagnosed until college. He's very extroverted and so not what you would typically picture as someone on the spectrum. But he misses social clues, talks too loud/ too long/ too obsessively, has severe anxiety, and his work options are limited by his social skills (he should have become a computer programmer where he could blend right in, but he was never that interested).
Anyway - my point is, mild Asperger's can be trickier to diagnose than you think, so I would at least take a look at it and consider a counseling appointment with him, just to hear what his therapist has to say about it.
He never had trouble making friends the first ten years we were married. He has held great jobs and risen high in a career that requires him to be savvy to social cues. He has no particular quirks or tics. He *was* raised in a high stress household. His father and grandmother both suffer from anxiety and alcohol dependency and I believe Mr. F does too. He is conflict avoidant and because of that is a tremendous liar and manipulator.
I see no value to attending counseling with him after the way he has treated me.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Is it possible to do this working mom thing with a demanding job? My Guy takes up a lot of time and things around the house are falling apart a bit. I am exhausted. I recommitted to the job after having resolved to quit. He is not happy about that decision which makes me feel a little defiant. But after a rough night last night I'm so tired I just wonder, is it worth it?
As an aside, Mr. Fantastic is moving his GF and her three younger children into his house. I have to be the sane stable parent -- they're boy cheaters and she just lost a child to drug addiction a few weeks ago. Mr. Fantastic list his $h!7 last week, went off the rails, disappeared to another state, and then turned up as though none of it ever happened. He asked me to sit down and talk to him, which I ageeed to, but he never followed up with an actual meeting time, so I guess he changed his mind or wasn't serious about it or something. I am so worried about how he's showing up to the kids, especially since he made my D14 his confidante in all that.
Just venting/journaling. I'm exhausted.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Fabulous Mr. Fantastic wants to revisit the custody arrangement to give him “something more balanced.” He’s such a stand-up guy he can’t even commit to a separation agreement.
Kicking myself for having married him. I hope this turns out to be a lot of smoke and no fire.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Mr. Fantastic wanted to meet for coffee yesterday afternoon to talk about the custody schedule. He asked for every other week. I asked how that was supposed to work with his travel schedule and he said that “this is the last job like this I want to have” and that he was winding down his travel obligation. We argued about how much he has participated in parenting the children up to now and money came up several times. At one point he even said “You can’t possibly need $xxxx to support the children.” Claimed to not have enough money to get the boys a haircut after I observed he had never even done that much for them, but he has enough to buy a house that costs almost double mine, and to take his girlfriend to NYC, etc.
I suspect that I will be fighting him about money, or his smokescreen efforts to get out of paying me support, for the rest of the time that the kids are home with me. I feel ashamed of having made choices that makes this part of my child-raising experience, and of my kids’ childhood, though I really hope they aren’t able to detect that element of their dad’s awesomeness.
I note that he probably is doing nothing to provide for their college. Since, you know, haircuts are beyond reach (but a $600k house isn’t).
In other news, the kids and I had a great time with My Guy over Thanksgiving. I hope I am not misjudging him too.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
