Any Advice 2

[gw5263]

Is this the correct way to begin a new thread?

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2761278#Post2761278

If not i apologize. To continue, Tread, no idea what W is saying to the D about this sitch. D is supposed to ride the bus home but all week has been riding home with W. W found out thursday that i wrote a letter to the parents of OM before i got here, and was livid, saying it was crazy and childish, and why couldnt i just walk away. Now D says that was over the top. W said she wanted a Divorce and planned on moving to OM after the school year, and that i could see the kids every summer. I did nt take that too well. It was an ugly argument. It ended when isaid i had decided not to turn him in. Since then been nice as heel. Much like your W, she is fine as long as there is no mention of the A.


Bad thing is, my S overheard OM tell my wife on facetimme that when he comes up in october he has a plan to stop- me from messing up thier lives..... I can only imagine it involves false DV charges or something of that nature. Of course, W told me the day before that he was not coming. Pretty sad when someone you have spent 17 years with will conspire against you with a douche bag. I will talk to my attorney and probably get a retraining order keeping him at least 500 feet from any member of my family. I have to do what is needed to protect mny family if this is indeed the case. I cannot take the threat lightly.

[gw5263]

i will most likely get a VAR and put it under her bed to capture facetime messaging to see the extent of what is going on. Sounds paranoid but who knows what is being discussed with regards to me. W sure wont tell, not the truth anyway.

[joejoe1]

GW,

What is a VAR?

[gw5263]

voice activated recorder

[25yearsmlc]

i will most likely get a VAR and put it under her bed to capture facetime messaging to see the extent of what is going on. Sounds paranoid but who knows what is being discussed with regards to me. W sure won't tell, not the truth anyway.

Are you in fear of your w? Or the OM? And where is he now?

Oh and what happened to working on yourself? What is your goal here?

You seem to think the only two options are snooping & punishing her & the OM as much as possible,

or laying down to be walked on.

If you want a divorce, which she says SHE wants, then do it

OR try DBing

but you are all over the place.

I know there are people here on this site who are not DBing in their own situations, or who gave up, or who want to vicariously punish their spouses thru urging you on
to snoop, spy and avenge.

But I could have sworn you came here to try and save the m.

None of this is part of DBing.

[25yearsmlc]

Is this the correct way to begin a new thread?
If not i apologize. To continue, Tread, no idea what W is saying to the D about this sitch. D is supposed to ride the bus home but all week has been riding home with W. W found out thursday that i wrote a letter to the parents of OM before i got here, and was livid, saying it was crazy and childish, and why couldnt i just walk away.


I think you are on the scorch and burn program. But you are on a divorce Busting site, so you may want to remember that your original goal was softening your wife's heart.

Now D says that was over the top. W said she wanted a Divorce and planned on moving to OM after the school year, and that i could see the kids every summer. I did nt take that too well. It was an ugly argument.

You have to realize your choices do not only affect you and your wife. You say her choices are damaging to the family and I hear you.

But so are your responses, no matter how you justify letting your anger dictate.
Yes you are also pushing your W away from you (and maybe into his arms more)

but I'm talking about what your d will believe in the long run.
IN TIME, your will justify what she has already justified, to your D. And your d will wonder if there's some validity to it.

Having you in this mode of anger fueled behavior (under the guise of "boundary setting/getting HER respect back") won't help you or your d at all.

Where did you find these^^ suggestions in the DB books? That is rhetorical obviously.




It ended when isaid i had decided not to turn him in. Since then been nice as heel. Much like your W, she is fine as long as there is no mention of the A.

So you "Decided not to turn Om in." Do you see what a power struggle you are putting yourself in?

You have NO detachment and I have not heard much about your GAL.
And you keep throwing the threat out as if you are holding THE powerful game winning card. I don't know how to get that across any more clearly than I have. Threatening someone's financial interest OR their reputation is a crime in Texas. In the Stanley case, the defendant threatened to harm the victim's reputation by revealing embarrassing information. Prison sentences are real.

Stop threatening that. It is analogous to threatening robbery, except you seem to feel self righteous about it.

Simply put, you are Not practicing any of the DB principles. I wish you would, since you are on this site.

Can you hire a DB coach, or read the book?




Bad thing is, my S overheard OM tell my wife on facetimme that when he comes up in october he has a plan to stop- me from messing up thier lives.....

so he says he wants to react to your behavior, with something similar? So do you see this as a cause and effect? Can you ask your son to stop listening? He is clearly acting on your behalf even if you have not specifically asked him to.

But Have you? Is he special needs or on the spectrum? I have a brother who is on the spectrum and crossing the line like this is not rare.


I can only imagine it involves false DV charges or something of that nature.

Maybe....

What if he just tells you to stop all the blackmail? I mean, how are you going to rise above this horrific tit for tat -

when the original reason you came here was to Save Your M? You came here to show your w that you are the better choice.


Pretty sad when someone you have spent 17 years with will conspire against you with a douche bag.


GW, I know you are in pain. I really, REALLY get it. Me too. My m of 35 years is ending and I did not see it coming, (I should have, but I did not). 3 kids, including one who is very troubled. I have been in my situation almost a year and it's my 2nd time around.
And there's a lovely life altering health issue in the mix that has made this past year super fun.

So Join the club of people in a painful battle.

I will NOT return fire. I will not post on FB or retaliate in court. Oh yes, I will be sure I protect my financial interests, but I will be above reproach. I will have no regrets about my choices. So far, so good.

But your comment here about how they "will conspire against you" lacks some self awareness.

I think it is a lot like you threatening your w's job...(& OM's security clearance = his career)?

Please read over the posts Sandi wrote if you are going to ignore what I write.



I will talk to my attorney and probably get a retraining order keeping him at least 500 feet from any member of my family. I have to do what is needed to protect my family if this is indeed the case. I cannot take the threat lightly.

Good luck. Seriously, I wish you well.

[Cadet]

Is this the correct way to begin a new thread?

Yes - thanks, start a new thread after 100 posts.

[joejoe1]

GW,

I lost on Sitch at this moment. Why are you using a VAR? You know what she is doing. Using a VAR is not detaching. You havent posted a GAL yet
You need to get out the house and away from your WW. You haven't mentioned a 180.

What is your goal. All I'm seeing is threat for threat. Either you are or are not. And thats with all things. You asked about boundaries, and I havent heard about any being set by you. Why is your S and D in the middle Of this? Please get them out of this. Tell your wife to keep them out of this. You and your wife are playing the kids against each other and thats not good at all. Exactly it's horrible. This memories they will never forget. Is that what You want?

[Tread]

And this is why I suggested not destroying yiur evidence. I am filing for a divorce even though I still wish my W would get her head right. But at the end if the day, I realize when someone is out to get me. And that has consequences that gies outside your MR that will effect you for years. So you should protect yourself.

Not sure if you should use BAR, but as long as OM is in your W ear coming up with ideas to get you. Then your W is a threat. I have seem W set their H up to be arrested, attacked or even killed. Due to some lowlife in their ear. So yes tibhave every reason to want to keep a close eye on your W.

Trust, I tried DB'ING and still technically doing so. But my life trumps a MR to a damaged woman. And that is when I seriously knew it was time to detach. Now my W wants to act friendly again and I will stay detached. And in my sitch, OM isn't even helping her plot that I know of. You don't have to use your proof, but please don't toss it an attempt to be the bigger person. WW will make you pay for that act of kindness. She already to make uiha summertime parent.

Go consult a lawyer about options in regards to your children. In TN, no parent can move 50 miles away from the other parent. Which prevents one parent from making it difficult for the other parent to see the child.

[gw5263]

25, i apologize for my behavior. Ive had some time alone to sit and really, truly go over everything ion my mind. to answer your one question, yes, my son is on the spectrum. Highly intelligent and very inquisitive.I have not asked him to be my Bond. I would not use a child in that manner, even if i suspect she would.
You are also right, i did come here for help saving my marriage. revenge is not the way to do it, niether is snooping. You are also right by saying that im all over the place. I am. It needs to end and will end now. I took what my son said to me and viewed it as an immediate threat. Looking back, i over reacted. If OM is going to do something hes going to do it. I doubt it would be anything criminal in nature. I have to get to the place where i can work on me. I need to set a plan for GAL, I need to detach correctly, I need to 180. The boundary setting, i am unfamiliar with and wouldnt know what to begin with. I need to spend a good deal of time looking inward instead of for the magic bullet. every thing you said in your last post is spot on. I need to open my ears, and more importantly my mind to what you and others like you are trying so hard to tell me. I have let my emotions run the show, and i realize that i can't operate that way successfully. Can we begin again? I am wide open to suggestions, and can take constructive criticism pretty well. Dont give up on me, ill get there. It just takes an outside set of eyes to tell you how crazy and irrational you really are, because i have to say, absent that, i thought i was on the right road. I actually was, the right road to divorce and loneliness.. I appreciate the slap upside the head, multiple times , thanks 25!