So sorry to hear about your grandmother. It's tough to lose our grandparents, and you feel the need for support from your W, but she is too wrapped up in her private affairs.
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Told her I plans around that time , so she asked what I planned and I told her.
You absolutely need to break the habit of telling her about your plans. She lost the privilege of knowing details about your plans.
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Then I asked W what she had suddenly planned around that time. And she simply said that she was going out. Naturally I asked out to do what. And simply turned her head and refused to answered. I was making conversation. But apparently her plans are a secret, so I left it alone.
Oh Tread! . You must not ask her about her plans. Stop trying to make conversation, b/c you come across as being nosy and much too interested in what she's doing.
Again, I am sorry for your loss. Don't expect sympathy or warmth from your WW, and don't try to milk the situation to get it, either.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am very sorry for your loss. Any expectations of them treating you as you would them is just going to set you up for hurt and disappointment.
Do not tell her your plans anymore. She surely isn't going to tell you yours. Why would she? In her mind, she is separated from you and she is under no obligation to tell you.
The hardest thing to accept right now, and there is no other way to do this, but you need to accept she is not your wife right now. She fired you from husband role which means she isn't your wife. Legally yes, emotionally no. And that's the way you need to live right now to save yourself from hurt and disappointment from having expectations of this woman treating you like a husband.
It wasn't as if I expected her to act like my W. But at least show that you give a damn. I have seen my W give more to a stranger. Not expecting anything, but just surprised that we are at this point of her being so low of a human being.
As far as telling her my plans, it was just brought up by her as she dropped S13 at the house. By your right, I told her out if habit and need to put a stop to that. At this point being cordial isn't even on the table.
It wasn't as if I expected her to act like my W. But at least show that you give a damn. I have seen my W give more to a stranger. Not expecting anything, but just surprised that we are at this point of her being so low of a human being.
As far as telling her my plans, it was just brought up by her as she dropped S13 at the house. By your right, I told her out if habit and need to put a stop to that. At this point being cordial isn't even on the table.
Tread....I agree, my W could give a $hit less what I do, what happens to me, etc. I think it is the hardest thing I have had to accept. I can rationalize a lot of things but how she could be so cold and emotionless towards the father of her 2 children with me never treating her bad in my entire life is beyond me. I guess the same applies to those H's as well. You are much further a long than me but I am not sure how much long I can limbo it.
That's the craziest part. W is the one from the start claiming to want to be cordial. But hasn't done a cordial thing. And at this point, I don't even want to do cordial. I just want her to focus on myself, regardless of how it will affect W.
IC says that W no longer needs me to cover up for her. And that her actions has consequences.
Man, I wholeheartedly disagree with this.
I havent read the next few pages, so maybe my advice is too late.
But, in my opinion, your W's A is none of your business. And certainly not your business to tell S. I dont see any issue with directing a 13 year old to talk to his mother about whats going on. Telling him about the A and who it is sounds like you are trying to recruit him to your 'side'. You can see in other words you wrote that YOU believe the MR could be fixed with improved communication or whatnot but W chose to do other things. Painting yourself as the 'good guy' to your S means that W is the "bad guy", and frankly, I dont think it's appropriate to portray her in that light to your S.
So to me, you can tell him that things in the MR are difficult right now. But for other details about what shes doing, I dont see any benefit from going into details about the A.
Kind of want my W friends to report back to her on what I do on social media. Just started putting up random crazy comments on FB of my thoughts. These thought could be interpreted in many different ways. If youre guilty of something, then you may feel that these comments are being directed towards you.
This us where disagree. As long as my W is married to me. And her actions continue to hurt this family. Then it's my business. S13 already knows about her cheating, so if asks if that has anything to do it the divorce. Then I will not lie to him. Whether he likes his mother or dislikes her is not my concern.
Just giving him the truth if he asks for it specifically. Plus the fact that his mother lies about everything the advice was not to lie to him. Because W would fill in the blanks with lies. If S13 looks at W as the bad guy, it's the image she out out there. In her own words, "At least I had a good 13 years with him." So W could careless about her image, because her mind is more focused on chasing d*ck. Be isn't gwtting all the details, but he knows that his mother did mess up big time.
I have no intent on making this easy for W. Solely I had to tell S13 about the divorce. I solely had to attend counseling, while my W went to party instead. W needs to feel s these consequences for her actions and will not take the blows from those consequences for her. The random comments was something I did once a day. It wasn't intended for her to see. But if her friends reported back to her, then I honestly didn't care. But I stopped for now.
My opinion is if he asks "is mom having an affair?", the answer is "thats a discussion you should have with her."
I believe saying anything more than that is only out of trying to hurt her. Like the comment below:
Originally Posted By: Tread
I have no intent on making this easy for W.
Telling your son to talk to his mother isnt making anything easier. To me, you want to be the judge and jury and youve already decided that her crimes are worse than yours and she should pay for them.
I dont think an attitude like that will benefit you in the long run.
. You must not ask her about her plans. Stop trying to make conversation, b/c you come across as being nosy and much too interested in what she's doing.