Well here I am looking forwards

[ATPeace]

Hi i thought I would drop by and update

Our house is under offers and I have now been served

I have seen a solicitor and she bought be
Me some comfort but I am not looking forwards to the next few months

So a question control has been an issue for me in the past and I used to hate to see my W go out without me

This Friday she is having some friends over and then they are all going clubbing I will be,left looking after the kids ...I am wondering if I will manage seeing her getting ready to go out seeing her getting made up and going out without me still hurts.

What if some of her new friends are guys is it wrong for me to say sorry but I don't want them our family home is that wrong

I know I cannot stop her doing whatever she will do ....I still hope for a way through this but her way through is divorce and seperate houses lives she is not mine she tells me that we have been apart for over two years and that she could have been re married and have a new family

She is very distant and I do still struggle

I am working a couple of days a week in Devon my two older kids are looking forward to moving I will be up and down the country plan to get a motorhome to sleep in when I am back seeing the younger kids

I am slowly making plans it is just I still am too attached

Any advice for Friday night

Many thanks
Ghost

[rd500]

Hi G , firstly good news that you are making plans for your future and starting to build your business in Devon. Dont worry about Friday until something happens. You are stressing out about it and it may amount to nothing. If need be , go out before with kids and let W get on with it. Its normal to be attached, this takes time. Do what you can to avoid getting involved in Ws business. Obviously if W does something tbat you wouldnt accept from a room mate then you have to.deal with that but post here first so people can advise.

Stay strong G. Rd

[rd500]

Hi G , firstly good news that you are making plans for your future and starting to build your business in Devon. Dont worry about Friday until something happens. You are stressing out about it and it may amount to nothing. If need be , go out before with kids and let W get on with it. Its normal to be attached, this takes time. Do what you can to avoid getting involved in Ws business. Obviously if W does something tbat you wouldnt accept from a room mate then you have to.deal with that but post here first so people can advise.

Stay strong G. Rd

[ATPeace]

Hi it has been a little while since I last posted and I feel I am moving slowly forward the offer on our house fell through so currently our house is still on the market I'm still looking to be relocating my life to Devon I feel that I need to put some distance between myself and my soon to be ex wife

One of the things that I really find difficult is excepting her going out and not wanting to be with me I understand this is her choice but I still find it incredibly painful especially as I'm still in house with her and seeing her going out and sometimes are even asking me to drop her off just hurts

As of yet she is not in on a new relationship but as she has pointed out to me we have been separated now almost 2 years and she could've been with someone else and remarried and have another kid on the way I know this is not what she wants from what she still sometimes shares with me

So I had no control of her going out during our marriage she knew I hated her going out without me so she stopped going out with Her friends. I realise this is a massive problem as it is so very controlling I just really struggle with her going out potentially meeting new males and getting further emotionally from me perhaps,I was always secretly scared she would one day leave and now she has

Any tips on how to let go,

Thank you
Ghost

[sandi2]

I think your need to control her going out comes from your terrible insecurity.

Did you follow up with IC and see why you have fear of abandonment?

[rd500]

Hi G , just to say Sandi is on the mark. Your insecure and i get that. I know how it feels to be insecure and you need to work through those issues with an IC. As for letting go ,, you might need space from W. The living together is very tough for a very secure person but for an insecure one , its torture.

Hows your GAL ???
Hows the children doing ????


G, read Sandis quote under her name, your at this for sometime now and nothings changing , you need to do something differently to deal with this.

Stay strong , Rd

[ATPeace]

Thank you for posting back

I have covered my insecurity issues with my IC and what we talked about was several things

One of which was
When I was very young about 13 I liked a girl at school a so called friends...friend decided that it would be a great idea to phone her up and tell her that I wanted to f*** her etc ...her parents went ballistic. She was just 13 we both went to the same school... I was dragged in front of the head and embarrassed by the head over what he had said to her ....I could never look at this girl again it also made me very nervous about chatting to girls

This is the first time I have ever really talked about this other than to my IC

Ok so I have said in the past I have only ever been with my W she was my first love/ attraction we kinna fell together and had 25 years together and a further 2 years seperated and we have four kids together

I fear that I will be alone and that no one else would want me and as I have not experienced relationships ....i worry that I do not have the skills to form another one ....remember I have not experienced different relationships I have had just the one and we fell together when she was very young. This leads me to question was our relationship a good one ...how can I even tell or comment if it was good or bad it was what it was ...I do not have other relationships to compare against so how would I know for sure I know it lasted a very long time but it also ended so was it a success or a failure

Ok so I have insecurity ...I do ...I am over weight I worry about my looks I feel I am small in the Manley department ....mostly probably caused by my weight ...my stomach covering ...that bit !!! I feel that I have lived an extremely sheltered life and have not had to get out and meet people

I meet and inteact with lots of people in my job but most of the people that I meet with are between the ages of 17 to 23 I am now 48 so even tho I am extremely confident in my job and with conversing with people of both gender I do spend a lot of my time with young adolescents as opposed to people my age so interacting with younger people is easy transferimg this to people my age is another matter.

So I have have been seperated for about two years tho living in the same house and the one thing that I really miss is the closeness of being with someone who wants to be with me ..

So it does worry me that I might find myself attracted to someone who is a lot younger than myself particulary if they show me an interest.

I want to be extremely clear I am not talking about getting involved with someone my daughters age 18....this is not what I am saying ....what I am trying to say is that I almost do not care who I spend my time with as long as they make me happy fill a gap I love to talk and if that is to a Twenty year old or a fourty year old then I really do not care I am not looking to strike up a relationship with either but I worry that because I feel lonely I could fall into the wrong relationship with the wrong person ...to fill the gap ...me feeling lonely.

I should add that I also get on extremely well with my male friends as well my male clients and I equally enjoy chatting to them.

I almost think that I need to get out meet lots of different people form lots of relationships ...catch up on the dating that I missed out on as a teen...experience a few bad dates a few good ones have the ones that don't last the ones that don't matter experience life a little to give me that balance on what is good and what is not .....bad idea ?

Would this give me more confidence or break mine I really don't know I question everything these days.

My gal could be better

My children i am spending lot more time with them ...this is a good thing

I still am too emotionally attached to my ex

Letting go is a choice

Thank you

[rd500]

Hi G, lots in that post, im not a vet and any advice i give comes from my own experiance.

Your weight , etc mean very little to most ladies. They are much deeper than that but maybe for your own self esteem why not get some exercise ?? It should be good for your body and mind.

Why not join a social group ? I know you love your cars so join a Porsche owners club and make some new friends.

Im very insecure but if you met me i would appear go be the most confident person ever. Im seeing a lady for the last 3 months and she is a stunner, intelligent, beautiful and fit as a flea, 3 times now ive let my insecurities cause issues in the R but luckily she has pulled me back. She has her own insecurities and im not exaggerating when i say shes stunning but to her she has flaws. My point is we view ourselves quite cricatlly and others may not.

Whether you M was good or not , it was what it was and proberbly a bit of both. Hearing what your W says about new Rs and having more kids etc must be heart breaking and would upset anyone.

Again , these are my thoughts only , you need space and you need to move forward with your life. This situation has happened and your W is obviously happy enough with how things are. Thats no good to you and your state of mind. You need space to get a clear head and let W do whatever she wants without it affecting you.

You need to change things , if your ready to date then date, personally i would join a few social clubs and keep yourself busy. If you meet someone then all well and good but its not the goal. Exercise ( for you ) and start to feel some confidence in yourself.

On the school days thing, thats in the past, i would almost guarantee that you are the only one that remembers it and alot of teenager boys have done plenty of stupid things to get girls attention. My own S18 did something similar a few years ago.

This is your life G , its not a dress rehearsal, live it , enjoy it and be the very best you that you can be.

Stay strong, Rd

[ATPeace]

RD

Thank you for your reply you have always been a good friend here and I really aprichiate your reply you are right on many things

I do not know if I am ready to date tbh I just want to feel happy and loved and I guess I miss the whole family life ....life !

The gym is something I have been thinking about

Thank you again my friend

Ghost

[ATPeace]

On another note has now filed for divorce and I have signed the divorce papers so I guess I'm now waiting for this to be submitted to the court how do I deal with this The resentment is building it makes me feel very angry and bitter upset tearful I guess it makes it feel closer to the end

How do I keep my emotions in check when the letter arrives telling me we are now no longer married

I need the divorce to be through in order to be able to move forward with the purchase of my next house but that feels so final