I understand that you are angry. I am understand you are ready to become an Ahole. (your words, not mine). Out her to all the friends, who cares. But as far as your son, it's not about protecting his mother, it's about how he is going to receive this news in a way to cause the least damage to him. it's about protecting him, not her. ANd before you say "well, it's her choices that are doing this to him". Yes, they are. But you have the power to lighten the blow to your S13. So before you go off exposing your W's infidenlities to you S, make sure you do it in a way that is not for YOU, but in a way that will be easiest on him.
My W trying to make it sound like she is running away on some victim story. Making it seem like this is all my fault. Completely ignoring the A aspect. I simply plan on telling that though we have had issues over the years. Issues that could have been fixed with communication, she didn't want to bother. But instead wanted to carry on an inappropriate relationship with a married who had a family of his own.
Unfortunately my anger is accompanied with my wraith. And I haven't felt this way, since my W has known me. She is about to see a side of me that she has only heard from people in my past.
Anger is a very useful emotion but keep it under control. Draw strength from it but don't let it control you. You control it and it can see you through the darkest of times.
Thanks for the advice. Definitely going to focus this anger into something positive for myself. If there is one thing that I am good at is controlling my anger and using it to do some damage when necessary. I was just seriously hoping never having to go there with my W.
My W trying to make it sound like she is running away on some victim story. Making it seem like this is all my fault. Completely ignoring the A aspect. I simply plan on telling that though we have had issues over the years. Issues that could have been fixed with communication, she didn't want to bother. But instead wanted to carry on an inappropriate relationship with a married who had a family of his own.
Tread, even though I got a little flack from how I handle the discussion with the kids this is what I said/did. My WW wife started out saying that... "kids you may have noticed that dad and I haven't been talking much lately and not really getting along, WE have decided to get divorced". That's when I stopped her and said kids..... "I do not want this, your mom is the one who filed for divorce and no longer wants me in her life. I just wanted you to know were I stand on this. I told them that we will both love you no matter what happens and you are our number one focus!!" I did not mention the lying and cheating because honestly, kids are smarter than any of us give them credit for and they will find out! Everyone I know that is going through this or been through it they have all told me the kids find out! Keep your anger harnessed and use it for good, I have/had anger issues but with IC I have used it for good and I am much better off for it, and my kids really appreciate my new approach with them. Good luck,
My IC suggested that I just answer S13 questions truthfully. If ask what the BD is happening. Tell him about the A at a level for his age. If he ask who it is, then give a name and how we know him. IC says that W no longer needs me to cover up for her. And that her actions has consequences. Says I shouldn't get S13 upset with me trying to save her reputation.
So last night was strange, but interesting. Kool Moe Dee was town at an event, so I went to check it out. W decided that she was going to attend the event as well. So the evening starts off with W showing up to the house apparently looking for some shoes. W walks into the bedroom just as I'm right out the shower. Apparently she went out and brought a brand new dress last night, which I admit she looked great in.
Then she makes it a point to get on her hands and knees to look under the bed for the shoes. Being that dress was so short, I got a view of the new thong she had apparently bought last night as well. Pretty sure W knew the shoes weren't under the bed, because I always put the shoes she leaves around in the closet. So eventually she goes to the closest finds the shoes tries them on. Decides she doesn't want to wear them and leaves wearing the same issues she came in with.
So 30 minutes later I arrive to the event that is outdoors. Notice W standing around by herself. I opt to just ignore her and do my own thing. Start talking to some women in the drink line. W sends me a text saying she see's me across the yard. I look ovee my shoulder and she waves, I wave back and continued my conversation.
Eventually W comes over and talks with me. Offers me some of the shaved ice she is eating. Show begins I move off to do my own thing. After the show W is flirting with some drunk old men who clearly are showing interest. I opt to ignore and catch up with several people that we know. These folks are friends, but don't have a clue about what is happening with the MR. Naturally they ask how things are and how W is doing. I simply point in her direction. As we're catching and new people naturally gravitate in our direction, W comes over and joins the conversation. I was cordial with W, but mainly kept my focus off of her.
Think one of the biggest reasons why came over was because I was talking with a fitness instructor that I'm hosting an invite with tomorrow night. We'll just call the fitness instructor FI. Clearly there was a lot if laughing between us and some chemistry. FI is a single mother and just cool. And we were definitely talking abiut the fight tomorrow night. W just kept hanging around. Things also got weird when couples and random couples want to make plans to hang with us.
So I made a point to avoid W at the after party later. Surprisingly enough the after party didn't have too many people. So once again W kind of gravitated towards me when I was once again in conversation. And wanted to know what I was drinking. She asked for a sip and figured what could it hurt. I decided to leave at that point and W decided to leave as well. Simce she was parked so far away, I walked her to her car. Which led to her offering to drive me to my car, since I was parked even further away.
This morning, W show up to the house to pick up S13 for school. Ask me about how the job is going and even starts to iron the clothes I had set out. Not looking at this as some moment that changes everything. But it was nice seeing W have fun and smiling and laughing with me last night. Though I tried to stay away for the most part. And even with the craziness going on we still have ability to attract folks towards us and have a good time. It's just all the deception coming from her that makes this harder than it has to be. Sorry for being long winded.
I read these sitches with this WW, and your W has done what everyone's else's has done. It's very textbook. She wants to keep you on the hook. Make sure she doesn't succeed. The way you talk, her manipulation with her dress and thong and eating eachothers ice cream and drinking drinks, it worked a little. I can see how you would read right into that as something positive, but she is playing you like pocket aces.
