Get over your hill and see what you find there

[SJW]

Not sure I'll have a think

[Treasur]

We could all agree a weekend & time to meet at a specific train station...have only got a 2 seater though so only room for one passenger, but SJW, you could follow us home?

[Citygrl]

Hmm. Just checked trains. You are a little over 4 hours fro me but hey travel is fun. Unless we all meet in London? How to figure this out??? I trust you all know the country better than I! It would be nice to give typing a break and actually speak.

[SJW]

I'm happy to go with whatever. I agree with Citygrl take a break from typing!

[leahsue]

What Ownit and I did was to meet at a Starbucks at a specific mall, time, date, and told each other, like I'll be wearing a purple scarf. That worked great for us. I think the train station idea would work for you, but maybe a little more specific. Just somewhere public like that but specific enough. (We later realized there's more than one Starbucks in that mall, so it took us a bit longer, but she figured it out!) Good luck! It really is cool to meet IRL.

[Treasur]

I think my L's bill (see vent fest) just flipped me to the F**k it phase. Is there one of those for an LBS? I'm not angry with my STBXH. I don't need to mind read. I'm not in pain. I don't want to save my M or get him back. I just want to stop the craziness. It feels like the Bay of Pigs here...

So I just sent the following email:

Dear H

I've just paid my latest legal bill. I’ve spent £3500 so far on a divorce I never wanted. Money I don’t have that I need to pay rent. I assume you’ve spent as much if not more. I’ve not had any response from you or your solicitor about the £ stuff and today is the 7 day deadline. I don’t know why.

Why are we doing this, H, really? We could have spent less on a round the world trip, talking things out over cocktails in a beach bar or climbing mountains or learning to surf or eating street food in Singapore. A few thousand more and the divorce will cost more than our wedding but with less kisses and cake.

Obviously you weren’t happy with something about how life was, as the link says. I wasn’t either, I just didn’t think it was your fault, so I didn’t think leaving you was the answer. Please can we cut through the crap with love and find a better way? We really loved each other and this mess is crazy. We’ve both made mistakes. There must be a better way than this. I don’t hate you and this all just doesn’t feel right to me. You? Can we just take a breath, start with a calm clean slate and figure it out together?

Shall we start placing bets on a) if he responds at all or b) how he might read this through MLC goggles and react? I'm open to 'doodler' like fun suggestions!

[Treasur]

PS link was one from a divorce site that essentially says the real reason for marriages failing is because we get unhappy with ourselves...

[Holding]

Treasur, I really like your email. It's honest and direct. It seems to come from a healthy place, not a reactive or fearful one. And it mostly just feels "real".

My money's on him responding with something like "I'm sorry, this is just something I have to do".

[Treasur]

OK, holding, are you up for a virtual £5 bet??? Any other bids?

Thanks. The good thing about the F**k it stage (I wonder if I missed that in DR) is that it feels pretty liberating. I feel like me again, my voice, the woman I was before I got married.

[Treasur]

And F**k It too, if I hear nothing, I've lost nothing....I'll just go NC for a few weeks, give myself a break and let him stew/bake/spew via his L

I like this F**k It stage. Especially because I don't feel angry or trying to get a specific outcome, other than not raffling the cat or robbing a bank to pay L fees. It's like a whole new kind of detachment, sort of Zen F**k It...