Wow. We really are having same issues. I know I keep saying that! Had conversation with lawyer last night regarding: husband not responding; husband's lawyer not responding; getting a copy of a letter he sent me from his lawyer to him where it mentions that his lawyer was processing things through because he thought husband wanted to get re-married but understood why he may not want to file for Divorce Absolute because of the "emotional distress" I am in. WTF!!! I can just imagine what husband is saying and does he truly believe I am just waiting around for him and love him so much!!
Plus, find it interesting he sent me that letter after I texted him I was disappointed he didn't respond to attending or making an appointment with the Mediator. Now she has to send him a formal request. Can't file to court without Form A signed from her. Think he sent it to me so I cauld see he wants to get remarried even though I have asked him on a few occasions if he was going to remarry and that was why he wasn't agreeing to not apply for DA until finances were settled and he said NO.
Those that are still reading... no, it has not gone unnoticed that maybe he thinks I am waiting around for him because A. I am/was. But in fairness, since he is a WAH he really has no idea what my life is about aside from credit card bills. I have still vacationed and travelled but because I have not moved back to the States (for legal reasons and my beloved cats which I cannot take to a large city as they are outdoor, roaming the fields cats). He can't see my changes because I have not seen him in 9 months, and I have gone extremely dim. I have worked hard on GAL and making friends, keeping busy, etc.
Treasur, I am with you. I feel like I am missing a 180 but not sure what that is. I have tried expressing anger at times and that doesn't work, tried to just communicate normally but not engage, tried being friends but I messed that up when I learned he was taking OW2 away on big holiday, after speaking to me on phone for an hour or 2 every day. I get confused with boundaries I think. Thought he was cake eating by having my emotional support and friendship while off with OW2.
He was very good friends with his first wife as they parted very amicably and she remarried the guy she met a few months earlier from when my husband and I met. They had no kids as she didn't want them. And we all got along very well. I thought it showed a maturity in my husband to have thar relationship and I know a few other couples that are the same. I chocked it up to them being young when they became couple and growing apart. Now I am rea mining that theory. Anyway, wanted my husband to know that the best friend happy ex couple scenario was a one off. When divorce is final, I am gone and door is slammed shut. I think that is why I have left it open a crack.
Sorry if my posts are disjointed as I am one finger typing on my iPad because I do not trust the security of my home computer.
Me-54 H-49 T-1. M-7 BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out OW - 3/13 OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3 OW3 - 8/17 H filed 1/17
Bombshell news just arrived and, of course, it's a doozy from crazy MLC husband!
I haven't been posting because I have been living vicariously through Treasur and OwnIt but think I may need to get some thoughts down.
Learned this morning that MLC H has dumped frumpy, old, weird (I am told), Eastern European cleaning lady, whom he met cleaning his self-imposed bachelor pad for.....wait for it.....another Eastern European (from a better looking country; the same country of choice from which his married brother picked his!) he and OW2 were on a very generic low brand cruise to a cold country (as is the of choice when you already live in a country of no summer, sarcasm) when he met Olga now OW3 (have no idea what her name is).
So let's recap. Was on holiday with OW2 (who he told his lawyer he wanted to marry) met Olga in the casino, spent the night with her and came back and told everyone. Now OW2 is stalking him. Bet she is bummed her money train has left the station. No sympathy for OW2 as she started sleeping with him when he was with the "love of his life" the half his age, engaged--who's fiancée also worked for my husband--OW1.
Are you following 'this This is what happens when you are four years in. And and and, this is only half the story!
So, a few things now that the juicy titillating bits are out there. For anyone out there wondering how crazy it can get. This is it. There is so much more. Am now going to really pursue divorce as it is just a matter of days before this one goes pregnant. For that I am certain.
The bad news is I can no longer keep tabs on his spending and vacations as OW2 is out of the pic, so no FB info.
To all those still reading: I am not a crazy loon. I am from a family where everyone is happily married, am educated, had a career I enjoyed and disposable income, HAD a great normal, loving, fun husband who I adored and seemed to adore me until MLC got him. It is heartbreaking watching him destroy his life. Am shocked he met Olga in a casino as he never had ANY interest in gambling. My guess is Olga is a prostitute who works the ships or was working in the casino. Who does that? Who hooks up with someone while on vacation with another? The MLC man. That's who.
One of the missing pieces to the puzzle is why does he do and say everything his brother does? His brother and he are so different. His brother started MLC and my husband followed. I get the issues that threw my H into MLC but don't truly get the brother connection. Am hesitant to write entire story as B plays a huge role but has a lovely STBXW and children. I am always afraid that the story is so weird that someone will read here and know them.
Surprisingly, I feel fine and like I just got a good piece of gossip. Is that detachment? I am happy OW2 got her comeuppance (even though if Olga blows up OW2 and he may get back together). Tired of turning other cheek and being big person. Ha ha ha OW2. You are old enough to know better. A year go this would have sent me into major downward spiral. Maybe it hasn't hit me.
So, am processing this and STILL feel so much sympathy for H. He is a mess and ruining his life. My fix-it tendencies want to reach out to him as I did last time he was out of control but this is a different situation. So no worries, am staying extremely dim (only contact re divorce stuff) and detached. Guess I am not detached as still interested in his drama but now as an onlooker.
Comments anyone? What is there to say? He is not getting off the crazy train.
Me-54 H-49 T-1. M-7 BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out OW - 3/13 OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3 OW3 - 8/17 H filed 1/17
Oh my, citygrl - he's on the crazy MLC train for sure... I think there is a stage of detachment where you feel like you're looking through a window at it all. There are a mixed bag of emotions, but less of the killer punch ones.
Sounds as if you're worried about finances and what the impact might be of his next stop on the trainline? Probably wise, even if you can't do anything about the latter.
What do you think is the next step to protect yourself legally and financially? Does Oily Olga change that?
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Ahhh. Cruise ship romance. Can't beat it, especially while away with OW2 at same time.
Have the weekend to give it some thought. Have already discussed with my lawyer the next step which was to give him a week to decide on Mediator and if haven't heard than get out the big guns and file in court.
Don't really want court option because of the expense but it will force deadlines on him. He will say that he didn't get mediator letter because he was on vacation. But every instinct tells me pregnancy is on the way and I need to act quickly. Sure Olga was on the cruise in whatever capacity trolling for a Baby Daddy and she just hooked herself a winner.
Me-54 H-49 T-1. M-7 BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out OW - 3/13 OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3 OW3 - 8/17 H filed 1/17
Threatening court might prod him as it did with my H. And normally it takes about 3-4 months before first hearing in the UK...suspect it's designed that way because a lot of folks then get motivated to reach agreement rather than have the costs of litigation.
Sounds like your gut is saying to drive the process a bit harder and quicker.
Why do you think pregnancy is an issue?
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Wow, that's quite something to go on holiday with one woman and come back with another....eek! I'm sorry if OW2 is in a slightly crazy, stalking place - but as she is finding, life tends to unfold in karmic ways, based on your earlier choices.
It is good that you are managing to rein in any fixing tendencies towards him. He's a grown man and not your life partner any more. How he chooses to manage his own life is up to him. It has certainly helped me to think that way about myself and about XH too.
I would focus on moving healthily forward with an emphasis on your own security and finances. Do what works best for you in a fair and graceful way.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
He never wanted children with his first wife, mainly driven by her.
We tried to have children but couldn't and tabled the issue. He never expressed any feelings ever towards wanting a child.
Smash, bam, boom. He and OW1 talk about having kids and he tells me that is one of the reasons he wants out of marriage. WTF? That stung big time. Never revisited that one with me.
Goes to fertility clinic last year with OW2 who is in her 40s. Nothing transpires.
Last reason is, brother's web prostitute had his child and husband likes to follow brother.....and it is standard for a lot of women (especially from the Eastern block) to get pregnant to get taken care of for life. Husband is surely flashing the cash. Not sure but she either worked on the ship or "works" the ship. My guess is the latter.
What better father than he??? Deluded. Am getting out before that.
Me-54 H-49 T-1. M-7 BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out OW - 3/13 OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3 OW3 - 8/17 H filed 1/17
I had a similar situation CityGirl. I met XH a year after he had S from his W number one. His S was 4 at the time. We dated for a couple of years then started living together. At that point, we decided I would stop taking the pill and we'd leave things in the lap of the gods. We were both in our late 30s at that point, but I never did conceive.
When he told me he wanted a D (he was heavily involved with OW in her 20s by now) - he said he loved me, I was beautiful and had been the best W possible - but he knew he needed a new family now. I think it can be one of the areas that the MLCer focuses on - and it can go either way - either wanting kids, or not wanting to be a family man/woman any more. Luckily for me (whilst I keep in touch with SS and his Mum) I don't really get to hear what XH and OW are up to - Yay!
Take care and try not to give him and his antics too much energy - just do whatever is best for you. Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
City your guy is messed up. I guess this is what the 4 year mark looks like. I can't wait. Mine, a life long anti-alcohol crusader is now drinking in addition to his AD addiction. He has just started spending money so I guess that is next. What joy.
