WAW? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! Part 2

[TBSakaJ9]

Not much new in my sitch over the past couple of days. My parents where in town until yesterday morning so it was good spending time with them and my D's. It was a little weird with my W not being there but we still had a good time. I dropped my D's off at my W's house on Wednesday and as always had a new shirt on and was looking good. The interaction was short on the sidewalk, in front of her apt but I kind of got the vibe she wanted to talk for a few. She did not initiate any conversation though so I just gave my D's a hug and kiss and left. I looked up when I was getting into my car and I did notice she looked back at me as she was opening the gate (at least I think she did).

Later on that night she sent me a text telling me how upset my youngest was because she missed G and G. Not sure why she did that but since it was not actionable I did not respond. No other interaction with her since Wed night however I will see her tonight when I pick up the kids for the weekend.

As far as GAL goes I went to the gym last night and got in a good workout, then I hit Bananna Republic for a couple of new shirts (gotta keep the wardrobe fresh!) then to CVS for a hair brush and some new hair products! Ate some dinner then started reading ... which is a pretty easy read.

Over the past week I have started to feel pretty good about myself, where I am at and what obstacles I need to overcome in my life either in this relationship or another. Looking back below are the areas I need to work on/be aware of as they are pitfalls.

1. Be more present
2. Express my feelings don't suppress them
3. Have a life outside of the marriage (do more things with guys)
4. Ask for what I want, don't settle
5. Do things for me
6. Continue to read self-help books on love, relationships, etc.

[AnotherStander]

The interaction was short on the sidewalk, in front of her apt but I kind of got the vibe she wanted to talk for a few. She did not initiate any conversation though so I just gave my D's a hug and kiss and left.

GOOD!

I looked up when I was getting into my car and I did notice she looked back at me as she was opening the gate (at least I think she did).

Next time don't look back!

1. Be more present
2. Express my feelings don't suppress them
3. Have a life outside of the marriage (do more things with guys)
4. Ask for what I want, don't settle
5. Do things for me
6. Continue to read self-help books on love, relationships, etc.

Great list, I can tell you've been reading ... Keep it up!

[TBSakaJ9]

Dam you stander........point taken...don't look back!

[TBSakaJ9]

Well, I guess some progress was made today during pick up however small it may be. I got asked how my visit was with my parents and how I was doing. Now, I don't know how much information to give but I answered "Good" to both, did not elaborate and left it that. I then said ok girls we gotta get going and told my W safe travels as she is going out of town this weekend.

Is this the appropriate level of interaction?

[TBSakaJ9]

Also let me preface by saying that I have been more solid in not responding to text messages and non actionable emails along with keeping it short at kid exchange. I don't read into this more than what it is (like she is coming out of the fog or anything) however it is the first time she has asked me how I was doing in quite a long time. She also seemed a little down, not in a good mood. I also had 1 of my new shirts on and was looking good!

[Maika]

Great to hear your W is noticing and her initiating convo sounds like a really positive step.

How are you D's dealing with the separation and living in two places and going back and forth?

By the way, that list is perfect. I've also started reading ...and it's really eye opening. Great that it's an easy read, but it's packed with lots of good information for self healing and development.

I also hope you are doing okay. Thanks for all the positive support on my thread. I think about how you're doing at least once a day.

[TBSakaJ9]

Thanks man...we shall, got a long way to go and she has been a rock and not broke throughout this process. This week I started to feel more at peace with the situation. Also starting to feel a little more calm in my interactions with her.

The ... was a good read and while I don't display all the signs I have enough of them to qualify, mainly conflict avoidance and stating my wants/needs. It definitely would have been helpful to realize these things along with the Alpha/Beta male concepts before all this occurred. Another good read is...

So far my kids seem to be doing ok. I think my youngest has had a tougher time with it than my 8 yr old. Obviously when we told them the whole family cried but mu 6 yr old asked a lot more questions. They seem happy though which obviously is most important. My W is a school teacher so with the summers off she has them all day long m-f. We arranged that I get them on W nights and every weekend. It would be nice to have some weekends off during the summer however since she has them all day long during the week at the time it felt like the right thing to do to give my W a break. I didn't want to push my luck because if she really wanted to she could make my life difficult and make me find child care during the week if we did 50/50 alternating weeks. Once school starts that will be the arrangement so here in a few weeks I will get every other weekend off.

Overall I am hanging in there.....this site has been amazing and really helps put things into perspective and also helps you understand that others are going through the same thing. I think about you as well and was rooting for you on your date or whatever you call it . I get excited when others have a positive interaction or feel their sitch is turning. I envy those people!! I spend hours day just reading and gathering information to help give me strength.

How about your kids? How are they doing? What is your arrangement like with your W?

[Maika]

Glad to hear your interactions with W are more calm for you.

Conflict avoidance and not stating my needs/wants - that is the exact same thing I got from ... I am working with my IC to become more assertive and not taking $hit.

Sounds like you have an arrangement with the kids that works for now. I am anticipating my 5 yr old to have a tougher time with this, but let's see.

My kids are away at their grandparents right now so we haven't landed on how to split the kids. W wanted to have one week with them and switch, to which I told her that that arrangement was going to be unacceptable to me. I am not spending a week without seeing them. So, it will be a split week and how we do that is still up for discussion. I want to do alternate days or half week with me and rest with W. Part of this will also depend on how kids react to the split time and what seems most comfortable and easy for them.

[Btrow]

W wanted to have one week with them and switch, to which I told her that that arrangement was going to be unacceptable to me. I am not spending a week without seeing them. So, it will be a split week and how we do that is still up for discussion. I want to do alternate days or half week with me and rest with W.

You should not make the arrangement depending on what works for you. You should do what works the best for the kids. I think alternate days and half weeks might be confusing for small kids. That's only my take on it off course. We shift mondays and I don't see them for a full week. I've gotten used to it. You will too, don't worry.

[Maika]

You should not make the arrangement depending on what works for you. You should do what works the best for the kids

Thanks Btrow. I am trying to make the arrangements taking the kids needs into account and how best for them to manage living in two different places. I am having a very difficult time with not seeing them for a whole week. That's just not what's going to work for me right now. I think the alternate days is most likely not a good idea as it's too chaotic.