Hey friends, Finally over the travel from WA to AL. I don't see how these overseas travelers make it. Wow, it was a long day. I'm still catching up.
Whatever you look to for light and good vibes and warm hugs and good karma, please send some my way this week. I'm meeting with a financial advisor tomorrow that my Mom uses, who's agreed to go over my finances with me at no charge. Then I will make appointment with my L to decide how I want to proceed. I've worked all day (and the week before I left) doing my homework, and hope I haven't left anything out that I need to request in my legal documents.
I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed, whether it's going to be a marital settlement, or a file for divorce. Lots of pros and cons both ways- two of which are if I just get the settlement, I can stay on H's medical insurance, plus since he's in a fast track to much more money in his job (and he has 9 more years to work than I, since I guess I'm a COUGAR)- I'm better off that way. Not like a divorce is going to change my life right now. We already have NC. I guess I just can't get married again yet.
Sigh. Oh well, I guess that works out, since I don't even KNOW any single men. LOL.
On the other hand, if I DO go for divorce, that ends my marriage at 13 and 1/2 years, so even if we R on down the road, and even remarried, it would affect my LENGTH OF MARRIAGE, which would affect money down the road.
So confusing, all this, and really it all boils down to protecting myself financially, since we all knew this current M was already over.
On top of that, H is supposed to use his "come to see me" airline ticket this week to fly down to see his family and go on their annual beach trip.
I truly cannot believe all this is coming in the same week. All I can say is, thank God for you Cadence, you told me to go get Xanax. That may save my sanity this week.
Thanks for any prayers, good thoughts, warm hugs, Karma darts, that anyone has any extras to send my way this week.
I WILL SURVIVE! Love you all.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
If it helps on the financial/D options, I've found so far that giving myself time really helps. Time doing other things so you're not chewing at it. It helps you tune in to what feels right/best for you and it helps you see options or ideas that weren't immediately obvious.
You are right that none of us are valued through just one person's eyes. It is also true that this was a best friend you trusted and you are having to make decisions you never thought you would. Both are true. And it's ok to feel a whole bunch of things all at the same time! Just don't let those feelings - good or not so - be driving the boat xxx
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
The soonest I can meet with lawyer again is next Monday. I met with financial guy today, and he was horrified by the draft agreement that my L sent me. It was kind of good to get the validation that it wasn't just me being picky, but bad that maybe I've chosen the wrong lawyer. Finance guy also thinks I'm not going for nearly enough, all things considered. So I'm going to take this week and look at all the numbers again.
I saw in our joint bank account that he used a shuttle service to get him from the airport today, so that means he is less than an hour from here, RIGHT NOW. I guess he leaves for the beach with his mom and sisters tomorrow. For some reason, that sent me spinning. I truly had a full out panic attack, and Xanax didn't even touch it.
My sweet D31 called right in the middle of it, and she was so precious. I said I feel like some of my support people are thinking, For God's sake, girl, get over this already. The man's not worth it, etc..... She texted me a little later and said, "I can't speak for anyone else, but I understand that we've not even had the funeral yet. So let the grief come as it needs to. Thanks for answering the phone earlier and letting me hold some space for you tonight."
On top of the rest of this lovely day, I get a call to come downtown tomorrow to meet some Dept of Education (state) main person to talk about a job opportunity. Of course, since I've been mostly binge watching TV and laying in the pool, none of my professional clothes fit. So here I go to buy an outfit. Today was a "fat" day (and you women will know what I mean) so the last place I wanted to be was in a dressing room.
BUT, I pushed through, and I'm going to look (and probably feel) like a million bucks tomorrow. (If I'll get off this forum and go hem the new pants and jacket sleeves.)
I got this.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
Ok, Leah - 3 well done stars! Go you! Taking objective advice - tick. Listening to your lovely wise daughter - tick. Braving the dressing room (and why is the lighting always so horrid too?) to prep for your meeting - tick.
Way more than a million dollars, you are above rubies x
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Knowledge is power Leah. You learned all this stuff because you are doing the right thing and not acting like a chump. Honor your successes and good luck tomorrow.
I understand why knowing H was near sent you spinning. His physical distance also allowed you some psychological distance, and now it feels like you don't have either. But that's just a feeling and you can talk yourself through it.
Good luck on your job chat, Leah. You can do anything you put your mind to. Walk into that meeting showing that you are strong, intelligent, and capable, because you are all of those things!
I just found out that they aren't leaving for the beach until tomorrow. That means he is 45 minutes away, and doesn't care enough to see me, with a whole free day and night in front of him.
The pain of that feels enormous right now, overwhelming, consuming, like fire. I'm trying everything- exercise, self talk, meditation, soft music, soothing candles, and I can't stop the tears.
This grief is actually physical. My whole body yearns for him. OH GOD, please let this end soon. I've never known true heart break until now.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
Can you go do something for you? Make a new friend? I am sorry you are having a rough day.
(as to the conversation about lawyers...obviously look into if you deserve more but too often lawyers bring these things up because they can then make more money...the more conflict between the different sides the longer the process and the more they make...) --> translation: if you want to just get this over with maybe just getting it over with allows you the freedom to move on.
