Sold the family home yesterday. We got a really good offer and we're walking away with a little bit of money.
Should feel like something one would celebrate, but it feels like a funeral to me.
I was with the W when we were parsing through some of the offers. Once we did the deal, she leaned over and gave me a kiss, which I did not reciprocate. Totally taken aback about how she would think this was something kiss-worthy - W shattered everything.
We go back to her porch in a few minutes and have a smoke and she gets emotional and starts crying. I really wanted to do some kind of validation, but I was in no mood. I just smoked my cigarette and let her deal with her emotions. After I was done, I said goodbye and left.
Maika...I agree with everything you have done. You are much stronger than me......it sounds like she is really trying to feel you out and where you stand in the entire situation. Hopefully she will give in and give you a sign that she is willing to work on it.
That's kind of you to say. It's weird but I don't feel strong at all. It's like my whole body is all jelly. I think I am acting 'as if' and pretending well enough for her to see this as believable.
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it sounds like she is really trying to feel you out and where you stand in the entire situation.
Just after the aftermath of the DB, I told her at least three times point blank that I love her, I don't want the separation, I don't want a divorce, and I am willing to be critical of what I did to get our marriage here and roll up my sleeves to do the hard work. Every single time she either said she wants a separation, or was completely silent.
After coming across this site, I stopped everything and immediately implemented Sandi's rules and DBing. I got some quick reactions to it which reinforced that this is going to work - if not for bringing the M back, but for my sanity.
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Hopefully she will give in and give you a sign that she is willing to work on it.
I'm leaving a small shred of hope tucked away in the back of my heart, but I am working very hard on having no expectations and completely detaching.
I was with the W when we were parsing through some of the offers. Once we did the deal, she leaned over and gave me a kiss, which I did not reciprocate. Totally taken aback about how she would think this was something kiss-worthy - W shattered everything.
Yeah that is a strange reaction for sure. I guess it was her way of thanking you for letting the sale proceed, who knows. They do strange things sometimes.
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We go back to her porch in a few minutes and have a smoke and she gets emotional and starts crying. I really wanted to do some kind of validation, but I was in no mood. I just smoked my cigarette and let her deal with her emotions. After I was done, I said goodbye and left.
Good reaction. I don't think validation was really called for after she just forced you into selling your home. Validation has its place but sometimes silence speaks volumes.
It sounds like your changes have been noticed, just difficult to believe at this point. These changes need to be made for you and your kids. They need to be long lasting and sincere. Prove that to yourself and anyone else through your actions, not your words.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
W has been pretty good about not coming over to the matrimonial home unannounced and letting me know when she's coming and what she needs to do. But, yesterday was interesting.
So kids are with the in-laws while sort this separation stuff out. The kids texted me and left me a VM with a heartbreaking message about how they miss me and hope that they come back soon home. I know they also sent it to W and left her a VM as well - they mentioned it in the VM. It hit me really hard about how their reality is going to be turned upside down when we break the news to them and they realize their home is no more.
Without a doubt this hit W very hard - she has been agonizing over what to tell the kids and is full of guilt.
The kids left the message late afternoon. W had texted me earlier in the day that she is going to come over to get some stuff and will text me so that I am "not surprised."
I had plans for the evening and so I just went ahead and didn't receive a text from her. When I got back, it was obvious she had come over.
I know my GALing has her believing that I am out with someone or that I am hanging out with another woman - not the case, but I am not offering any explanations. I think she wanted to see if she would 'catch' me with someone at home.
Also, she might've wanted to connect emotionally about the kids, which I have space for to do with her right now. I am glad that I wasn't home when she came, but her guilt is probably building up and I am not around as her emotional support.
I know I am speculating and I need to just detach from whatever she's doing. I am doing that, but her actions are a bit all over the place.
If she comes unannounced again, I will enforce the boundary. I doubt she will, but you never know.
My W called me last night about needing to come over to the house and pick up my D's basketball for her practice. I told her I wasn't home but to go ahead and go on in. I was actually at the gym......I quit reading into stuff like this. When she starts to ask me where I am or was then I might start to think the tides are changing
