Finding my way in the dark

[Holding]

Anyway I can't remember if chapter 1 is the same in both books regarding the friends and family situation. I'll try to check that this weekend.

I just checked for myself, and yes, this is discussed in DR in the first chapter as well. Looks like I need to re-read!

[Holding]

I'm doing better with not being bothered with W when she's constantly on her phone in front of me. I simply imagine that instead she's smearing excrement all over herself.

W got SUPER drunk last night, sitting around the house with me and our sons. I expected she was about to pull something, but instead she passed out and ended up worshiping the porcelain god for about an hour in the middle of the night. Sad.

I've been doing more GAL with friends and my sons. Joined the local Y and take S10 with me all the time. I haven't always been the best husband, but I still think I'm a good father. She can never take that away from me!

[Holding]

One thing I forgot to mention, on Friday before W got totally wasted at home, she met with the MC on her own. This is the MC who sent me the email that said "Give yourself time to grieve, your R with W is over. But you are working on a new one". This is their first session since the email. I wonder if they discussed it, and the drinking was W's reaction to it. I know - stop reading the tea leaves. I never said anything to W about getting drunk, other than "So you had a real rough night last night."

I've been having doubts about whether LRT is right for me. A part of me thinks I'm doing real harm in the MR by pulling away and letting W do the initiating. One of the main reason's I'm in this sitch is because of my poor communication skills in the MR and basically not talking to her. Of course, after BD I did a complete 180 and pursued like crazy - which didn't help. But I guess I just need reassurance about this marathon, and how it's not a sprint.

[doodler]

But I guess I just need reassurance about this marathon, and how it's not a sprint.

I've got this one...


holding,

It's a marathon, not a sprint.

[Holding]

Thanks doodler! Couldn't have navigated that issue without you

So, future plans. I know discussing the future is not a good idea. W has it in her head to take the kids on a trip with her next year. She's discussed this several times and has never included me in the plans. She's started talking about details with me, but I'm never part of the plan. I've just responded with "Cool, looks fun!" and stuff like that. I suspect she's baiting me, so I've just been letting it roll off my back. And advice?

[OwnIt]

Start planning your own trip.

[Cristy]

I've been having doubts about whether LRT is right for me. A part of me thinks I'm doing real harm in the MR by pulling away and letting W do the initiating. One of the main reason's I'm in this sitch is because of my poor communication skills in the MR and basically not talking to her. Of course, after BD I did a complete 180 and pursued like crazy - which didn't help. But I guess I just need reassurance about this marathon, and how it's not a sprint.

Hello holding,

It is going to sound like an echo around here...

Yes, it is a marathon, not a sprint.

LRT is truly the last resort. Discussing your current situation with a DB Coach is the best way to determine if this is the best next step for you.

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[leahsue]

^^^^ hilarious!

[AnotherStander]

I've been having doubts about whether LRT is right for me. A part of me thinks I'm doing real harm in the MR by pulling away and letting W do the initiating. One of the main reason's I'm in this sitch is because of my poor communication skills in the MR and basically not talking to her.

DB'ing is really, really hard because it is counterintuitive. It requires us to do the opposite of what we -think- we should do. Every fiber of our being is screaming "PURSUE!" But you've done that and like you said, it didn't work. What works in a healthy relationship does not work in a broken R. You're in a broken R right now and the rules have changed. Trust in DB'ing.

[Holding]

Thanks for the replies!

OwnIt, I like your idea of planning my own trip. But that little hopeful part of me thinks I'd be shooting myself in the foot. After all, why wouldn't I want to make it a family vacation if the opportunity presents itself?

AS, thanks for the encouragement. DB'ing would be so much easier if this little hopeful part of me didn't keep popping up.

I honestly don't know where this hope keeps coming from. I really don't see much in my situation to be hopeful about. Is this hope I'm feeling just a form of denial, where I just refuse to accept what's happening?