You've established the infidelity for legal purposes, should it be necessary to show it in court. And it might be necessary, as even in some no-fault jurisdictions, adultery is grounds to deny alimony.
So now quit snooping, quit obsessing and follow TxHubby's advice. It may nor may not save your marriage, but it will save you, and it will set you up to start living a great life that you love.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Tread: I'm not totally familiar with your sitch (sorry). From what I know you've already confronted her once about the A/OM. Doing it again will make you sound like a broken record.
Don't do anything drastic and keep your mouth shut.
I've noticed that when W has baited me into old fights or I bring them up - she get's this look of self righteousness on her face or a "here we go again".
Listen to everyone here - make small consistent changes - you will feel great.
I took on everything - home renovations, cooking, baking, physical fitness, I bought a motorcycle. Bad news, 18 months in - still no closer to reconciling. Good News - I'm ready for D if that's what's in the cards.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/28/1703:30 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Good point. At this point it's time to seriously detach. The GAL I do now has helped and also has gained her attention. But I need to do more for myself. Any suggestions on handling a W who has no intent on leaving the home?
AnotherStander,
A lawyer gave me that advice early when the A first started, but I do have more than enough evidence at this point and Will stop. But I am considering confronting W and her sister, letting them both know that I know she still on contact with OM. Since OM is her sisters cousin.
Bigybiz,
Not sure if I should completely keep my mouth shut. But my W has said here we go again every time I catch her. Using that as a deflection to throw off the conve rsation from her getting caught doing dirt. But I may just keep it at I know that your still having a PA with OM.
Good point. At this point it's time to seriously detach. The GAL I do now has helped and also has gained her attention. But I need to do more for myself. Any suggestions on handling a W who has no intent on leaving the home?
AnotherStander,
A lawyer gave me that advice early when the A first started, but I do have more than enough evidence at this point and Will stop. But I am considering confronting W and her sister, letting them both know that I know she still on contact with OM. Since OM is her sisters cousin.
Bigybiz,
Not sure if I should completely keep my mouth shut. But my W has said here we go again every time I catch her. Using that as a deflection to throw off the conve rsation from her getting caught doing dirt. But I may just keep it at I know that your still having a PA with OM.
You don't really want her to leave the home unless you're done and want to D. If not then it's good to give her a front row seat for your GAL. That, however, means you need to crank it up a notch. Seriously. What were your dreams when you were 17? Before marriage and life got in the way? What activities did you give up for the marriage that you miss? Do them. It's your t  ime now. As for her being there, be cordial, but very "as if" and don't have a lot of time available for her. She can do her thing, you do yours. You'll get a response, especially since you've seen her already notice your GAL. Hit the gym, eat right, be very positive and confident, dress to kill (this was big for me, I was a cargo shorts, t-shirt, and running shoes guy 99% of the time). Build that new life. The life you want. You may not even want her in it. If it's that good that can happen sometimes. It's not hard. These are things you can do right away. Be a man that women will be attracted to and you'll find that women are attracted to you. Don't be negative. Don't lament. Don't be mopey. Don't over-engage with her. Treat her like a neighbor that you're cordial and friendly with but don't really know and don't have much interest in getting to know.
BTW, when you catch her in lies or carrying on with OM just chuckle, say good luck with all that, and walk away. Take the attitude that you're watching a trashy guest on the Jerry Springer show and getting a chuckle out of it. That works too but don't engage. Don't get sucked into anything. If she really wants to chang e her life then when breakdown happens you'll know it's legit. You just will.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/28/1705:08 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
