Glad you updated. Happy belated bday! Lady friends are the best! Nothing more therapeutic than time with girlfriends, I say. Another silver lining in my messy sitch was that I learned who my real friends were (and also who wasn't). When chit hits the fan and you need to cry about the same thing 100 days in a row, true friends are there and keep you afloat. It will never be forgotten.
I think it was nice of him to send the flowers. A simple thank you is more than enough. I don't know what it means either, but I don't see a useful reason to speculate. I think you are starting to detach because you were able to not speculate and over analyze. It's perfectly okay to accept what's in front of you and not attribute too much meaning to it. That's healthy and good.
In terms of your new feelings, I can remember having those first moments. My goodness what a relief! The first glass of cold water on that hot, hot thirsty day! I would agree that it is a sign of detachment. Welcome it. Embrace it. Also know that if it wanders off for a bit, that is okay too. Nothing is smooth or linear in this process. That's why we call it a roller coaster.
I tend to think those initial feelings of detachment can feel so strong because 1. they are new and the relief is so great, 2. after so much heartache, you naturally build a wall and become numb. Thats fine too; your heart needs protecting. We can look at war refugees and think, "my gawd, how did they survive and are still going on?" People (all of us) are more resilient than we can ever know.
If you believe you can continue to detach, you will. If you doubt yourself or feel sad again, that is okay too.
You will be great because you ARE great already!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Hey everyone, happy 4th! I'm really feeling very proud of myself this week.
Since the birthday, flowers, my just saying "thank you", but not gushing on and on.... he has been silent. But I HAVE BEEN FINE WITH THAT.
That's the amazing part. In fact, I have stayed busy all week, even have some job opportunities lined up for later in July. Today I was out getting some things for the house, and really enjoyed it. He did try to call while I was out, but I waited a couple of hours and then texted- I can't answer phone right now but I will return your call later today or maybe tomorrow. Of course, he didn't respond, but I don't think I am going to return the call. The way I'm thinking is, I did not ignore his call, but I just forgot to call back, or was too busy GALing 4th of July parties, and whoops, just didn't get around to calling.
Today I bought curtains for my living room, which I had hesitated about b/c they already had these beautiful plantation shutters when I bought the house... but I've been having trouble with the echo in the room- cathedral ceilings and hardwood floors, so very hard to hear the TV, etc. So I bought some, hung them myself, and I can't stop looking at them! Plus now I can hear the TV so much clearer! Oh the joy of the simple things in life.
Oh, and this week I also went to sod farm, bought sod, brought it home, and laid it in my little magical garden in the back yard. I'm treating it like a baby, but honestly, I have to stop myself from just sitting out there watching everything grow and bloom. It's amazing.
Tomorrow I'm headed to hometown place to spend rest of holiday with sister and BIL, skiing and tubing on the alligator infested Alabama River. If any of you know the BLT song "Pontoon", well that's us the next few days, although the weather does not want to cooperate. I'm looking forward to fun, and living, and I think that's what my healthiest option is, at this point.
Be well, my friends. Just wanted to post so Y'ALL don't forget me.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
And that, my friend, is detaching! I am so proud of you, I wish I as there to smother you in a hug. The GAL really is the trick to properly detaching. When we stop hinging everything on our WAS's behavior/texts/words then we can heal. You are important, you matter, and your WAH is a fool not to see your worth. I found when I put the focus on my friends and family and stopped hinging everything on whether or not WH was going to be there then I detached.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
It's a good thing I detached as much as I have...... he is having an affair.
The same man who couldn't pull himself away from work for even a weekend to come to see me, has just spent the last 6 days in the Dominican Republic, presumably with the woman he texts literally day and night since about the end of March. (And yes, I broke into his phone records when I found out where he was, b/c sometimes you just need to know.)
I'm seeing an attorney Monday to file for divorce.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
It seems you detached which helps lessen the blow. In my situation I found out about OM when I was in full on non-detachment mode. And I am still not detached. So it keeps hurting.
Much strength Leah! It seems you detached which helps lessen the blow.
A huge essential lesson here is that detachment does not just happen. It takes effort and renewal (and is not linear. Backslides happen).
As Leah has shown in just the past 10 days, she is GAL and triggering the detachment. (You go girl!) I do not know a way to detach without GAL and that requires getting out of our ruts, overcoming inertia and pushing our comfort zones big time.
But I've never seen GAL being unhelpful or felt any regret. I've always been glad to get the heck out and push myself.
It is hard and the pain lingers and sometimes slaps me out of nowhere.
But I get back up faster and for longer. And I can see that in time, I will have more happiness now than I would have, if I had stayed in limbo.
Knowing that about my future, helps me today.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
