Gut is telling me she will be coming up with D talk again. Gut was right about her moving out while I was gone and the A. She has brought it up several times but I begged, pleaded, said we were soul mates etc. Obviously I did the wrong thing. Even if I wanted to do the wrong thing now I couldn't. I have no more energy for it. As much as I want to see her, I wouldn't even know what to say I'm so exhausted emotionally. Outside of my marriage, my life is picking up for the good so that's something to be proud of. Trying to read up on love. Yeah I know, its silly. Come to find out, I show everyone love by acts of service. I'm terrible with physical affection, except sex (W has told me I used her for sex). Terrible with words of affirmation. Those were her two and I suspect the same for most women. I find it very hard to express my self.
Anyways, can someone review my response? I don't want to ruin anything or burn any bridges but I know it my heart I need serious work and time before my wife would even reconsider.
Wife: Dale1657, I think divorce is the right thing. I gave you 7 years and determined you wont be able to give me what I need to make me happy. I love you and you deserve the world but we just aren't right for each other.
Me: I'm sorry you feel this way wife. This is not what I want but I will no longer try to stop you. Maybe the future will have something different in store.
Guaranteed she will tell me by email or text. She breaks down in person or over phone.
Is this too nice? I want it direct and have no time to backtrack. I read the book for a second time. Im totally focused on my life now but I would like to buy some time to either show her a new Dale1657 or be mostly fine in the event of a divorce. I did indeed wait to long to DB but hey we are both still alive and kicking. Worst outcome is me cleaning up my act so I guess there are no losers.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Anyways, can someone review my response? I don't want to ruin anything or burn any bridges but I know it my heart I need serious work and time before my wife would even reconsider.
Wife: Dale1657, I think divorce is the right thing. I gave you 7 years and determined you wont be able to give me what I need to make me happy. I love you and you deserve the world but we just aren't right for each other.
Me: I'm sorry you feel this way wife. This is not what I want but I will no longer try to stop you. Maybe the future will have something different in store.
Is this too nice?
No I don't think so, but I would maybe pull out the last line about the future. Here is pretty much what I told my W, but this was face-to-face, not text (text seems too impersonal to me for a critical convo like this): "I would like you to stay and work on our marriage, but I understand that is not what you want and I am not going to force you to. I want you to be happy and if you think leaving is what is going to make you happy then I support your decision." That approach is actually a combination of DB'ing and suggestions from a Chuck Swindoll book (his book is also where the "open the cage door" comment comes from that you see mentioned a lot on here). Definitely a difficult convo to have, but it's the healthiest approach in my opinion.
Thanks! I like that and I will look up that book. I'm with you, I would rather face to face as well. W couldn't face me when she left or about A. 90% chance she will do that with D too if it comes to that.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Maybe I'm being a little bit negative but I'm so burnt out. Do have a feeling D talk is coming though. Maybe being burnt out is a good thing since I'm basically starting from scratch.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Thanks! I like that and I will look up that book. I'm with you, I would rather face to face as well. W couldn't face me when she left or about A. 90% chance she will do that with D too if it comes to that.
I wish I could remember the name of the book, it escapes me. I looked online and searched my Amazon purchase history but don't see it. Maybe someone else will chime in. It's a really great book to read that has many parallels to DB'ing. There's a great chapter in there on chase/ pursuit too.
Darn it, hit 'submit' by accident on that last post. "Love Must be Tough" by James Dobson. No wonder I couldn't find it, Chuck Swindoll didn't write it
Got it thanks. I'm a amazon junky and it was cheap so that's done. I'm an outside guy but its on 19 days of straight rain here with another 5 to 7 likely. I'll just continue reading.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Dang it, I knew the eerie silence was something. W just texted me and asked me to send over her w2s. We all know what that means. I had to ask her twice and she finally admitted she and bf are going look for houses. Guess the chapter is finally coming to an end. Hopefully my new chapter can began well. This stinks but I figured it was coming.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Dale, it's only really over when you decide it's over and you have no more hope left in you, because it's always possible, as long as you both are living, that the two of you could get back together. I don't see this as a huge change in your situation. They were already living together. They are looking to live somewhere else now.
Are you still supposed to go on a trip with her?
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
