25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3

[OwnIt]

25--download the burner app on your phone. You will then pick the area code you want and it will give you phone number choices. You give that number out to the potential pervs. If they are, block them. If you are still getting offensive calls (blocks are very easy to avoid) then just burn that number and start all over again. Easy as pie. Rings into your regular phone.

[25yearsmlc]

25,

Another old-timer coming out here (Hi, Advina!).

I've taken a lot from your recent posts - so thank you sincerely for taking the time to let us know about the next phase of your journey.

I am in a similar position to that described by you - and although in a different country, I suspect the MLC response will be the same.

Mine refused to pay court-ordered child support (which specifically detailed school fees).

He is self-employed and consistently maintained that he earned less than minimum wage (while travelling the world, holding memberships at exclusive clubs, and leasing a luxury car).

Child support agency tries to chase him, but he is too slippery.

as a L, this^^ has always annoyed me. Really annoyed me. The laws SAY we get "X" amount but if all the guy has to do is lie with impunity, who cares what the laws say?

You have to wonder if the people writing these laws knew that...okay I don't want to get too conspiratorial but this problem is NOT new


My youngest son recently turned 18 and qualified for 'Adult Child Maintenance' because he is at university.
Ex-H refused to pay, as he says he doesn't earn any money.

Son now has to sue his father via a legal-aid lawyer in an attempt to get some assistance.

how lovely for your son. Btw, my s30 is a good young man. So help me if he ever pulled this crap on his future family, yours truly would be out there in a heartbeat..."splainin' to him"

I know he won't pay, but like the outstanding child support payments, once 'on the books', in my country, these debts never disappear. If necessary, they are taken out of a deceased estate. If there is anything left when he dies, I think that's the only way my kids will see their money.

there is something to be said for having it "official" in some way. I understand and you never know, maybe there's a treasure there. In h's case, his father is quite wealthy and I DO want my FIL to know that his youngest grandchild is being cut off.

God only knows what h has been telling his family.

Our twist on Alaska is that ex-H has moved permanently to a third-world country (living in a hotel). When my son contacted him recently to give him a heads-up about his responsibility to contribute to university costs, ex-H said that he'd had to move b/c it was 'too heartbreaking for him to live in the same city as his kids (sob, sob)."

I had to read this^^ a few times to grasp it. So, your son would be NEAR his dad and so now your ex h must move??

Okay...so if I have that right, it means your x is either a criminal and or a what?? I mean, who hides from their kids?

My h ran, but I would THINK if my kids were there...well, come to think of it, h would have to hide that he's still working at the same place but hiding income.

Good grief, who did we marry?


Basically, it was a case of "Poor me, my kids don't want to have anything to do with me...I think I see them around the city all the time; I can't get them out of my mind.. I feel sad. = They have made me run away."

In his defense, when asked by S18 for some support to attend university, ex-H immediately suggested S take a gap year (he was already 5 months in to first semester) and he would pay for him to come out to Cambodia and live with him. They could travel all around to neighbouring countries and have a great time!

well, that only makes sense in the "Good times" buddy buddy I'm not really a dad, way.

Or I'm wrong and have to reconsider. It just makes no sense with the other "now i have to move".

You'd think your x would lie about why he's moving. Like "oh I got a small buy paying job ELSEWHERE ..."

and not make it so personal.


Just no point even trying to reason with them.... It's such a strange pattern is it not?

Strange but evidently not rare. So here are a few random remarks...


1) don't try to put a rational spin on irrational behavior

2) even if we had a crystal ball that could (accurately) see into their minds, the things we would see would still not necessarily "make sense" - events that did not happen as they believe or did not mean what they believe,

AND the emotions & thoughts we understood would change the next day/week/month and back again! Not that valuable a tool.

3) the hardest pain to accept is usually pain we don't understand. So we get bogged down into trying to make sense of things.

In some cases it's just a waste of time. I mean that more than I ever have.

My dear friend LC, lost her 22 y/o son last fall, out of nowhere. On his way to a job interview. He was athletic and it turns out he had an unknown cardiac defect that only affects 1 in 500,000 and it presented without symptoms and he's gone. Dropped down, said he couldn't breathe and had a heart attack at age 22. The end.

This friend has tried so hard to make sense of this enormous loss. She sends ME good thoughts and cards and book suggestions as both our lives have changed dramatically.

(Trust me, I'd rather be me than her). She's such a kind person.

Point is, there's no "Sense" to her son's death. She has one other child and a h. And decades left of life.

She informed me that some sharks can only live if they keep moving b/c their gills/lungs don't work without movement. They have to keep moving or they will die.

We have to keep moving forward or we will be stuck and that will be terrible for our kids AND ourselves. Life is so short and tomorrow is promised to no one.

I believe with all my heart that the best thing we can do for our kids is live well and be at peace.

That's my goal for me and for them. Figuring out how is my task.

But get those CS debts on the books. You never know.

Do you ever ponder about when your son marries, what your h will think or do. If he will be invited?

Will he Send a card with a big check and feel like all is well that ends well??

Good grief.

[25yearsmlc]

25--download the burner app on your phone. You will then pick the area code you want and it will give you phone number choices. You give that number out to the potential pervs. If they are, block them. If you are still getting offensive calls (blocks are very easy to avoid) then just burn that number and start all over again. Easy as pie. Rings into your regular phone.

So I take my iPhone I have in my paws now, and I download a free app? And then I choose a number from their options, and if someone uses that number it rings on my phone?

AND I will know it is coming to that "burner" Number, so it can only be one of the men I give my number to, right?

And when do I pay and to whom?

[25yearsmlc]

PS

THANK YOU

and also, should I keep a gallery of dic pics? IF so, where to post them, as this does not seem like the appropriate place? Maybe We should ask Ellie

[OwnIt]

Yes the app is free, but you have to pay for the number. You pay through your itunes account if you have an iphone and however you normally pay for apps if you don't. Easy as pie. Takes a minute. I think it is like $5.99 per month for a number.

[OwnIt]

But yes, you have the operation of the thing down.

I would really hate to see that gallery. Having married young and been faithful for 25 years, I haven't been exposed to many.

[Ginger1]

I pretty much zero out an dic pics, bathroom or gym selfies. Oh, and the guy who took a pick of butt as his profile pic.

Let me tell you about my last online date. All I have to offer is a laugh unfortunately. His profile said his last R was 10+ years. He asked me about mine on the date, so I asked him about his. Well, that 10+ years was with God he tells me. He just left the priesthood. Then he says to me "you are pretty hot" and I could think is "a priest just told me I am hot.....eeeeewwww!" At the conclusion of the date he tried to shove his tongue down my throat. LORD HELP ME!

They haven't been all bad. I think I only made it to date 4 with one guy, but we all know him as the inappropriate plumber.

I have friends who were very successful with online dating. Went on to marry and have kids.

When I come out of my depression, I plan to maybe give it another shot.

Another suggestion when online dating. You get what you pay for. In my age range, I have realized the free apps have more dic pics and guys looking to get laid.

[Georgiabelle]

Hi 25,

I'm sorry your soon to be x is being an a44hat. You are a funny, kind, smart lady and I have no doubt that things will work themselves out and you will be stronger on the other side. Still, it hurts and it is bizarre being betrayed by someone we thought we would be with until death. It can make one wonder if it was all a façade, but in reality, you know it was real.

I am of a different school of thought than some. I don't necessarily think people "regret" their decisions. They may no like the outcome because it isn't what they wanted. However, I believe people don't make their decisions lightly and it has been well thought out. Regardless of how outlandish it is! I know people who have been married to their affair partners for 10 plus years and have kids with them. Eh, I think sometimes we wish karma would get them (or that they feel repercussions for their actions)but in reality, maybe they don't truly feel the loss because they didn't value what they had? And initially, I think that is what I wanted for my ex. I am so ashamed to admit that. It did not take long for me to realize that is too exhausting for me to concern myself with. I have realized people do what they do. Every thing we ALL do has repercussions (good or bad) and as long as we can live with the consequences or outcome, then that is on us. I wish ex Mr. GB no ill will and hope that he finds peace for himself. Whatever that looks like is on him. I have to focus on my peace:)Sorry, I hijacked.

Can't help with online dating. I only did it for about 3 weeks and I had been eyeing the person I went out with as he worked in my building. However, I think it would be fun if one just relaxes and enjoys themselves. I have known some people to have great success and others have just had fun and used it as one avenue of meeting peeps.

Hope the holiday was nice:)

[25yearsmlc]

not sure why but I am really feeling STUCK.

The Gross divorce crap continues and I feel almost helpless, which we all hate feeling.

Like the other shoe is going to drop. H cancelling out d19's college tuition rings in my head, as does the legal problem we have to deal with in late June (which infuriates me and which I believe h does not know of).

the refusal to pay me support or even the half of the pension he knows & agrees I'm entitled to (is it a game??) and his zero communication about why or what is happening, or when something will be sent,

all make my stomach churn. OH and I need to get a job, too...and be healthy...

Topping it off was that my s30 seems to want me to rush thru all this, and

just be GLAD I'm out of an unloving and that the m "ended long ago" (which hurts and angers and triggers me)

and that I need to address why I didn't see that or why I put up with crap so long, etc.

there are 3 parts of this^^ that strike me.

1) s30 has no idea what unraveling a 35 year marriage & life is like, nor can he really. But I'm positive h and i once had a very strong marriage, - that it was real, for many years...(& yes, rather pathetically I did verify this with others)

and

2) s30 wants to see me happy and at peace, which I get. And appreciate.

and

3) and there is some truth to s30's remark about my need to only look forward, eventually learn to see more upsides to this divorce, and not ruminate at all,

but maybe what troubles me is that s30 saw things I did not see. WTF? I think I'm so self aware...

YES I know I saw things s30 did not, (good and bad) and what happens between a couple who raise children together and build a life from nothing, and from being impoverished, are things no child of theirs can ever really know.

But what about MY blindness? The money maneuvering h has been doing for at least 7 months or longer (gross )

still leave me reeling.

My worst fear is that h will grab onto our retirement savings which I am not old enough to access. And they'll be gone.

I know it's not supposed to happen and yes the divorce filing petition says not to do it

but so what?? I feel like my lawyer (the junior one) is wimpier than I expected or seems powerless. I am loathe to find a new one at this point, but geez...

[DonH]

Online dating? I could not resist throowing in my two cents. I've tried it several times over the years and can only report it went from bad to worse. Perhaps it's me? I swear I've sent at least 50 emails over the time I tried - maybe 75? I rarely even got a response. If I did, I'd find someone claiming they want someone like me - naming interests, politics, age, wants, etc. then I'd get back "I don't think we are a match." I'd be like, huh? How can I fit 10 of the 12 things on your list and not even be worth chatting with? Then to top it off, the few that did message me were so beyond anyone I'd even consider for two seconds. I'd be like, really??? This is what it's come to? Some would message for weeks amd then disappear. I did meet a few but there was just no connection other than one who I would at least have gone out with a second time. She didn't even respond when I texted after the date. So, at least for me it's been worse than real life. I'm dumbfounded how people report long term Rs or even marriage with the first people they met online. Hopefully you'll do better than I have.