Why not try something different? You have two avenues that you can try: 1) stop asking him about the divorce and sit quietly. He thinks he is in control and has power over you right now because you want him to do something and he's not doing it. In a way, it looks like you are pleading w/him...so stop for a while and see what happens...or...2) take control and set up an appointment with a mediator and get the ball rolling yourself and advise him of your decision on how to handle things.
Me, personally, I would try #1 first and that doesn't work, take back the control over your life and do what you think you need to do to get the ball rolling. Why? Because many of the MLCers will drag their feet and hope that the LBS will sick and tired of them sitting and doing nothing and will do the work. Sometimes you have to do it if you are tired of asking and waiting for them to do something.
Nee, it's all up to you...but you do have some avenues you can try.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Nee, I don't think asking for him to see a lawyer is pursuing, but it is making it real for him. If I want mine to suddenly be super sweet, all I have to do is ignore a few texts or tell him I'm done and whamo, instant change-o. Like Job said, the second they feel you are secure, they bolt off again. Stick to your guns and don't go down that path with him. A few nice words from his fear of abandonment don't make a changed man.
My weekend was relatively quiet. As I said on my thread he sent me a couple of updates about his time with my S. Not something he has done before. Mine never says anything sweet or personal. Just the tone changes from monster to Mr. Nice Guy. I've been getting Mr. Nice Guy a while. I think it is because he is in the honeymoon stage with OW2. Once that starts getting rocky (and of course it will) he will either be VERY nice to me or bait me for a fight. He'll take supply any way he can get it.
I should have a week of pure calm now because he is back on shift. I'm looking forward to it. Trying to get the kids to finish out the school year successfully.
Hope the job is going well and you are moving forward for you. Time and distance will make the emotions quiet for you.
I'm going to take your advice and start with not asking for the divorce. I'm not able to pay for a mediator right now, so I'll have to wait on that one. I'm starting a new job tomorrow and I'm hoping that will keep busy to where I'm not obsessed with starting the paperwork for the divorce.
I def do not want him to see me wanting a divorce as a reconciliation attempt. I also don't want him to try and reconcile. One thing I don't like about NC is that they feel like they have control again when we absolutely have to respond. I hate that I needed his money the other day when I took the dog to the vet. I had to text him and I did NOT want to.
I hope you do have a calm week ahead of you. It's so nice to be able to avoid any nonsense for a brief time. Their temporary niceness gets on my nerves because it's never sincere. It's nauseating sometimes.
I start my new job tomorrow! I'm getting my things together for a nice first day without any interferences. I'm a little nervous but that'll pass.
Congratulations on the new job. You are going to do just fine!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
That's means a lot. I'm getting more excited as the day goes by.
Job,
Wait exactly is baiting? Is it only to start a fight? I don't know why I need this explained..? I feel like I'm the one who starts all the fights, but that's only when the OW comes in my head. I don't do it nearly as often, but I still do it sometimes.
Baiting can mean any number of things: 1) to push your buttons to get a physical as well as emotional reaction from you; 2) to wind you up to the point that you can't think straight; and 3) when they get your attention and you start to warm up and chase after them again and again and get slam dunked each and every time. Some personality disorders love getting reactions out of their kibbles supply sources because this feeds their ego, i.e., especially when you react just the way they want.
Think about fishing...you bait the hook and the fish comes along and swallows the bait, i.e., hook, line and sinker. We are all guilty of snapping up the bait from their lines.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
fighting only fuels his negatives. And it drains you.
Put the stop sign in your mind if the OW thoughts get to you, and redirect your brain to your new job, your fun peeps and your dogs, etc.
It does get easier
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
