I'm glad you are sharing. She is repeating the same exact cycle. It's your chance to break the cycle if you don't want to go through this again.
This is not your failure to keep the family together. It takes 2. She is very unhealthy. She needs to get herself well before you have any chance at success.
Im just a giant ball of emotions today. It almost feels simliar to the bomb drop. I felt like I was getting stronger but recent chats and the fact this is her last week here is really killing me.
There's a sense of panic happening for me and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's my instinct to fix things before it's too late and she drives off forever?
In the past, she would leave and I would go NC. This time I've seen her remorse and tears. I can clearly see the good parts of W in there when I talk to her. I can see the vulnerability in her eyes. I can see she still loves me, she tells me everyday.
How do you let go of someone that you love and that you know still loves you?
I would have to agree with Ginger1 on this one. I'm sure its going to be one of the hardest things you do, but will possibly be the best thing to do at this point.
Good luck this week my friend!
M: 37 W: 36 T: 16 M: 11 D2: 8,3 PA: 2015 WAW: 2016 W Filed: 2017 2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
Thanks for all your responses. This is W and D's last week here. I'm really struggling as we get closer to next Saturday when she leaves for Arizona. totally natural to feel this way^^^ More relationship talk with W last night and this morning. is there a way to STOP all this talk? Honestly it is just her swirling and trying to drag you down with her.
She has done this 3 times. Don't start having amnesia. IMO is there is a way to reconcile it'll be by letting her GO and see the grass is not greener.
If she panics and stops before departure, I feel certain this will happen again and again
but if you let her go see for herself on her own, how great life is without Thornton,
she'll either be fine and this is over anyhow, (but sooner)
or she'll learn something valuable. I don't even think she can come back to you without leaving.
If that happens, cross that bridge when you get to it.
She is a nervous wreck. She keeps complaining about hyperventilating and that she's having trouble breathing due to her anxiety. She's also very paranoid about me finding someone else. She told me this morning that she has been having dreams of me meeting someone new and it tears her apart.
none of this^^ belongs to you. It's her sandbox and I would not be very interested in hearing it from her if I were you.
Seriously - set a boundary. To have the WAW guilt the LBH this way is an unhealthy dynamic.
Don't keep it going.
She is also trying to convince me that her mother was never out to get me. I dont beleive that for a second and told her I have always swam against the current when it came to her mom. Her mother wants W all to herself so they can live like sisters and raise D. You are taking the bait^^^....just let it all go. None of this^^^ is within your control.
I thought I was feeling stronger the last few weeks but it feels like I'm coming unglued. I won't break down and ask her to stay. But I am just heart broken that this happened.
I hear you. I feel like I'm back to idealizing W
don't idealize a woman who has done this now, 3 times. Redirect your thinking.
and feeling like I'm a failure that I couldn't keep my family intact.
Stop^^^.....you don't have kids together and it's a 5 year m. You were not always miserable before you met your W and you won't always be miserable without her.
More importantly, Your own d is near you, right? You are a father to her and that's a family relationship.Also, You can always stay in touch with your stepdaughter. That's a family relationship.
Please don't make your w leaving (a 3rd time) the only factor in whether YOU have an "intact family." You decide that, not her.
You said after each break up before, you'd feel bereft and then get into another R. Wanna make this one different?
In time, if your w wakes up, let's cross that bridge when we get to it.
For now, all she is doing is a touch and go. She is saying^^^ she wants you to reassure her that you will NOT meet or hang out with a new woman and that instead you will wait for her....as you have before...waiting...
except now she's noticing less pleading and less co-dependence from you. That makes her very uncomfortable.
More nervous than the typical WAS who usually has second thoughts but keeps them private. Unlike them, your w shares every thought that crosses her mind.
She seems to be asking herself (and you) "Oh no, What if my leaving means I'm not the only one with utter freedom??? What if Thornton has options - other than waiting for me?? I want it all when I want it but maybe I can't...that feels like by choosing one option I lose the other...Whattt??"
Thornton, this^^ type of question and behavior is high school. You choose broccoli and you don't get a salad. But now people are involved.
When I was in freshman year, I recall wanting a new boyfriend but i was not 100% sure, so I wanted the old one to wait for me in case I wasn't making the best choice.
By the time we leave high school, most of us realize ^^that's selfish, unfair & immature...(and wrong).
Your w is confused. That's all. This is not a woman who has had "the grand awakening" and has changed or even worked on herself much. I would not trust it if she decided to stay.
Give her the freedom to learn what she needs to learn while you do the same.
Hang in there. This will take time.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
